To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/11/06 20:04
Subject: Re: [K-list] The art of Balance
From: David Bozzi
On 2001/11/06 20:04, David Bozzi posted thus to the K-list:
mgb wrote:
>
> Hello all, i hope you are doing well. I have a serious problem and i'd like to know if you can help
> or enlighten me on it.
I've read through your revealing post and found nothing 'serious' about it.
(don't know what that means)
> I think a good metaphor would be like having an angel and a demon inside you.
Anyone who is honest
with oneself
will find such...
> When i'm the angel i'm very spiritual,
That's a trick
and you know it.
> i reach a point of so much peace that i am in complete harmony with myself, with spirit, with
> everyone, just with that One, i feel that One and nothing else. And it's like a phase, this year it
> lasted me for 3 months at the longest.
That's the thing.
It's a phase.
Nothing more.
> Now i'm becoming the demon, when my psyche goes wild. Personalities start to come out to the
> surface, some end up controling me and becoming my reality, some just get stuck in my head and fight
> with each other for space. Very psychologically chaotic phase.
I just watch 'em fight over the nothing
that they imagine.
> One personality that has dominated me ( I suspect since previous lives) is the one with intense
> insecurity or low self-esteem (yes this is when i become suicidal).
When we allow something else
to dominate us
it is always us
who allows such.
> It's scary sometimes even though I know she stays in my head but she persists, she has her own
> pesimism about the world so she rationalizes herself to be that way, and than grabs my emotion to
> destroy me to the last bit.
She has no pessimism.
You do.
She has only your best interest in mind.
You, however, do not always do.
> I start drinking, smoking, but i try not to go further than that. And it's strange, or i cant
> explain it, but when I am the angel nothing gets in the way, no addictions, no personalities, no
> mundane situations, nothing....i'm not just strong, i'm realized in some other plane and the
> physical feels like i'm here on a visit so I enjoy everything yet stay disattached to it.
Can you detach
from your 'detachment'?
> It's like being schizophrenic almost, but i havent lost all control, i'm still aware of whats going
> on i guess. but it's painful, very painful to be spiritual one day and the next want to destroy
> yourself.
What wants to be destroyed
never was
to begin with.
> Balance is something i only get to know when i'm the angel.
That 'balance' is a trick also...
If only it could know the 'devil'
then both could cancel each other out
and a new Balance might prevail.
> i change so much, sometimes overnite. Even within hours, severe mood changes.
I watch them too.
It's like weather.
But whoever watches all of that
never changes...
> The last phase that I lived as the angel I learned to keep the peace a little better though, it's
> weird but even though theres chatter of my different personalities in my head i still repeat to
> myself "sat nam, sat nam" with every breath.
You are the breath
nothing more.
> like Essence is letting me know that while all this psychological shit is happening and my
> personalities seem like they are killing me, that it is there or my spirit is still awake taking
> care of me in the background,
No you.
Only Spirit.
> i feel it real now. ohhh but sometimes i dont, yes, sometimes my personalities take over...the ones
> that need alot of love.
Love is Here.
There is no where it is not.
> they fuck me up really bad and it hurts...
Who says?
> sorry i had to express my feelings.
If you are sorry
then you are fucked...
> well just wanted to share cause i know in this group theres people who know what the heck i'm
> talking about.
Sorry, have no clue
but still here anyway,
Love,
David
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