To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/10/04 09:13
Subject: [K-list] Warm understandings...
From: Unit1021
On 2001/10/04 09:13, Unit1021 posted thus to the K-list:
Hello all,
Made a few realizations here, and I am finnaly starting to get it
all and make the connections.
Before, when I just started this and got it right. My image of
Goddess would change all the time, same energy pattern, but different
image. Different girls that would do things to make me feel better. I
remember feeling only hate and depression and blackness, driving
along and listening to my metal CD's and this girls voice..
"Look at me Sean, look at me!"
And I would get this image of this girl on stage jumping around and
playing the riff's of the music I was listening to on her guitar and
getting all sweaty and really getting into it. Tossing her hair
around banging out the riffs. Now I really like that hehe, I couldn't
help but start feeling better. She would come over and show me the
riffs too.. I totaly forgot about how I felt before. And I learned
the riff's heh.
Or she would change images and do something so absolutly silly that
I would have to start laughing at her. And I would forget how bad I
felt about everything. This happened quite a bit, almost every day.
Now since I stepped out with my spirit body, or astral body or
whatever.. I got this one image to relate to. This seems to be my
main focus point now. Although Mystress Angelique was right I cant
pop out and go places whenever I want and stay there.. Even though
that was my plan heh. I think it was a lesson for me. How to connect
right. Due to my image changing all the time, I didn't know who to
bring up to connect to. Or understand the surrendering thing...
Anyways, now I understand about surrender. I see that image, I
connect with that without thinking about it with my spirit body. I
can tell when I got it. I know its right. My feet and hands start
burning. I have the image, I have the understanding of whats behind
it, I focus on it, I am there. I have it all... I surrender all of me
from all my life to this image and everything behind it...
..But you know its not surrender... Its more like taking in, or on
something, I feel so good. But you have to surrender to do this. I
feel the return instantly. A warm feeling, nice, soft. Its like
that "Thank you my unconcious" Feeling, but its constant.. and
building. Its filling my whole body which is glowing brighter with
it. I feel it in my heart and chest, and also in my throat area. I
think Maria also mentioned this before... It feels so natural to me.
So what I am. After that I am there.
The whole concept is maximum smart. Its perfect.
Before when I would send things up, I could feel it go up my spine
and out the top of my head. It would shivver up. Now that I'm just
using my spirit body things are a lot better, I usually get things
and put them in her hand. She pretty much tells me to give to her
things hand open...(heh) And when they go its a total spiritbody
rush. WOOOOSH! They are really gone, I'm getting pretty good at
emotions and blocks. I can feel them being ripped out of my spirit.
ZWWIIIFFF!! Wow... that feels better! And thats it. Its fixed. I
usualy have to talk to whatever it is for a bit to see what it is,
what its cause is, how to make it better etc... Then it goes. And
things that are keeping me down dissapearing. Horrable things I was
taught growing up, distorting my emotions, that I didnt even know
what they were, now gone... Things that used to make me feel bad, now
I laugh and feel so good doing! I was sooo shocked!
SO THIS IS HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL...GOOD!!! Ahahahaha
Its like being taught again from the begining how your supposed to
be as a human without all those things that people put in me. And
learning one real lesson. One that I am learning for the first time.
YOU ARE LOVED.
I feel it more and more everyday.
After being taught to hate and to fear and to despise myself for so
long. And now turning around to the truth...
Its like a spaceship. After burning all engines for so long on the
wrong course, building up momentum for years and years and now
finally realises that its nowhere, has nothing, and on the wrong map.
Has to flip back around and now burn all engines in the other
direction just to stop the momentum its built up for so long. And all
this just to return to its starting point. Its a hard descision. I
feel like I've finaly just come to neutral velocity after a hard
burn. And after all this time its hard to let go of the controls and
let it burn a new course on its own now.
But at least I know this is the truth now. The real truth. Its so
natural. So right.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WORLD THAT THIS WAS LOST TO EVERYONE!!!!??? WHY
IS THIS NOT UNDERSTOOD???!!! HOW CAN THIS NOT BE UNDERSTOOD?? IT IS
YOU
!!! I also learned about meditation is too.. At least the regular
kind... Its to calm down your brain so it doesnt keep jumpin in to
take a look at what your doing when your using you spirit body hehe.
I love the Cartoon reference hehe, its exactly right. You fly till
you look down...
Thanks everyone..... While this is nowhere near started for me yet
really. I already feel as though I owe some of you my life.
Oh, on a funny note... At a new phsyco-spiritual councilor meeting...
Councilor: Do you feel like hurting anyone?
Sean:(laughs)
Councilor: Why are you laughing?
Sean:(thinks of the moon tonight with black wings spread, claws
raised... Thinks of trying to explain.. Thinks again... decides
against it)
Sean:(laughs)
Sean:(laughs more)
Councilor:(confused..takes notes)
Sean:(is not going to this councilor anymore :)
Sean
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