To: K-list
Recieved: 2002/01/02 16:34
Subject: [K-list] What a group!
From: sasse
On 2002/01/02 16:34, sasse posted thus to the K-list:
Dear list members,
I am very greatful for all the mails, those sent to
the list and those sent privately. What a nice and
caring group! Besides greatfulness there is much joy
and yes, quite a lot of shame. I felt miserable but I
should have paid more attention to the way how I
expressed it. I didn't.
The first episode took place 24 years ago and it led
to thorough changes in my life - less than a year
later I had a "heaven within" experience. There was
no way back to the old way of seeing things. During
the later years much healing have taken place but my
ego still wishes to be accepted and loved. My energies
became active in 1988. The process has bee very
gentle and loving - there have been some emotional
upheavels but to me the most difficult part has been
mental frustration.
A year and a half ago I gave up my well paid
occupation and started a four-year school of "modern
fine arts" (I do not know the official name in English
- at this period we have multimedia and I work on a
stone's dream... I enjoy the school very much.) I am
50. To my surprise the closest ones, my father and
son, have not been able to understand this "crazy"
choice. I have chosen not to mention anything about
K. How to tell about something when I have no words
myself? I do not know which hurts more "old song that
they do not accept me, they do not love me" or "I find
it very, very difficult to love them". After all
blessings and bliss there is very little love in me.
Self-centered thinking - no. Ego-centered.
Last pieces of my office had got sold. My apartment
in the south had been on rent and some damage done
there. Had some drinks. I was pondering the above
relationship problems. Went backwards in time to find
out if my relationships have ever been so "formal". I
remembered the night when I wanted to kill myself (and
being drunk fell asleep while waiting for the
opportunity). I remembered the feeling - I was not
going to kill myself now, but I could not pull myself
out of the emotional state either. It was a shock.
There was not much on the list then... I asked for
help.
Perhaps we could make a file for "bad days"? If others
do not object I could work something out of this
"real" material. Or we could make one more poll...
:)) What do you think? I answer some letters later.
However, no file is worth a real contact (well, real
is such a relative word...).
There is about three hours of daylight here now. The
shortest day is behind and there will be more and more
light...
Thank you so much, love,
Sasse
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.