To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/06 13:42
Subject: [K-list] Some thoughts
From: sasse
On 2002/01/06 13:42, sasse posted thus to the K-list:
To: sasse <metavibATnospamyahoo.com>
Cc: <K-list ><jwATnospamwaena.edu>
Hi j :) and List,
Thank you so much for your answer. My experience led
to some insights that have kept my mind in turmoil.
The energy process got a bit wild, too. Perhaps the
list members sent an additional shot... Anyway my
thanks take their time...
>---I have recurring dreams that
> show me over and over again that we live in a
prison, that everything we do
> is futile, that we are exiled from paradise because
we have nothing of value
> to contribute.
The idea of prison brought the following into my mind.
For years I used to draw window bars without noticing
why. There were birds flying and the sun shining
outside. Then I attended a course (I do not remember
the name now, some kind of brain gym). While doing the
exercises I "saw" the cage I was put into as a child.
A cage with wooden bars and high enough to prevent
the child from "examining" too much. :( I also
remembered another course where we were supposed to
help someone who suffered from the prisoner feeling.
I wrote a fairy tale. A prison means different things
to different people but many of us use it. I would
like to make an animation story of that, too... (By
the way, good ideas are becoming a problem... this
life time is not enough to carry tham out...)
>---Taking responsibility for your being means you
alone have the
> ability and power to create whatever kind of inner
world you want. It means
> not becoming a 'victim' of outside forces.
I do agree with you. But I may have understood some
part of this responsibility in a wrong way. To me it
has meant no complaining, no sharing of pains - or
fears. When K got active I started withdrawing from
many of my social contacts. The start of the process
was not frightening, just interesting - so, there was
no must to share it. I have the habit of developing
shells... Without notice the shell got thicker...
Until it got broken with the New Year Cry. Taking
responsibility does not mean that there would be no
hurts or dark nights. That we are to deny being human
beings. And spirituality to my mind is not explaining
pains away by mental acropathy and concepts of ego,
God or ... (Sorry, this is not to offend you or
anyone else.) I have got used to see physical pain as
a friend and the New Year made me see emotional pain
as a friend, too. It has something important to
tell... I may have more time to all my friends this
year...
>--- I very much relate to your
> situation, as I have been there, and occasionally go
there, myself. In the 2
> years, about 2 years after my K was let loose, my
life crumbled in every way
> you can imagine (except for my health)... ---
It is interesting that even though our processes have
been different, the experiences/ lessons have common
features. What is the name of the school? At least
there are lessons like "give up your work", "give up
your home", "do not own your family"...
>---Can you say to yourself with complete honesty "I
am going to
> continue, no matter what", or are you going to say
"Why, oh why, am I here in
> this place?".---
Definetely yes. I am sorry my message was so
dramatic. While reading the re:s I had to go back and
read my own message to understand some answers. One
more lesson: mails and telepathy are different
things. :)
>---The decision is yours and only yours.---
I certainly do my decisions... But I should learn to
talk more, explain more if I want others to get my
point... On the other hand I have a lot of trust in
silence. Perhaps it is wisdom to know the way in each
situation... Words without shell... Silence without
shell... One day... :)
There is a song... flowers are opening in my heart...
Flowers to you,
Sasse
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