To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/12/05 07:57
Subject: Re: [K-list] Special K
From: siska
On 2001/12/05 07:57, siska posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Dan
> I have been doing Transpersonal Therapy for about 2 years now.
- I did it for four years - between 94 and 99. Best thing I ever did.
> I soon discovered that I am a "natural" at therapy - it is difficult,
> painful , joyfully - you know - but amazingly is the way my mind works and
> see things very fast - I now I am clear and "aware" and that is a gift
> reflected by the K in my life. God speaks within me and I listen, most of
> the time.
- yes I found this too. It was all very fast, dynamic and free flowing. I
think the things that were happening at the time would have happened anyway,
but therapy gave me such an incredible deep understanding of the unconscious
processes at work - a real education.
> The K has been more intense of late, moving, heating, bubbling. Its both
> very high and very painful when it moves the blocks. My therapist and I
for
> the first time, right now, are working with K. I had spoken to her about
it
> before but it was quite and serene, letting me pass through whatever it
was
> that I passed through.
- that's good you're working with it together. I didn't tell my therapist
about K until the very end - simply becuase I'd never told anyone about it
since it began. When I finally did she confirmed to me it was spontaneous
K - and that she was a K facilitator - so that was a wasted opportunity?!
Or maybe it was meant to be that way...
> We decided to move the energy and work with the K - she talked me through
a
> meditation that frankly scared the hell out me - I had never shared K or
> even better this orgasmic sensations like that with someone and it brought
> out the VERY old pain, issue, hurt, what have you - and we delved into
that.
> It was good educational - but again, I feel like I have opened a can of
> worms.
- well, cans of worms need to be opened or they just fester..... isn't that
what therapy's all about?!
I have a strong belief that there are two types of people in this
> world - those who have a choice to deal with their issues and live in an
> ignorant bliss or those, awakened, driven by a force so powerful that they
> can not sit still till understanding comes, even if they have no idea ware
> the path goes or what they are doing. If we try to be ignorant, well, we
> just cant.
Agree completely. You put this really well. This is how I've experineced
it. I've always been the black sheep in a very typically english stiff
upper lip, upper middle class family heavily into denial and repression -
but from when K awoke I was rocking the boat, and believe I was placed in
their midst to do so. And you know what?! It's worked, and they're all
opening up/healing..... Fab!
> I learned that my belief system when it comes to K is very submissive, out
> of control. That I let it move but without my will. I don't know if this
> makes sense or translates.
Absolutely. You have to totally surrender to K. It's the boss and it knows
what's best for you even if it puts you through hell in the process at
times.
I know here we speak about letting the K do its
> work, but I don't think I have done that correctly. I have let IT run
free,
> raised it to get an "ego rush" from it so as to feel special, perhaps.
> Indulge in the "magical" aspects of it.
- there's a big danger of ego inflation, but as long as you're aware of it
that's the main thing. I think it's fine to luxuriate in the magic of it.
Problems come when you allow yourself to feel 'special' or 'different'
compared to others. The way I see it is we ALL have this potential, but
we're all on different timetables for awakening.
> But it simply is a tool of transformation. Lead to gold.
- yes. I actually had alchemical dreams at one point.
> I'm not sure what I am trying to say - but am just relating that this
> amazing thing is in my life, the brutal beautiful task master that it is,
> but I am terrified of what it will show me, how it will show it to me and
if
> I should let it.
- yes you should. It put me in mental hospital at one point, but I came out
a stronger
better more evolved person than before. I'm not suggesting for one second
this will happen to you - I'm an extreme case. But one way or
another parts of the old ego state need to 'die' to make way for the new,
and that death might not be easy. In my experience it happens bit by bit ,
as if my life is chapters of a book. Thank goodness becuase no-one could
survive it all in one big dose!
> Does my will drive the K?
- an impossiblity I'd have thought.
> If so, I have never tried to use it this way before and wonder if I can?
- don't try. It is using you with the aim of bringing out your highest
potential and purpose. It's a paradox that the more you are able to
surrender to it control of your life, the more truly in control you become
of your life. 'Will' is an intellectual concept that is extremely limited
in terms
of true empowerment. K works beyond will and the intellect.
> I have no proper training, I have no guru (nor want one - the closest is
> therapy).
- yes my therapist is the closest I have to a 'teacher'.
> I want to find peace, live in peace. I don't care about being a healer, a
> master or God.
> I don't want fame or riches - just the simple measures of love and
passion.
- it will come but can be a slow, painful, rocky ride at times. Well it has
been for
me.
All the best
siska.
;
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