To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/09/29 18:19
Subject: [K-list] Fw: Need Help - Severe Kundalini
From: L. J. Klinsky
On 2001/09/29 18:19, L. J. Klinsky posted thus to the K-list:
----- Original Message -----
From: Susan Carlson
To: ljklinskyATnospamearthlink.net
Sent: Saturday, September 29, 2001 7:54 PM
Subject: Re: Need Help - Severe Kundalini
Hello Leslee,
It is people like you who give me an opportunity to be of service.
Krishnamurti: "The moment you have in your heart this
extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the
ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed."
>From: "L. J. Klinsky"
>To: "Susan Carlson"
>Subject: Re: Need Help - Severe Kundalini
>Date: Sat, 29 Sep 2001 13:44:24 -0700
>
>Hello again, kind lady. I've been online forever it seems, trying to
>find myself this morning. I'm so tired... But I'm so grateful in so
>many ways.
>
>I'm sorry to hear about you losing your job. I have deep-seated
>security issues, as you probably can tell, and I understand the impact
>of not bringing in green, dead presidents. Know, however, that you are
>transforming me with some of your wisdom...
>
>I am learning from you, so much. Can you feel how much you've opened
>my heart? This is not an easy thing for ANYONE to do, yet your
>kindness has removed a few chinks of armor.
>
> > Meekness is from the Greek word 'prau'.
> > "Meekness toward God is that disposition of spirit in which we
>accept His
> > dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or
>resisting. '
> > Strong's Exhaustive Concordance.
>
>When I was younger, the following words came to me, right or wrong:
>
>"People are so unhappy collectively because they're living someone >else's idea of reality."
Now, isn't that the truth. lol....
>
>Well, this little line of discourse has molded my present psyche ever
>since. I've always wanted to lead a simple life, but the physical
>reality we know doesn't allow it. Instead, I have to work jobs that I
>hate in order to pay for things that I wish I didn't need anyway!
>
>I own land in AZ, but I can't build anything on it unless it's this
>big by that big with this stuff out of these materials this far from
>this and that and the other. To top it off, the government can come in
>to take my land if they decide the water is good or something else! I
>can't even plant trees or anything, for goddess sakes! To me, this is
>not living... I can't camp on my land, but I sure have to pay taxes >though I'm not using it.
Can you donate it and take a write off?
>
>Ultimately, nobody can own the Land, but we silly humans have to own
>everything. I see through it, Susan, I always have. That's where my
>stress has always been coming from. I'd gladly live in a bartering
>community. Hey... I'll play drums for you if you feed me, or I'll heal
>your illness if you listen to me for a few minutes, or I'll fix your
>computer if you let me sleep under a warm roof for the night, ad >infinitum.
Bartering is an alternative for sure.
>
>Maybe it's because I was on the road with bands for more than 17
>years... That's basically the way I lived, and I LOVED it. I loved
>playing music more than life itself, and I loved the community of
>life, but I had to quit because the BUSINESS of music sucked so
>horribly. Imagine writing a song, like I did, that several name acts
>wanted to record. By the time the lawyers and producers and manager
>and co-songwriters get their cuts I don't get a dime. Susan, I've >never understood this physical reality, and I've always fought against >it. Money, to me, is false. It takes away from soul...
Money is neutral. It is just energy. It's the intent of the users who transform the quality of this energy.
>
> > Money is a symbol of energy exchange. There must be an energy
>exchange to > > keep the process clear and clean. I could set myself up as a full
>time guru> > type but I would charge also. Instead I work and then do stuff like
>this for free on the internet. If I ever take this practice into real life I
>will> > charge.
>
>How about love as an energy exchange? Since it's the only thing that
>makes people ultimately happy, anyway, why not use that as currency? I
>know... some will take advantage, just like they do now... But I've >seen that it's possible...
Sure it is possible but love doesn't always make people happy unless they are emotionally clear and healthy to begin with (speaking from my own experiences from my own distortions).
>
>Life would be infinitely easier for me if I could feel about money
>like you do. I WISH I could feel that way because I KNOW I can make
>green paper if I want to. But my heart, I guess my true Self (she's
>there! :))) ) has a different idea about things. People in this group
>were sure right... When our Selves get a conviction, we are NOT going
>to let it go.
