To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/07 13:52
Subject: Re: [K-list] Celibacy and K
From: Magdalene Meretrix
On 2002/01/07 13:52, Magdalene Meretrix posted thus to the K-list:
At 09:04 AM 1/7/02 -0600, Jennifer wrote:
>Any thoughts on the expression of K-energy and celibacy? I'm intentionally
>leaving the question open-ended ... not sure what I'm looking to hear,
>understand, acknowledge, etc...
My own experience -- I have always been a very sexual person. After my
experience with my kundalini rising ten years ago, I came to realize that I
am called to be a Sacred Whore and a sexual healer. I have a tattoo on my
upper spine of an image that came to me in a vision. Getting tattooed was
my way of dedicating myself to this path. I walked the path until I fell
ill and even then I continued to work for quite a while before I had to
quit. When I quit working one-on-one with people, I immediately started
writing about sex and sexual healing. More about sex up until now but
gradually moving more towards writing about Sacred Whoredom and sexual
healing.
When I quit working, I quit expressing my sexuality to multiple people
every day and since then, my sexual desire has dried up. I was still very
highly sexually charged, even when I was beginning to be ill and filled
with pain, so long as I was still offering myself and my services to
others. I don't know if the illness removed my desire and I left my work
because I sensed I was going to lose desire or if leaving my work caused my
sexual energies to implode. I may never know and that's okay.
Now I am still quite young and at the moment have no desire for sex at all.
This is rough on my partner, I'm sure, though nothing has been said about
the lack of sex yet. I would offer it gladly, even though I'm not aroused,
if it were requested, but so far it's always being requested late at night
as I lay in bed exhausted, drifting off to sleep. Last night, I said to ask
me earlier in the day, when I'm not so exhausted. I don't mind providing
sexual release, but I just can't do it when I'm drained and exhausted.
Why is it that our culture seems to equate bedtime with sex time for
couples? I've read surveys and studies that indicate that most people think
having sex at noon is far too decadent and most couples have sex right
before they sleep. In my mind, that's one of the most difficult times to
have sex. Why are people having sex when they're exhauted? Why aren't
people interrupting their daily schedule to have sex when they're fresh and
energetic? Perhaps it's just one more relic of our culture's overall fear
of sex. *sigh* Western culture needs so much sexual healing!
I don't know if any of this is what you wanted to hear, but it is my own
experience and I share it with you. I do believe that eventually my sexual
desire will return. I'm being patient and letting it decide it's own time
to reappear. The only constant is change.
Agape,
M
--
http://www.magdalenemeretrix.com
"Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something."
-- Henry David Thoreau
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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