To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/10/23 16:00
Subject: Re: [K-list] Experience. another level?
From: Final Element J A Livengood
On 2001/10/23 16:00, Final Element J A Livengood posted thus to the K-list:
Hello,
I never was good at telling what is going on via, text. but I think this
may help a bit too.
I already surrendered myself, for the whole year, tears shed in my eyes
from the pain of solitare
. Sometimes feeling like I was the only one left in the world. That nothing
would change in my life
yet, it would only get worse and worse. I went from super-ego to squash for
the whole year. Wondering
if I really cared to live day by day. I beleived for so long nothing but got
in touch with my spirit and
beleif in a almighty watching over me. This has slowly but surely filled my
soul with joy and almost
super-erotic feelings 24-7. I do not try to sound like I have a ego. But I
understand where I am and how I think
of it is a fine-line. I guess really I want to show someone so it will give
me ego instead of the now anti-ego that
I call my mind.
I have grown up in quite a messed up life. When I was 9 I was put into a
foster home which really
was the start of my WONDERFUL life. I was 14 and got out. But my mother was
QUITE A MOM and I ended
up in Juvinile for 11 months (I still dont know why, I didn't break a 'law')
My mom was just as if she wanted
to really jam my life and kill me one way or the other. Well, of course her
beating me head to toe ,bruising me solid
did not help me know of the right choices in life. I ended up in a mental
institution two times before I was 17. Needless
to say, screwed up my educational life completely. To this day I am still
preying that I am forgiven for what I have done
and that now I realise my actions as then it was almost like I was just
watching TV, not really controlling anything that
happened in my life. Good or bad, it came it went. Most of my life is a
black shadow in my mind that I will never access
but this 'shadow' is what feeds me to beleive and to be a higher inner-peace
which is what I think is what is being seen as ego.
It is this inner beauty that wants me to become more, not just so I can
know which cup the ball is in throughout life..
I beleive I have a much higher purporse in this world and that I can not
even really put into words, but that is as close as I can
come to it. The reason is because I feel like I have a debt to God and to
this world and I do not want this for my own personal
gain in life. NOt for me at all. I get the joy of change with it, nothing
more, nothing less and that is all I want from it but to others
I want this to be an attention grabber for something much more important to
others exhistance in this world.
yes to all your questions.
these prana squiggles you talk about. I have dreamt these before and in it
was the spirit of my grandmother who cared for me
I often found these glowing against the night sky and always knew which one
was a loved one to me in my life. I never knew what they were or
what it was about. I am finding out more and more day by day of things I
didn't or haven't even thought of as an experience.
Ok let me see if I can add a few good questions.
Have you ever had a time where you are in a blissful mood and suddenly
everyone else is angry?
a) yes.
b) sometimes.
c) Everyday.
d) on a few occasions.
e) not that I know of.
ever had your phone barely ring once , repeatedly for days,weeks straight?
a) yes.
b) sometimes.
c) Everyday.
d) on a few occasions.
e) not that I know of.
have you ever dreamt as someone else in their dream and it to be their
actual dream?
a) yes.
b) sometimes.
c) Everyday.
d) on a few occasions.
e) not that I know of.
have you ever been able to see with your eyes closed and forget they were?
a) yes.
b) sometimes.
c) Everyday.
d) on a few occasions.
e) not that I know of.
has anyone ever told you they could feel some strange feeling when you were
mad?
a) yes.
b) sometimes.
c) Everyday.
d) on a few occasions.
e) not that I know of.
Im not good at writing questions because I have so many I need to know =?)
Jesse
----- Original Message -----
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent <MystressATnospamkundalini-gateway.org>
To: <K-list >
Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2001 4:30 PM
Subject: Re: [K-list] Experience. another level?
> At 11:39 PM 19/10/01, Final Element J A Livengood wrote:
> I want this because out of all the knowledge I have and all the things I
> can do
> >(ask me, you would be surprised) this is the one to seperate me from the
> >common run-of-the-mill skill. This is why I truly want it.
> >I want to impress people with its power I beleive, I want to superimpose
> >thoughts onto other minds at a whim. Not for anything
> >evil nor would I hurt anyone by doing so. I just want to be something I
am
> >currently not. Heaven on earth I guess would be a
> >good way of saying it.
>
> Jesse:
>
> How can I tell you that you are trading emeralds for straw?
