To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/10/28 18:23
Subject: Re:[K-list] Alone-ness, satsangh and ascension.
From: mgb
On 2001/10/28 18:23, mgb posted thus to the K-list:
Hello, I enjoyed reading this message, I'm a very "lonely" (i'd like to say solitary better) person but actually i feel more real this way than being with a "special someone" or even attached to friends or family. Although I absorb life through my emotional self mostly, ever since I had this big spiritual reawakening i've been less attached to people. Actually sometimes it hurts, it's like ego is starting to learn the Truth about oneness and it's not used to it. I'm not used to it to tell you the truth, but I know I must surrender to Essence and she ends up guiding me to places I never imagined, it's so beautiful because it's not an escape of anything but a rebirth of your whole self and using those same elements that ego uses. I dont know if you understand. My ego has an "idea" of what Essence is like, but when I actually experience it it's a whole new world, even for little moments in my daily life, it's like feeling the breeze of absolute reality, after they are gone ego cant believe they just happened. Sometimes i wish i could experience them more, but the more i try to grab on to it the less they "come". and you know it's not that they come and go really, it's just ego that surrenders in totality for these moments and your mind feels the real bliss. but yeah, i'm lonely and everyone wonders about me, think i'm strange sometimes, unusually happy being lonely. and i wont lie, i do feel like i want company, i'm actually thinking of being with someone but it doesnt make a difference anymore. when i see this person they have to know that i'm already happy, with or without them, my life and myself will be the same, my reality the same. however, when you are with someone your also share the realities of this person and that can be a challenge. lots of things to learn in relationships, that is the world where I am very ignorant...make alot of mistakes. sometimes i think i shouldnt ever try to "own" my solitude, it's not for ego to feed on, it's for Essence to be realized in. and if you are with someone it will be the same, that you are or even break up with someone or not is really an illusion...Essence will try to realize itself in every sub-reality. but to be more truthful even, (sorry just felt like writing and this is the best place to do it), i dont think i want to be with someone because i'm afraid that i will suffer in the sub-realities of the other person or created by the fusion of two "egos". because after all, the other person may live in the realities of ego and what if you can no longer live there? sometimes i think i should challenge myself and be in the relationship because that is what living in the present world is about...learning to see through these THICK sub-realities of ego. Once you do this in daily life you know how hard it is. i'm not spiritually evolved and i dont pretend to be, thats not what i aim for anyway, or maybe i word it differently. I just want to be happy and i know i cant live in the realities of ego because i suffer very quickly, so i guess i'm ready to awaken mylove light peace,
maria.
Mystress Angelique Serpent <MystressATnospamkundalini-gateway.org> wrote: At 10:41 AM 26/10/01, Nick Masters wrote:
>I just want to say that the loneliness is a gift, for me. A time to get
>to know the real me. I have thought about bringing another into my life,
>it is really not hard to accomplish, but when I look at how happy I am
>currently and the progress I am able to make on my own, another person
>would probably shatter both of those.
Yes.. that is the other aspect that I remembered, after the post was
sent.. I left out the most important part!! :) The aloneness has purpose,
it is a gift. It forces you to go within and learn to put your own Self
first, rather than depending on other people to be Goddess for you. To love
yourself, instead of depending on others to love you and give you approval.
The shift into Satsangh happens sometime after you get stable in serving
Goddess/spirit within yourself, first and have none before It.
There are other roads... someone who chooses to follow a Guru will have
spiritual company, and will grow by projecting Goddess onto the Guru... but
eventually they must "graduate" and learn to see Goddess in themselves too.
This may necessitate a break from the Guru... not always.
Blessings...
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