To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/09/27 11:00
Subject: Re: [K-list] Need Help - Severe Kundalini
From: L. J. Klinsky
On 2001/09/27 11:00, L. J. Klinsky posted thus to the K-list:
Wow... Thank you Serena. I think you're right... I found the right
place, gratefully. I've been thinking that I'm going absolutely
stark-raving mad. If it weren't for the books I came across with
descriptions of this, I don't know what I would've done.
> At times I've had to do the corpse pose after every pose, and really
> slow down the pace of my practice. Such energy reminds me that
> yoga isn't just a kind of exercise, but a really powerful way
> of meditating with and in the body.
I'm wondering about the pranyama exercises I'm doing, Kapalibahti and
Analoma Viloma. These seem to take me elsewhere. I'm not sure if this
is good or bad. I have really slowed down my yoga routine, to the
point where I'll relax 20 minutes before doing another pose. If it
will help me get through this process quicker, I'm willing to "suffer"
some now. Does that make sense? I really would like to normalize into
whatever I'm becoming as soon as possible because this is scary.
> I have gotten intensely averse to doing poses at times
> (and when I pushed on anyway, I regretted it horribly
> as it brought mood swings, inability to focus,
> irritability and physical pain). I think an
> aversion to any particular pose or kind of practice is an
> important message.
>
> I have had so many yoga teachers say
> "the practice you don't want to do, is the one you really NEED to
do."
>
> :-PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
I don't know, Serena. I'm tending to think that the poses that scare
me the most are the ones that have the most to teach me. When I feel
out of control or weirdness during a yoga session, I stop the pose I'm
doing and take a hot bath to "chill out." Thankfully I have time for
this at the present time. Then, after a while I dry myself off and
resume. So far this has helped me more than I can say. Nothing in me
seems to be saying that doing my yoga will be bad for me, but I'm not
totally in touch with myself so I'm not always sure what my body is
trying to say. When it gets to the point where something says STOP, I
will definitely stop.
> They just don't know what it is like to
> be running the max energy you can tolerate plus some already.
> Why do practices that will raise more energy when I've already
> got all I can handle?
This makes sense, but if I don't do my yoga, my body is stiff and
hurts all over. I get a kind of peace along with the intense energy,
if this makes sense.
> Wow, if we could blend your left leg with my right one, we'd have
one
> normal leg. When something blocks my energy flow, it seems
> to back up down my right leg and it is jumpy electrical fire.
Wow... I've felt that jumpy electrical feeling at times...
> I used to do long corpse pose meditations
> (45min-1 hour) that were about practicing death
> (don't ask me exactly why I needed to do this), and my
> body would get stiff and cold all over, particularly my extremities.
> My Higher Self told me this was part of the experience.
It's interesting that you say the above. I've been feeling like I'm
dying, like I'm going to become someone else. This is scarier than any
other feeling. My body has been getting extremely cold and stiff as a
board, just like you say. One doctor diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia
when he didn't even really check me over very well. My symptoms don't
match any book on that subject that I've read, as well. I've got a
second-opinion appointment scheduled with another rheumatologist but
I'm tending to think this is not a conventional medical problem. Some
have suggested peripheral neuropathy and schitzophrenia for such
symptoms. I am so grateful I found this group...
> I am assuming there is nothing about your meditational posture
> itself that causes this numbness... maybe I shouldn't assume.
> Sitting with anything pressing into
> the area where the leg joins my ass in back causes the kind
> of coldness and numbness you described. A meditation cushion
> used while meditating in any cross-legged sitting position
> can easily block enough nerve/blood flow to shut down the
> leg on one side.
I understand what you're saying about blood flow, and you make great
points. I just want to understand a little more. I do sit on a
comfortable meditation cushion, one that takes the pressure off my
legs (a V-shaped cushion). I don't sit in Lotus, just simple
cross-legged pose without pressure. If I feel uncomfortable at the
beginning of a meditation, I readjust immediately, but normally the
paralysis begins pretty far into the meditation. As a test, I reversed
my legs so that the left one was on top (normally I put the right one
on top). The same thing happened--left leg paralysis. This flipped me
out.
> I have experienced this, but not often. Getting conscious rest
> was important for me. If I couldn't sleep, I could rest the body
> and practice acceptance of the energy surges... notice them
> and accept them. Letting go of sleep as the goal helped.
> Instead, I worked on rest. The corpse poses was/is good training.
SUPERB POINT. I've been forgetting to accept things and letting go of
sleep as a goal. Instead I've been panicking. Great reminder. Thank
you!!!!
> I suffer the most from these symptoms when I am trying to
> force myself to do something I probably shouldn't be doing...
> when I spend time with people when I crave solitude,
> when I run around when I crave slowness/stillness, when I try
> to read/write/do something "productive" when I crave
> "nonproductivity" and simple animal-level pleasures.
> Learning not to fight what I really need and want has been
> really important for me.
Another extremely valid point. I am trying to learn what I REALLY need
and want. This is not always easy.
> I often take a pen and blank sheet of paper to hand and write down
> whatever words come to me. I don't judge, criticize or argue
> with whatever words come; I simply
> record. This is where I get my guidance and my answers.
...
> Listening is perhaps more productive than praying/petitioning;
> so often my Higher Self has had to shout me down
> or more commonly wait me out, just to give me the
> insight I'm crying for...
I will try everything you suggest here, pen/paper and a whole lot more
listening. Thank you so much. You've helped more than you could ever
know. Sincerely,
Leslee
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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