To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/11/04 16:26
Subject: Re: [K-list] Transition - White to Red
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2001/11/04 16:26, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 02:55 PM 04/11/01, aster MP wrote:
>I found because of my clearing and lessons I was
>learning I was attracting the wrong type of person.
>They came into my life to teach me the lessons I
>needed and then left. Sometimes it was distressing as
>I didn't realise they were here for only lessons, not
>relationships.
It i the same on the other side, being a teacher. People come into my
life, then "graduate" and move on. I wondered about it for years, befire I
understood what was happening. I have established lasting relationships by
connecting with other teachers, who are also tired of losing people to the
same effect. Some of them, are students who graduated into being
teachers... we teach each other..
>I'm still focusing on myself and personal growth. When
>I think of a sexual encounter with a man it feels
>'ho-hum' Sometimes it raises up and becomes sexual but
>seems to fade very quickly.
>
>This could mean I still need more inner work
>done...or...I've focused on work too much that I've
>brainwashed myself to belive orgasms are only for
>inner work and not for personal pleasure...not sure...
>:(
Well, your situation is not unusual.. and it is kind of typical of some
K. results. Becoming "free from desire" as the Buddha says, sometimes means
that it is hard to get back desire, when it is wanted. The energy being
redirected, stays redirected and for me, moving into desire feels like
throwing a very rusty lever. Desire comes rarely, and when it does the K.
sweeps it away just like any other phenomena. If I am feeling desire, it is
likely to be coming from empathy with someone who desires me. Mind you,
that can be fun to ride along with.
The other thing to consider, tho, is that much of personal growth
happens outside of the body. We travel in our thoughts, to the past and the
future, and observe ourselves from the witness state. You cannot feel the
desires of the body, if you are not in it. Stress of almost any kind knocks
me out of body, too... and I found that plenty of relaxation, away from
work brought my interest back.
To consciously throw the switch, focus on really being in your body.
Going deeper into the physical with the ritual attention of hot baths,
giving yourself a warm oil massage, incense, the feel of soft fabrics and a
warm fire. I say giving yourself a massage, because it is to be a romance
between you and your own body... totally self indulgent ritual of gratitude
for having a body that can feel, and reclaiming it back. When you are able
to stay focused and sustain pleasure on your own, you will have carved a
new channel, and be better able to relax with a partner... preferably a man
with a slow hand, as the song goes.. who will be willing to take plenty of
time to stir your senses into sensual flame.
blessings...
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