To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/12/04 14:34
Subject: [K-list] hello everyone! An introduction
From: Pico
On 2001/12/04 14:34, Pico posted thus to the K-list:
greetings friends. My name is Tim. I'm a 21 year old student in
upstate NY, and just found out about this group. I've recently
become aware of this whole concept of kundalini energy, and
while its hard for me to say "THIS is what's happening to me!", it
has definitely given me some insight. So, I thought I'd share
some of my story and maybe you could respond with insights of
your own. I should probably collect my thoughs better, but this is
just gonna be off the top of my head.. sorry if it gets wordy. :)
I've always been a bit of an outsider, by no means friendless, but
always have felt a bit disconnected and lonely. In highschool I
was pretty overweight, and at the time blamed this for my lack of
social skills, though since then I've lost quite a lot of weight and
its a lot harder to blame my appearance for my lack of feeling
connected, if that makes sense. I've always been very heavy into
self-improvement of all kinds, as I've found that most of the good
things in my life have come directly from effort and work on my
part... not a whole lot of blind luck. I've been composing
electronic music (industrial and darkwave in highschool, now
more experimental, ambient, and psychedelic) and have always
really been into all types of art, especially those outside the
mainstream. Likewise I've been very into meditation and
philosophy. I meditate, do some yoga, and tai chi on a
somewhat regular basis, plus some weights, aerobics, and
stretching since I'm still trying to lose some weight. I eat very
healthy, vegetarian most of the time, though seafood and
chicken are ok with me. I also have occasionally experimented
with hallucinogens. I became interested after reading lots of
books by the likes of Baba Ram Dass, John Lilly, Stan Grof,
Terence Mckenna, Tim Leary, and many more in related fields.
So thats my background. :)
Now, as far as this kundalini energy stuff. Besides the feeling of
being slightly disconnected, and my artistic interests, after
highschool I found myself becoming increasingly fatigued. Its a
bit hard to explain, and I found kundalini (as well as some other
things like Tai Chi) trying to overcome it. During the day i feel
relatively energetic, normal, healthy. BUT when I go to bed at
night, two things can happen: sometimes it takes FOREVER to
fall asleep, at least 20 minutes and sometiems up to 2 hours of
tossing and turning. Second, i can sleep FOREVER... ten hours,
no problem. If I am woken up earlier, I feel fine, its just very
difficult for me to get up earlier on my own... I can just keep
sleeping. Sometimes I will feel "zonked" during the day as well,
spaced out, difficulty focusing, although my thoughts are as lucid
as ever. There is no apparent pattern to this fatigue, like whether
I work out extra hard, or eat better, or sit on my butt all day...
doesn't seem to make a difference. This is the main problem I
have been targeting though meditation and various other
self-improvement/health things I do.
Besides the meditation and stuff, my occasional experiencs with
drugs have opened up some things inside me. I'm definitely not
into the party/rave drug scene... I generally feel a bit
uncomfortable being around people I don't know well when I'm
high. Anyway, i smoke pot once every week or two, and have
tripped on mushrooms and lsd five times in the past four years.
There are two specific experiences that have made me think
these drugs have contributed to a kundalini awakening of some
sort. First, i had an experience where I smoked some extremely
potent pot and was so intensely high that it triggered a sort of
panic attack... i felt my heart was beating "too fast", and the
pulses felt like my whole body was like a rippling pond. I've
heard of a number of people having this experience, since pot
raises your blood pressure and pulse. But since then, I've
always been aware of my pulse just sitting still, whereas I'd
never noticed it before. Especially when meditating it is very easy
to focus and align my breathing with my pulse. I know this is a
symptom of kundalini (increased aortic flow?). Second, my first
mushrooms experience was fairly light, but included very vivid
closed eye hallucinations... brilliant patterns, giant caterpillars,
long after-images, that sort of thing. :) But since then, I've been
able to see shifting colors blobs against my closed eyelids...
subtle, definitely, but I don't think everyone is quite so tuned into
them. So this is why I bring up my drug experience.
This is getting lengthy so I'll cut it short for now. My next steps are
to read more about kundalini, continue meditating of course, and
I'm going to get some body-work and rei ki done after my finals
are over with. So i'm wondering, does this sound like kundalini
awakening? There have been other symptoms I experience that
sound like kundalini, but I'll have to wait for another time to
collect all my thoughts. Anyway, glad to be a part of this group,
hope to hear from you soon!
Tim
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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