To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/11/09 17:07
Subject: [K-list] kundalini/sexuality/resistance/acceptance
From: jennifer nm

Hi Laura, Susan, Steve and others, and thanks for your thoughts...

Laura wrote:
"This does not mean that you have to be one thing or the other or even call
yourself bisexual or break up your relationship. It just means learning to
more fully and completely accept yourself which our historical
marriage/relationship/ownership institution has encouraged us silly
creatures to cast out big pieces of our body."

I think you're right...this feels intuitively right to me...that I am not
defined or controlled by these things: it is about self-acceptance and love.
  But it is so counter to our culture, isn't it? There is so much pressure
(which I've clearly internalized) to define oneself, certainly sexually.
But anyway,I've been practicing for the last few days...whenever anything
comes up in myself that is uncomfortable/doesn't fit my perception of "how I
should be/who I am", I just say to myself: and this too is okay and good.
Susan talked about resistance, and how we draw to us that which we resist.
I know this intellectally as a concept, but have not truly applied it in my
life. I'm seeing that when I go with the flow, and allow everything, (even
my resistance) to be okay, I feel much more at peace. Of course, I am still
practicing : )

Susan wrote:
"What was the anxiety about? Did it have to do with feeling of the
connections being made between two locations, whether physical and/or
energetic (between the 2nd and 3rd chakras)? What images came to your
mind?"

I don't recall that any images came at the time. The line of energy felt
more between the 2nd and 1st chakras...and I'm not certain about the source
of the anxiety. Partly, I believe it was just a feeling of being out of
control. Like some unknown force had invaded my body. Although I do feel
like I have a free-floating sort of anxiety that comes and goes, since this
whole experience started. Today I was feeling it throughout my body...sort
of a "fight or flight" feeling.

Question, along those lines: Is there a standard path for k-energy in the
body? Does it make sense that it moved downward, yet doesn't seem to move
upward from the point in my abdomen where I had the acupuncture needle?
Somehow, I feel that it's stuck in my lower chakras??

You know, it's been 5 years or so since I started on this K-path. During
this whole time, I have viewed it/experienced it as this terrible thing that
"happened" to me. Today, while lying out in the sun on my porch swing, and
pondering the role of resistance in my life, it came to me that perhaps,
just perhaps, I started on this path, however unconsciously, because it was
time. And that if I could stop resisting, I might just start to see some
good in it. So..it's a start, I think : ) There's a sense that it was not
just a random bad luck sort of thing, but that on some level, I chose this
for a significant reason.

Blessings to you all,
Jennifer

http://www.kundalini-gateway.org

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