To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/11/17 10:32
Subject: Re: [K-list] nothing happening
From: L. J. Klinsky
On 2001/11/17 10:32, L. J. Klinsky posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Jade,
Your post touched my heart. I'm a lot like you, I guess. So many people on this list are SURE of what's going on with them. They seem to KNOW their inner Truths and the Higher Self who brings it. I, like you, have had very intense K experiences, but when they go away I find myself wondering if what I've been feeling is Real!
I'm not sure, but some people on this list might say that neutrality is what you want--especially if it's a feeling of nothingness, nobodiness, and nowhereness. Supposedly, according to some, this means you're an open vessel for the divine wisdom or something like that. I like the exciting shit! I don't like feeling zombie like, like I'm nothing. It's scary as the walls of the ego crumble and nothing else stands. That's where I'm at.
Though I get some intense "colors, patterns, lights," I have no sense of their meaning, so as far as this newbie is concerned, sometimes it feels like I'm going nuts. Many on the list feel intense Love coming to them, unconditionally from a Higher Self or other beings. I just see the stuff with no feelings.
I've recently thrown down all my K books, too. All but one: Itzhak Bentov's "Stalking the Wild Pendulum." That's the book that made me realize that I experienced an awakening and not Fibromyalgia, peripheral neuropathy, and some weird-ass brain dysfunction! I'll NEVER go to a "regular" MD again after my yuck experiences!
As far as teachers, you'll get a whole lot of help from this list. I'm taking Mystress Angelique's online Fire Serpent Tantra course. It's teaching me a lot. There are also TONS of materials on the Web; I can turn you on to bunches if you want. I'm a researcher at heart...
I, too, saw tons of wonderful patterns when I was a child. I saw all kinds of spiritual stuff. But after enough people told me that what I was feeling and seeing was bullshit, I closed off and didn't see anything again until just about now. I guess we have to re-open ourselves after we grow up. It's not easy.
I wish you only good.
Love,
Leslee, another relative newbie
As I wrote in my intro a month or so ago, I had some powerful
experiences many years ago which I consider to be "K" or at
least "K-related." Anyway, those experiences dissipated and I am
only left with the vestigial components - physical feelings of
energy in certain areas of my body which come and go.
So a few months ago I resumed my meditation practice again,
and I know "K" has it's own way and agenda, and I know a
couple of months is a very short length of time... but nothing
seems to be "happening", no feelings of peace or light nor even
the opposite emotions are arising...all I feel is a pervasive sense
of "neutrality." I've been meditating for 1-2 hours a day, and will
continue to do so, this is the most dedicated I've ever been, and I
know being anxious for "results" totally impedes the process, but
I just feel so ... well, almost bored, like maybe I should be doing
something else with that time.
I just write this because I had recently purchased a book
detailing a yogi's adventures, thinking it would inspire
me... but in reading through the book I want to throw it down in
disgust because I feel so distanced from the transcendent
experiences and simply cannot relate at all, even less
than ever.
Maybe it wasn't K that was stirred up, or maybe my previously
awakened K has gone into a deep slumber again?
Also I never have had a teacher, nor do I feel as if a teacher is
poised to appear, so I am basically navigating the spiritual
waters solo, although I am surrounded by many books.
-- Jade
p.s. I used to see wonderful colorful patterns when I was a child
before falling off to sleep. Haven't seen those patterns in a long,
long time. Sigh.
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.