To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/06 00:20
Subject: [K-list] Insanity and Spirit
From: lionessbleu1
On 2002/01/06 00:20, lionessbleu1 posted thus to the K-list:
I think a lot about Insanity and awakening.
I saw a remarkable movie this afternoon..."A Beautiful Mind".
It is the true story of Dr. John Nash, a professor at Princeton
University, a Nobel Prize winner for an original idea he developed in
the 1940s which is still influencing science and research today. I
know this was a dramatic retelling of his life but I was still moved
within by it.
I am always intrigued when complex relations between people and life
can be described by mathematics. Although I am quite dyselxic with
numbers I find there is something about numbers that is elegant and
divine.
I tend to experience all things in the context of spirit since the
older I get in my kundalini development the less I see/feel the
perceived separation between spirit and matter. I could see so much
in this story of insanity the nature of spirit awakening. If only Dr.
Nash had been in a culture where fantasies and hallucinations are
recognized as symptoms of awakening rather than schizophrenia how
might his life have been different? Was Dr. Nash, in his genuis for
numbers and his affliction of "being able to see patterns where there
are none" going through a kundalini psychosis with a dark night of
the soul?
About 6 or 7 years ago I was reading the Kryon books. Kryon said that
humans are the only beings who see patterns where there are none.
Maybe humans are expressing there very own fractal nature in their
drive to see order in chaos.
Einstein has said, "god is in the details". When we see the details,
the fractal shadowed trails of infinity, does our minds begin to
explode? As a little girl, sitting on the church pew, listening to
the pastor speak of eternity I tried to imagine what eternity was.
When I did I would get dizzy and it would feel like a door swung
open, like a bridge over a moat and my brains began sliding out on to
the floor. I would have to hold my head between my hands to stop from
falling down. I use to feel that way when I would place two mirrors
opposite each other when I was 7. I would hold a hand mirror in front
of a wall mirror and try to peer down the endless corridors that
appeared in both directions. I could feel that door open and my
brains drop splat on the floor.
Now I get that brains dripping on the floor feeling during a rush of
k energy up through my crown because the boundaries of my skull
disappear. I don't fall down ... just ride the wave.
An interesting thing this afternoon in the movie theater. I bet the
median age of the movie goers was at least 50. The only child was my
12 year old niece. So many silvered heads of hair and many waves of
emotions flowing in that room. A man in at least his 70s was crying
loudly. My step mother..in her 60s...was sobbing great sighs. Tears
were flowing everywhere.
I wonder, can we teach people to cherish their dark night, their
insanity? My dark night comes in spurts and cycles. It has nothing to
do with feeling separate from god but reuniting myself with my Self.
The period I went through when I healed my perceived separation from
the divine feels like a picnic in the park compared to the reunion
with my Self which reveals itself in layers to me. I have the
intellectual acknowledgement of this but making it experiential and
the details in my life is now the primary demanding road I travel now.
Be well,
Susan
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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