To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/10/19 07:36
Subject: [K-list] Trust
From: Angelkin11
On 2001/10/19 07:36, Angelkin11 posted thus to the K-list:
Hello, I am new here. For some time now I've been going through an
awakening and cleansing process that I've finally been able to
identify as Kundalini driven. Much of it has been painful because I
tend to cling tightly to my old 'toys', but when I learn to release
something new what comes in its place is absolutely wonderful.
Letting things take their course is getting easier and easier as I
watch my life change in such dramatic ways.
I still have trouble with trust, though. Trusting that this energy
pouring through me isn't going to harm me. Part of me understands
that the pain comes from the clinging and fighting, but I still have
trouble letting go. My mind insists on understanding fully before it
lets something happen.
For example, about two months ago, after a particularly deep healing
session I found myself intimately understanding I was one with all.
The love was so complete and intense that I had to lay down. My body
began to vibrate faster and faster and I just knew I was going to
launch out the window. Sure enough, I felt a tug at my feet like I
was starting to go down a waterslide and I got very dizzy. To make
matters more interesting, duality unified and I understood I was at
once very small and fragile and also infinite and eternal. It was
too much for my mind, which pronounced me "sick" and shut down the
whole process. Which -did- make me sick, and I've had balance and
vertigo problems ever since. I've also been highly allergic to any
chemicals, and people who are imbalanced in any way pull at me like a
magnet when they walk by.
When I am able to relax and work with my guides to let the feeling
come back, its happened in smaller doses and has shown itself to be
the opening of some of my chakras. The first to go was my third eye
which opened in a shower of sparks and a popping sensation. It
turned out to be very keen on picking up everything, and before I had
my guides dampen it until I could find a good teacher, I found that
many peoples thoughts aren't fully formed, just mumbles with a formed
word every now and then. Odd. I was unable to block it out, and
realized that the unified experience I'd had didn't call for blocks.
I just didn't want to intrude on peoples private lives. This was one
week after September 11th, and much of the reason I had it dampened
was a severe backlash of fear from people everywhere. The next
chakra was my solar plexus, which also went with a pop and that
whooshing feeling of going down a waterslide. Kinda fun once I got
the hang of it. ;) That helped strengthen me to resist the pulls of
other peoples energy and feel less like a feather in the gale.
I go to a weekly accupressure clinic for energywork and a massage,
which helps tremendously, and I'm doing a lot on my own daily, but
I'm still having trouble with trust. How do I tell my mind to stop
and let things happen? That its going to work out okay, and the
energy knows what to do. It keeps insisting on knowing every step
and the outcome before it lets things go fully. Suggestions? Advice?
Gratis,
Amy
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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