To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/09/26 08:21
Subject: [K-list] Experience's with empathy, new understandings, even more questions...
From: Unit1021

 Hello hello hello,

 Thanks to everyone!

 An amazing thing happened to me. Here I am learning who I am, how I
work, how I feel, how I feel in relation to others. How my perception
is relivent to me. And I study this every day. All day. I have this
burning in me to understand everything. To know the reasons behind
the reasons. I've read everything, I've tried to understand
everything. I practice surrendering, letting go... But I am not doing
something right...

 Then a few days ago I was talking to my friends on paltalk and I was
going on about how I was trying to get it all down. They told me
straight out.

 DONT TRY TO UNDERSTAND IT. THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN EVER UNDERSTAND
WHAT THIS IS. LET-IT-GO.

 Now I took this advice, and I accosiated it with surrender. But
thought nothing more because..I already know this stuff...

 Now later on that night. I had an understanding. I am not really
surrendering this. I am not letting this go. Even though I say I am.
I am holding on to it. ... HOW?
 By my anilizing every experience. By tracing the energy to wherever
it goes. By holding it in front of me so I can see it. To try and try
to understand what it is and how it will effect me and for how long,
for what outcome. I did my journaling to piece it all together,
Mystress Angelique said to stop that.. I did.. but my thoughts still
kept spinning out new ideas never letting go...

 Then it all came together.. What I've been told here, what I've been
told by others, what I've read.

BONK!

 "I will not try to understand my empathy anymore. I will not try to
understand how it all works. I will not try to control it I will let
it go and be what it wants to be. I-WILL-LET-IT-ALL-GO!"

 WHOA!!!

 I saw it so clear right at that moment! I saw that I was holding my
energy on the outside of me, afraid of it, mis-understanding it,
fearfull of what it might do. Analizing it, not letting it be me..

 I felt it move.. I felt it move into me. I felt like a million
sparks went off all at once in my heart and chest area. like an
electrical storm. I knew for certain.. This was me. This is me. And
this is good. I felt surrounded by ..uhh.. spititual life water?? It
feels thick and sticky heh. I had this before.. A long time ago.. But
I lost it along the way. Now its back. And its better! I feel so much
better. I feel like.. I am me again.
 I feel so connected to everything now. And it doesnt hurt! I have a
new understanding about people and there ways. There still are some
things that come in. But This is so much better than anything I have
ever felt. Its like I am part of... uhh... Life flow? What everything
is made of? Hmmm... I dont have the right words...
 It's not just energy, its inteligent. I dont control it. I ask it
now. Who are you? I am me. Right on! Can you fix me up? Ok... I feel
it go around my body and start going to the places that need help.
And I feel better. Whoa! I ask if its Goddess and I feel realy good.
I thank it and get that power surge back heh. Its absolutly amaizing.

 Now this comes back to The Big Question(tm). WHO AM I? If I should
even care anymore... These things are returning to me. Better than
before,(just like Mystress Angeliqe said they would) but anyways. It
is a return. I feel Goddess all the time with me. Like a sun shining
wherever I go. I felt this again after so long and said... "Oh.. I
know you! Hello!" Now I know why I felt so sad for so long. Before i
used to feel a silver thread comming down from the sky and it would
connect to a big red ruby that was my heart. It would spin and shine
and I would feel so good about myself. I knew something was there. I
felt that sun with me too.. I thought this was normal stuff for
everyone. I knew i had this "pink stuff" that was part of my heart
that i was surrounded by and I could use to do things to. Charge up
with good energy, send out to pick up nature energy etc.. It was
happy sause haha. I could see into myself and I was a rainbow
(chakra's?). With my music, or other's music the rainbow would shine
and dance with flashing colors.

 Now that pink stuff is all intelligent bright light thats still
sticky and connects to everything. I feel like I'm shining. I know
who that sun is now. It shines on me and I feel between the 2 I am
glowing! My mind has expanded like crazy here for sure. But I dont
think I could have had an awakening when I was 15 and not know about
it. With no bad effects at all. This stuff was just a part of me. And
I became more aware of it then. Just like now. Its all strange...

 Anyways. This is a strange day. I feel like I am Neo from The
Matrix. Its pretty.... different...  So thanks to everyone here. I am so glad I was lead here and met up
with the people I needed to. There are so many others who dont have a
clue as to what the real deal is. I would have been lost otherwise. I
am so glad...

 Thanks

 Sean

http://www.kundalini-gateway.org

DISCLAIMER!

---

Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe

K.  List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and  Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.

Feel free to submit any questions you might have about what you read here to the Kundalini mailing list moderators, and/or the author (if given). Specify if you would like your message forwarded to the list. Please subscribe to the K-list so you can read the responses.

All email addresses on this site have been spam proofed by the addition of ATnospam in place of the symbol.

All posts publicly archived with the permission of the people involved. Reproduction for anything other than personal use is prohibited by international copyright law. ©

This precious archive of experiential wisdom is made available thanks to sponsorship from Fire-Serpent.org.

URL: http://www.kundalini-gateway.org/klist/k2001b/k200104560.html