>
> Hmm.. Ok. Here is the choice you are faced with. You can continue
along
> the path of the magician, motivated by the ego based desire to impress
> people and appear powerful.. and on that path, you will gain the powers
you
> are gaining and whup de doo. Yeah, telepathy, astral projection, some
> thought projection, weather stuff and small synchronicities.. seeing
ghosts
> and snooping peoples heads...
>
> or.. you can give up the ego that needs to be fed with approval and
the
> appearance of power.. surrender any need for it, and the person you think
> of as "Jesse" too... and that is when you get real power. Miracles.
> Manifestations, spontaneous healings, you name it.. as Goddess Wills,
> *through* the vessel that is Jesse... not as Jesse's insecure ego
demands.
>
> Examine the part of you that seeks glory.. underneath it, is a
> different need. What is the hole within that you want to fill with
external
> approval?
>
> I don't mean to be harsh.. I have been where you are at, glorying in
my
> power to "make" things happen... and now I am where I am and miracles come
> effortless and every day... autopilot. Goddess provides. I tell people I
> work on, "I am not in charge, it just looks like it"... so that they are
> directed back to the Divine instead of wanting me to be Goddess for them.
>
> Did you ever read "Illusions, the adventured of a reluctant Messiah",
> by Richard Bach? A must-read for all kundalites, it was my Bible all
> through my teen years.
> In the story, the author meets a Messiah who has given up fame in
favor
> of flying airplanes. The author asks him why, and he responds... :
>
> <<<< "It's not the crowds that wear me, its the kind of crowd that
> doesn't care at all about what I came to say.You can walk New York to
> London on the ocean, you can pull gold coins out of forever and still not
> make them care, you know?"
> When he said that, he looked lonelier than I had ever seen a man still
> alive. He didn't need food or shelter or money or fame. He was dying of
his
> need to say what he knew, and nobody cared enough to listen.
> I frowned at him, so as not to cry. "Well, you asked for it," I said.
> "If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have
> a problem."
> He jerked his head up, and his eyes blazed as though I had hit him
> with the wrench. I thought all at once that I would not be wise to get
this
> guy mad at me. A man fries quick, struck by lightning.
> Then he smiled that half second smile. "You know what, Richard?" he
> said slowly. "You... are... right!">>>>
> You speak of wanting these powers to use for good.. but the power
does
> not come till you no longer have any motive to use it selfishly.. and
> wanting to manipulate people and impress them so they will like you, is
> selfish.
>
> Here is a story for you. A friend of mine was off to visit his
daughter
> in SF. Before he left he asked for my blessings for a safe trip, and I
gave
> it to him, knowing that he would get back home safe and sound.. and then
> did not give it another thought.
> When he got home, he practically kissed me feet, thanking me for
> saving him three times. I was puzzled. He explained three events. The
> first, was when he was walking down the street in a rather dangerous
> neighborhood, and three tough looking guys started approaching him with a
> look like a mugging about to happen. When they got about a dozen feet
away,
> they suddenly got a look of terror on their faces, as if he had a giant
> snake towering over him or something, and RAN away as fast as they could.
> My friend is not a big person.. a bodybuilder in his 50's, shorter than
me.
>
> The second story, he was cycling down a narrow alley and a truck
> suddenly came towards him and there was nowhere for him to go to avoid
> being crushed into the wall.. suddenly the axle of the truck broke with a
> loud bang and the truck stopped dead, inches away from him.
>
> I do not remember the third event.. it was similarly odd and
> miraculous... I tried to give the credit up to Goddess but this fella is
> intuitive too, and he was convinced the rescues were my doing. Well, maybe
> so, in a way. I saw him coming home safe and trusted Goddess to handle the
> details. Faith is the mustard seed.
>
> I used to write a lot of stories of my adventures to the list.. then I
> had a few K-list friends who came to visit and in their surprise at the
> miracles, admitted that they had not believed my story telling... I was
> amazed at this.. why would I lie? My purpose in writing the stories had
> been to let people know what kind of weird stuff is really possible with
> K., so they would not worry about their sanity if it was also happening to
> them.. just as you are asking for... The other side of that was that my
> visitors also noticed miracles that I thought were just normal. Kewl. More
> blessings to count.. :)
>
> That is my life story.. I spent half my life trying desperately to be
> "normal" and fit in, instead of always being the ugly cygnet among
ducks...