>
>Considering that I am actively trying to look for a job I hate right
>now (though each day I pray that no one calls) messes with my head. >I'm doing it, I'm going to interviews. But my Self is crying louder>than the screams in my head last night. A simple life is possible, she >says. I cry because I don't know what to do yet...
Just keep moving forward, one foot at a time. Stepping forward with intent is the first step to manifesting what you want. Who knows what might come about if the you take the job you hate, you don't have to stay there. And you have my permission not to feel as if you *have* to take the job you hate to live the life you love.
>It is wonderful what you did. I'm sure a whole lot of souls were VERY>grateful. I pray to be able to do special things some day.
You will, you are.
snip
>I need many reminders of surrender, often. You are an honest lady, and I appreciate that. You share YOU, not a shell of you.
You must be Me too.
>
> > Trust, trust, trust...this is my biggest boogie man issue. Even when
>some> > one tells me they love me with all their heart and soul I still have
>a hard > > time trusting that to be true.
>
>We are one with this... I am EXACTLY the same way. I never believe it
>when somebody tells me they care about me, but I'm trying to change.
>It's what I like to call the ever-prevalent and fairly ancient Female
>Not Worth a God-Damn Thing Syndrome. I wrote many feminist discourses
>about this topic in my day. My heart has always cried out for the loss
>of the Female. I've never had many female friends, and I never had a
>mother.
This may be why we connect, mirrors for each other, kindred souls.
>I don't know what it is, but when I read your words I feel them. I
>have been trusting you, and I just met you. This is NOT like me at
>all. I don't trust anyone, ever. You are special, Susan. For what
>little power I may have, I can tell that you are special.
>
erf...you're making me blush... Take this moment of trusting and remember how it feels. Once we get a hold of that feeling and anchor it in the body we can enlarge it till we can embody it and make it part of our lives.
> I prefer > > being comfortable financially and spiritual because it gives me the > > opportunity to be of service to a larger amount of people. My sphere >of > > influence is considerably smaller when I am poor.
>
>This makes sense. But what does one do when her heart points her in
>another direction? I've always been different in my thinking. I can't
>think of many people who have ever validated anything I've believed,
>but I've always followed my heart. That's the one true thing about me >along with frightful amounts of honesty!
Follow your heart. There are many paths to fullfillment. All that matters is that it is your path and it serves you.
>
> > You can teach people for free but being able to glow in the dark
>spiritually > > doesn't pay the rent or buy food.
>
>Yes, ma'am, I know this. I've been all ways already--poor, well off,
>in between.
>
> > Sometimes living on the edge of reality,
> > where the veil is thin, we can manifest the things we need without
>cash but > > sometimes it is just easier to work within the systems.
>
>Oh, I've lived within systems out my ass already! lol But... Whenever
>something wonderful and magical has occured in this world throughout
>time--an awakening or marvelous discovery, some person or persons
>bucked the system and was/were looked down upon by many or most. That
>seems to be the way of the world... Heroes are idealized way after >they're dead; but while they live they're treated with absolute >disrespect and disgust.
Yeah but we live with it or make make a movie out of it and sell it. lol.. I am not much of an activist. I prefer to tend my own garden at home than make changes in the global village garden at large. Some people can do it on a larger scale. It has been an energy drain on me more than not. The individual can make a big difference with small acts. It's the butterfly in chaos theory effect.
>I have always bucked the system; it's just the way I truly am inside.>My heart tells me that things can be another way, so I try to find >that way. I've tried every system there is, more than once... Maybe >I'm wrong, but I have to believe my heart. I don't have a choice.
There always choices. Does your choices bring you closer to what you want or farther away? If you find your choices are taking you away from your heart's desire it is time to re-evaluate your choices and do a course correct at the helm of the ship. And examine to see what your heart's desire truly is. Sometimes we say we know what we want but often times it is what that thing is that brings what we truly want. Does that make sense? It is not what we desire that is what we want... it is what the feeling that comes or that state that accomplishing that desire brings.
>Like I said, I wish I could feel like you do... It would be SO much >easier on me. Bless you for being able to adjust to the whole thing. >Shrinks would say I have a Severe Adjustment Disorder! It's just who I >am.
LOL....How many times have I said that to myself these last ten years.?! I have given up trying to be normal and adjusted...sigh...I still have deep personal issues galore to work on...Just when I think it's handled another layer of the onion peels away to reveal ....????? But I think that is called just being a practicing human being.
