To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/10/19 10:55
Subject: [K-list] sciatica response
From: Tym
On 2001/10/19 10:55, Tym posted thus to the K-list:
I am in the middle of an interesting experience
that i would like to share with the list. It is
acutally a very long story, i will try to keep to
the saliant present activities.
Last year, i was living in italy, in an unhealthy
relationship, and began to have extreme sciatic
pain..went to the hospital, was (of course) given
intramuscular drugs (needles and narcotics), and
told to relax. When i came back to the states, i
actually did, the relationship dissolved, and i
was introduced to a doctor named John Sarno, who
said back pain is a somatic response to locked up
emotion, just the awareness of this tends to
release holding patterns. Being a lifelong
student of psychology, this blew me away (i had
thought it physio, not psycho...:)
So, then the salient part..last night i was
somewhere i didn't really want to be, with people
i really didn't want to be with...(the lack of
external love thing is important) and went to
pick up a friend's child, and pulled my low back
very seriously, it was shocking to my system to
say the least. There was no compassion, i was
non-consciously looking and seeking for
something..a semblance of "are you okay," or "let
me rub it for you," or even a glance...nothing,
absolute nothing, in fact it was the opposite,
more like..."whatever, yeah stuff like that
happens."
This morning i had the epiphany, the realisation
that the pattern was the same, the searching
outside for love, for affection, being in a place
i didn't want to be (i didn't drive so i was
"stuck" there), and with people who were really
not in a loving space (nor was i for that
matter!).
So, the realisation of this, this morning, has
shook me up a bit i must say...I am working with
affirmations, and moving towards internal locus
of affection, but i must say that this is
difficult, goes to being in the hospital much as
a child.
Does anyone have feelings on this? I am wondering
how i can best approach it so that i can be more
mindful in the future (in the present), i am well
aware of modalities, but i guess i am really
having to look within...
Blessings, Tym
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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