> Being always told you are strange and not knowing what it means can be so
> very frustrating. It was not till I finally gave up trying to fit in and
> decided to see how far being a misfit would take me, that I started
> discovering that I really had no idea that the stuff that was normal for
me
> was not actually normal at all.
> Like, having a light on in your head. Always had one, did not know it
> was not normal till someone wrote to the list one day, complaining that
> their third eye had opened and the light that had come on in their head
was
> keeping them awake at night.
>
> Jesse the individual who wants to impress people, can attain some
> power.. but Jesse the infinite Divine Spirit is All. God-powered.
> They cannot really co-exist, one must make way for the other.
Insecure
> Jesse is walking around like a beggar with a cup, "please love me, give me
> approval and attention"... Yet... with surrender, comes a love from within
> that is richer than any external love and approval. Your cup runneth over,
> and there is plenty to share. Right now, you are giving your power away to
> the people you want to impress. Do you think they will treat it kindly?
The
> power you claim, came from Goddess by the law of Free Will. Give it back.
> That infinity knows what to do with it, better than you do... and it will
> come back multiplied.
>
> Guys like Uri Geller and "the Amazing Kreskin" talk about "their
power"
> and do the psychic parlor tricks.. but the real deal, is to be found in
> people who do not own their power, so much as it owns them. Those who
speak
> of being a vessel, a channel for a Higher power can usually blow the other
> guys out of the water with miraculous abilities, real miracles happen
> around them all the time and they take the intuition for granted just as
> any other sense.
>
> If you are wanting to "use" the power to promote your ego, then you
> will hit a ceiling on what you can do... not to mention the karmic
feedback
> smacking you in the head. But, if you are humble and get out of your own
> way and let the power use you as its vessel... then the whole world
changes.
>
> Where you are at now, you are so self absorbed you are not even really
> aware of the many people of power on this list.. You speak of wanting to
be
> different, well, you are different, and unique just as we all are, every
> snowflake... but if you really want to be different, then you have to
join
> a non awakened list! I would guess about 60% of people on this list have
> experienced everything you could describe, and a whole lot of other stuff
> too..
>
> Which inspires me to create a poll.. let us co-create one, eh? I'll
> start and you add on more questions and options, anything you wonder
about.
>
> Siddhis Poll:
>
> Below is a list of miracles, paranormal experiences and whatever ...
> please respond with one of the options, and/or feel free to tell anecdotes
> of your experiences. Feel free to add more questions, or edit the ones I
> have written.
>
> 1.) Telepathy.
>
> Have you heard other peoples thoughts:
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you projected your thoughts into other peoples minds?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you felt other peoples emotions as if they are your own?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you projected your emotions into other peoples?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you heard, felt or seen ghosts, spirits or other non physical
> presences?
> Ghosts, ascended Masters, friends who were astral travelling, Faeries,
> divine or angelic beings? Please specify which, and how often.
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you known things that were going to happen, before they did? How
> far in advance did you know?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you known things you could not logically know, like where some
> ones lost object was, or what they were doing when you were not physically
> present? Other things? Feel free to give examples.
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you imagined or wished for someone to do something, and they did?
> Have you ever felt like your thoughts affect what other people do, like
you
> have mind control powers?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you ever dreamt the future? Have you ever dreamt an unfamiliar
> location and then found yourself there physically some time later?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Do you know who is on the phone before you pick up the receiver? ( Call
> display does not count! :) )
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you known the contents of an email before opening it, or known who it
> is from by how it feels when it is downloading?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you had strange perfumes coming from your body, or smelled sweet
> fragrances such as roses or sandalwood with no physical source?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you blown out a lot of lightbulbs just by flipping the switch or
being
> near them?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Have you experienced manifestations? Things disappearing and appearing
> somewhere else, or finding something that you know was not there last time
> you looked?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Can you see Auras?
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Do you see prana-squiggles? Tiny little swirling comets of light that seem
> to wink in and out of existence... often seen in bright sun or around
trees.
> a) yes.
> b) sometimes.
> c) Everyday.
> d) on a few occasions.
> e) not that I know of.
>
> Your turn, Jesse.. and anyone else who would like to add some questions.
> Have fun! I'll respond myself, when it gets a little longer.. as it is, my
> response to most of these questions would be "every day", except for light
> bulbs.. and a few other things that relate to stuff I've done/experienced
a
> lot in the past but not lately.
>
>
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