> > If you can get to > > that place and remain there consistently without going mad...you go >grrrl. >
>I'm hoping to get there and remain there, friend. Other ways do not
>work for me anymore. For all we know, though, I'll end up working at
>McDonalds, peddling poison to families. I don't have a clue where I'm
>going next...
That place is a possible state to maintain. You go for it.
> > I think believing we have to give it up to find truth does us a
>disservice. > > The universe is amazingly and generously abundant. I think the issue
>is more> > of being an ordinary person with an extraordinary vision and
>expression.
>
>To me, it's not giving anything up to live as I envision, it's gaining
>the world and all the love it holds. My father only told me one
>non-mean thing in his life: If you never dream of castles, you'll
>never own one. That's the only sentence that I ever held in my heart
>from that man. My Self will die inside if I feel differently.
You know what a kick in the pants statement your first statement is? That's the big cosmic joke. You already have the world and the love it holds... you just don't realize it. Have you ever thought about living your life as if that were true and instead of living your life believing you have no love and nothing to gain in this world? You may not feel like this is true but it is. All that separates these two different realities is how you feel about it. Try living from a different perspective for awhile...as if love was omnipresent. Practice living this way. Practice living and walking with love for Self in every step. Honor your Self. Self doesn't die but we can die to hearing Self.
>Do you know what, Susan? Talking to you like this is bringing out my
>Self. I honestly meant that I could not find her when I said so in my
>posts to you, but as I'm talking to you now I am recognizing her a
>lot. What a supreme blessing to know who I am, even if I can never
>live as I envision. Bless you, bless you, bless you... Grateful does
>not begin to express the feeling I have that you have accepted me.
>
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Gratitude is a powerful state, it attracts grace into our lives. It is the input of grace that will empower you to live the life you envision. There is a book out there called "Fuck, Yes!" about saying yes to *everything* that life brings to you. It is quite the spiritual discipline if you try it and it baffles the onlookers.
> > The real work and challege is living and embodying spiritual > > principles on the job and before our families and friends.
>
>I've read so many books on this that I can explode with information,
>and I know that many, many people believe this and live it well. But I
>don't believe life has to be a challenge if we are true to ourselves.
>How many sages, etc. have said something to the effect of: When you
>follow your path, the path of your heart, with all your heart, the >world will be laid at your feet.
Yeah, true most of the time as long as one is faithful to being clean and clear in their intent. And it involves knowing what is the path of our heart. If you know what that is you are fortunate indeed.
>
>When I was playing music, often I didn't make any money, but it didn't
>matter to me. I was with people who loved me, pouring love through
>wood and metal to countless multitudes, learning, living a simple
>life. I always had a roof over my head. I never went more than a
>couple of days without eating.
>
>The point is, I know I can't do it with music again like I did. I can
>never go back. But I think something else awaits and I so look forward
>to unfolding it if I am allowed.
One of my hardest lessons in my life was that life doesn't have to be an either/or proposition. In other words, you can do this but not if you do that. You can do many things and I give you that permission :))))) There can be a better way. True you can never go back but you can recreate something wonderful with the elements of what gave you joy before. (SUSAN, are you paying attention to this!!!!)
snip
>What a wonderful, empowering story. The thing I'm getting from it,
>though, is this: The miller and his wife both LOVED what they did,
>though it was simple, and they believed in it and put their whole
>hearts into their lives. That's what made it work for them. I don't
>see anything in the story that points to how they reacted when they
>didn't have enough money for taxes or their roof was leaking or
>someone got sick. And we KNOW that this stuff happened. I wouldn't
>mind grinding grain if it would make me happy. Shit... I've punched
>cardboard for a living, cleaned toilets, worked in fast food joints
>and retail shops... I know the drill, but my heart is telling me I
>have a mission to fulfill. Maybe She's stark-raving mad, but at least >I know who she is now.
Kewl!
snip
> > She always listens...no answer is an answer. I hate those answers.
>
>She seems to be working, at least while I'm writing this e-mail.
>
> > Look for the joy, dear one. It is there.
>
>It is you, who are the dear one. Bless you, Susan.
>
>Leslee
>
>P.S. I don't know whether the group would appreciate this one or not.
I bet they would.
Love,
Susan
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