To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/12/05 11:31
Subject: [K-list] Re: Special K
From: Soitpp
On 2001/12/05 11:31, Soitpp posted thus to the K-list:
Dan, I hear you when you talk about pushing K just to "feel special" I've
done that before too... but it never made me happy.. it only dug me into a
place where I was still trying to feel special which just felt ugly and
lacking of any kind of real presence.
Sometimes we want peace but getting to that place of peace might demand
attentiveness to the desires within us.
Could I possibly be at peace if I wasn't fully expressing my beingness from
within me? Could I have peace if I curbed some of myself because I was afraid
of it? That part of myself that I curbed would be forever in the dark,
feeling unloved, unattentioned, it would be a part of ME that was *not* at
peace... it would fester and my life experience would never be whole because
I did not confront that being of myself, that desire, or whatever you want to
call it, that part of me that was calling out for attention.
Sometimes a part of us needs to be in the world, because there is a desire
within us to interact on a soul level with others. Can we truly depress a
part of our soul and still hope to attain a lasting peace?
I don't know. Perhaps one shall say, hey, I'm gunna go be a hermit. I don't
need others, I'll call it non attatchment. But really they're just pushing
down themselves because they're afraid.
I know it's hard. The only way I've been able to give myself hope is the
gleaming of light that pours through when I AM myself even in the presence of
adversity. In those moments that I forget to "be somebody" and just AM I have
peace. It reminds me of a saying I heard once that supposedly came from a
circle of enlightened children in the mid east, "If it is not simple, it
simply will not be"
So what if it terrifies us, it's really not so bad once you promise yourself
to be true to yourself and in that very trueness lies the promise that the
transition is not supposed to be horrible. It's our resistance, and all the
beforehand fears and stumbles that give us a negative experience. Would we
truly say honesty is harmful? So let us be honest with ourselves.. even if
honesty sometimes seems crazy.
If any of that helps I'm glad I don't know if it will or not or even if it
even remotely touches on what your experiencing or the words you're looking
for. We all do have such different paths to walk.
Peace be with you,
Aaron
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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