To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/08 12:46
Subject: RE: [K-list] the kundalini process and the spaces between
From: jane tripp
On 2002/01/08 12:46, jane tripp posted thus to the K-list:
Dear List and Jennifer,
I've thought about that before, and I certainly don't believe in
coincidences. I seem to have a problem, and I've noticed it in other areas.
I understand everything very well from an intellectual level, and I accept
everything that happens for other people regarding K or any other
experiences quite naturally. I accept the possibility of things happening
for me too, but there again, at an intellectual level only, which obviously
is useless in any real sense. Unfortunately, part of me, and I don't know
where it originally comes from or what drives it, seems to think it is an
unreal proposition for me to experience what I know others do. It feels a
bit like a secret no-one let me in on. I understand what I read, I could
explain things perfectly to someone else, but I can't feel it, and if I
can't feel it, I'm not in touch at a 'real' level. I feel like I'm 'not
allowed', and I have no clue why. I also often feel disconnected from my
body, as though it is seperate from the real me. I have the disconcerting
experience of looking in the mirror and not feeling a real sense of
recognition of myself. I look in my own eyes and it is like someone I don't
recognize, and it makes me very sad sometimes. I am often briefly
overwhelmed with grief for no apparent reason, but it feels as though I am
in anguish for myself and all life. I cannot watch the news very easily. I
don't want to expose myself to the nonsense and propaganda anyway, and
prefer to get info on the internet, but I cannot bear seeing people suffer.
It's strange, I can watch a surgical procedure with interest, because the
person is unconcious. I don't mind blood etc., but if I see someone awake
and suffering I simply cannot bear it. I feel like such a coward. Although I
don't go around feeling depressed, except for a couple of days before
menstruating, when it gets really bad, I find it increasingly harder to feel
joy, as though a batterie's running down. I know it is partly a result of
being sick most of my life. I am very tired all the time, despite the Chi
Machine, O2 therapies, diet, supplements, I could fill the page. It's been
suggested I have low serotonin, and I think that's so, but if I can feel
anguish, why can't I feel true joy anymore? I mean, I love my family,
animals, nature, the planet etc., and I still see lots that I should feel
happy for. It's not so much a depression as it is a feeling that something
vital is missing. Sorry to ramble on!
Jane T.
>Jane,
>I wonder how you would have found this group or the group have found you
>were your K not awakening and looking around <smile
>Jennifer
visit my mythic art gallery: www.icebringer.com
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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