To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/09/27 07:39
Subject: Re: [K-list] Need Help - Severe Kundalini
From: Serenasbliss
On 2001/09/27 07:39, Serenasbliss posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Leslee-
I think you are in the right place and you will find great help here.
I had some experiences in common with you and I'll share
what I've learned so far... The process is really individual.
> Here are my symptoms:
>
> 1. When I do my Hatha-style yoga routine, I often feel massive counter-
> clockwise circles of energy at all chakras. Then I feel like I am just a
huge
> ball of energy, mixing with the world at large. This isn't a bad feeling,
nor
> does it feel like an illness; it feels like something else. I have to go
into
> Corpse Pose for moments after many poses so my body can "come back."
> Additionally, I'm a huge "buzz" all the time. I feel like I can feel every
> molecule moving in my body every moment.
>
At times I've had to do the corpse pose after every pose, and really
slow down the pace of my practice. Such energy reminds me that
yoga isn't just a kind of exercise, but a really powerful way
of meditating with and in the body.
I have gotten intensely averse to doing poses at times
(and when I pushed on anyway, I regretted it horribly
as it brought mood swings, inability to focus,
irritability and physical pain). I think an
aversion to any particular pose or kind of practice is an
important message.
I have had so many yoga teachers say
"the practice you don't want to do, is the one you really NEED to do."
:-PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
They just don't know what it is like to
be running the max energy you can tolerate plus some already.
Why do practices that will raise more energy when I've already
got all I can handle?
> 2. When I meditate, my left toe, left leg, and left hip invariably go numb
> after a short period of time. By the end of a 40-minute meditation, the
> whole
> left toe/leg/hip complex feels completely dead. I can pound with all my
> strength on my leg and not feel a thing for many minutes. I guess you could
> call this complete temporary paralysis. Itzhak Bentov calls it a
> physiological brain-cortex phenomenon that eventually leads the nervous
> system to a higher state of evolution. That is, if you can get a handle on
it
> before permanent damage occurs.
>
Wow, if we could blend your left leg with my right one, we'd have one
normal leg. When something blocks my energy flow, it seems
to back up down my right leg and it is jumpy electrical fire.
I used to do long corpse pose meditations
(45min-1 hour) that were about practicing death
(don't ask me exactly why I needed to do this), and my
body would get stiff and cold all over, particularly my extremities.
My Higher Self told me this was part of the experience.
I am assuming there is nothing about your meditational posture
itself that causes this numbness... maybe I shouldn't assume.
Sitting with anything pressing into
the area where the leg joins my ass in back causes the kind
of coldness and numbness you described. A meditation cushion
used while meditating in any cross-legged sitting position
can easily block enough nerve/blood flow to shut down the
leg on one side. If this is happening, I can usually feel it right away
and I just adjust my position on the cushion. The edge of the cushion or
chair needs to run either directly under my sit-bones or
else mid-thigh, to avoid this problem.
> 3. I have variable pains occurring in my body, differing most every day,
> with corresponding surges of energy seeming to go to those areas.
Presently
> my
> neck is sore. Other times I've had intense pains in my shoulder blades and
> back, legs, and my arms.
>
This is really classic for me. I think I get pain where some people
say they get wonderful tingling sensations. Conscious rest periods help.
> 4. I have not slept more than one and a half hours straight in over 3 1/2
> months. I try to force myself to go back to sleep after each waking. Last
> night I didn't sleep more than 45 minutes straight because I was woke by
> energy surges, giving me a total of 4 hours sleep. Even when I am totally
> tired, the energy surges through my body anyway, keeping me awake. The
> feeling is as if I drank 1000 cups of coffee, only I haven't had any or any
> other outside stimuli.
I have experienced this, but not often. Getting conscious rest
was important for me. If I couldn't sleep, I could rest the body
and practice acceptance of the energy surges... notice them
and accept them. Letting go of sleep as the goal helped.
Instead, I worked on rest. The corpse poses was/is good training.
>
> 5. I've been having a hard time focusing and I feel disoriented often,
> probably because I'm not getting any sleep.
I suffer the most from these symptoms when I am trying to
force myself to do something I probably shouldn't be doing...
when I spend time with people when I crave solitude,
when I run around when I crave slowness/stillness, when I try
to read/write/do something "productive" when I crave
"nonproductivity" and simple animal-level pleasures.
Learning not to fight what I really need and want has been
really important for me.
>
> 6. I have an incredible, recurring ringing in my ears that can't be
believed.
> It's almost conversational in nature, and sometimes it even overpowers
> outside sounds. It is hard to sleep sometimes because of this, too.
I don't have this one, but I bet someone does.
I get that conversational
sense from wind in trees and a windy day in the park is usually enough
to fling me into some kind of state.
>
> 7. I often feel like "something" is trying to communicate.
I often take a pen and blank sheet of paper to hand and write down
whatever words come to me. I don't judge, criticize or argue
with whatever words come; I simply
record. This is where I get my guidance and my answers.
>
> I am scared and pray for help.
>
> Leslee
You aren't alone in any sense.
I think I got scared and prayed for help just
this morning. Isn't this normal? :-)
Listening is perhaps more productive than praying/petitioning;
so often my Higher Self has had to shout me down
or more commonly wait me out, just to give me the
insight I'm crying for...
Serena
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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