To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/05 18:03
Subject: Re: [K-list] the kundalini process and the spaces between
From: L. J. Klinsky
On 2002/01/05 18:03, L. J. Klinsky posted thus to the K-list:
"I apologize for alienating you with my questions. I am a questing
being and
will probably always have more questions than answers. My intent was
not to
make you feel uncomfortable but to hopefully stimulate some
exploration and
dialogue with someone who's been through things similar to, but
different
from the things i"ve experienced."
No apology necessary. I didn't feel alienated or uncomfortable; I just
felt that it would not be productive for me to address many of your
scientific concerns. I appreciate that you wrote back.
"If I hadn't felt that you were welcoming and helpful, I wouldn't have
asked
more questions. I'm deeply sorry that they caused you to want to pull
away
from me."
Again, no need to be sorry at all. Maybe if I explain something you'll
understand better why I avoided some topics. When I came to this
K-list in September of 2001, I questioned and doubted every single
thing about me as well as all of my K symptoms and experiences. I felt
utterly alone and was totally on the pity pot. I had faith in
absolutely nothing. I even lashed out at people on the list when they
answered in ways that didn't meet with my expectations. But all the
people stuck by me and put up with my *shit*. They pointed out some
remarkable things about my patterns and symptomology. They didn't back
down, and I'm so grateful. (Just do a search for L.J. Klinsky in the
newsgroup archives and you'll get a real handful! lol)
I recently learned how to connect to my heart, something I've never
been able to do, though I've been meditating over 12 years using
various disciplines. I also realized that I am divinely guided and
protected, no easy feat for an athiest! It's become so clear I can
taste it All. At any rate, now that I can connect with this inner
guidance, I consult it for everything--every decision, every doubt,
every fear... And, the wonderful thing is that I've realized that this
never steers me wrong. What is real for me, certainly may not be real
for anybody else on the planet, and I accept and cherish this. But
what is real for me, is more real than anything has ever been in 44
years.
Now that I have "this," I won't negate or lose it the rest of my life.
That's why I choose not to analyze things, unless of course my inner
guidance steers me in that direction. Just to let you know, I was a
professional researcher for about 18 years, along with being a pro
writer and computer engineer. Analyzation has been HUGE in my life.
I hope this lends some understanding to why I backed off from all the
questions you asked. All the questions that I asked over and over in
every possible way, held me back, and kept me from knowing there is
more out there than *rational* thinking and being. For the first time
in my life, I feel alive, and I only wish you the same happiness and
joy.
"That's where all my questions come from -- I have experienced just
enough
that is similar to want to ask the questions, but so much of my
experience
has been so very different from what I've been reading in personal
accounts
online and here on this list that it's difficult for me to try to
understand or put things into perspective without many questions and
comparisons and considerations and speculations and all that gooey
wonderful stuff that makes some people perk up with delight and others
recoil with discomfort."
I can truly understand your concern, but not one person I have ever
encountered, has had the same K experience as anybody else. We're all
so different, so I guess Divine stuff manifests as each individual
needs. You say you've been meditating and doing yoga for a long time.
That's wonderful. I still do those things, and they are a huge part of
who I am. Can you connect to your higher self, your heart voice, or
whatever you choose to call it? If so, all the answers come from
there, answers to anything imaginable if you let them in. (That's the
kicker--letting them in.) Your higher self knows all the whats and
whys about what you've gone through and what you go through now. Trust
that voice, not a bunch of people on different paths. General science
tries to rationalize everything away, and frankly that takes the fun
and excitement out of life for me. (At one time I was studying to be a
scientist, so I've experienced this first hand.) That's why I tend
toward physics, reading stuff by Stephen Hawking, Itzhak Bentov, and
others; it's more open to the "unexplainable."
"Please do know that it was not my intent to make
you recoil. That would be foolish since you were the first to extend
friendship and welcoming to me."
I understand your intent now, and hopefully you can understand some of
why I avoided the questions! :)
"Analyzing does not always equate explaining stuff away. I sometimes
forget
that my style of questing is not the same as everyone else's. Then
again,
if I don't ask the questions sometimes, I'll never meet the people who
are
comfortable with them. It's an ongoing process, as are most things."
I think you're doing great. I know of a bunch of people on this list
who would probably LOVE to discuss these questions with you, ad
infinitum. There are some incredibly bright and gifted individuals who
respond to this group. Hopefully, you'll get replies from some of
them.
"As you said, we are different. I love being in the thick of a
gedanken
exploration. My peace comes from the quest itself, not the point at
which I
decide I've found my truth and settle down with it. The most
beautiful,
peaceful place for me is on the path of exploration; the adventure of
potential discovery being just around the corner fills me with
delight, not
anxiety or adrenaline."
I, too, love exploration and learning, more than anything in the
world. I live to learn. I agree with Angelique when she says, "When we
stop learning, we die." The quest never ends. There's always more to
learn and to do. The possibilities are limitless. I guess you hit the
nail on the head, though... We all quest after different stuff! The
stuff I choose to persue doesn't make me anxious either.
Peace and love, friend,
Leslee
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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