To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/09/19 12:38
Subject: [K-list] Time to go - one last thought - please unsubscribe
From: Denise Lyon Anding
On 2001/09/19 12:38, Denise Lyon Anding posted thus to the K-list:
... I say this with a heavy heart ... I have come to love and enjoy so many of you on this list .. so many of you have made me laugh and often so tenderly... (tears welling up...)
...but it is time to give the majority of you what you want ... time to go ... (sigh)
... as much as I have come to enjoy you 'dancing on the airwaves" Angelique, I realized that Americans are simply not welcome here ... you mentioned your own distaste for what you label "the American archetype." ... the "Ugly American" ...when the webmistress despises a whole country ... then this is not a climate where it is for me to remain ... this is your website/house ... and I will respect your inner wishes and retreat... that is the respectful thing to do ... as I am just a reminder of all that you hate ... I am not angry with you ... I will always have fond thoughts of .. and ... for you ... just know when to leave... even if it is reluctantly....
No matter what this "me" says or does - it will always be filtered through the lens of "hating"- what people perceive as all things American... and "me" gets lumped in with that perception on this list.
I understand this anger and hatred that so many people have - some for real reasons and some imagined ... but this rage accomplishes little ... there is a new generation in America - not those who fought WWII and the Cold War with such ferocity, making blunders in many countries ...
... I ought to know ... my father really was/is CIA - they don't ever really retire - and consented to have my little sister and me assassinated - this happened many times - just to cover his own tracks/unwise decisions ... someone to shift the blame onto and create a distraction away from him and "the company".... he even tried to just leave us stranded with no passports, no food, no money and no one to turn to - in a "falling" country ...in a way to "box us in" to die ... to be an easy target for the assassins... didn't matter we were just children ...
... these people get caught up in a psychosis of hatred and will believe the most illogical unreal things ... and he also did it to gain favor for his "loyalty and patriotism" in order to climb that corporate ladder ... ALL wives AND children are considered "expendable" - cannon fodder - on assignment - but I found a way to survive that atmosphere of madness ... barely ... and protect my little sister at that time ...who died four years later at the age of fifteen in spite of my best efforts.....
.. I've seen other people ...in other countries... and as well as here in America die ...because he was always so concerned about saving himself ... the manipulations were astounding ... witnessing it all ... he even "trained" me to take a bullet for him ...to be his human shield ...that kind of garbage starts early in childhood ... and you wonder why I was often depressed? Geeeez! ... that's how I know about Bush and his background ... I'm only too intensely aware of his power brokers ... and how they "work" him... his "handlers."
... this rage of international politics is repugnant to me ... I know where it always goes... you - this list - are just playing with dynamite - and "the bad dogs" like my father will be turned loose to wreak havoc... they are off their leashes even as I write this ... psychotics fighting other terrorist psychotics...now there's a battle of wills and pride and destruction... no one ever wins... a lot of innocent people are killed in the crossfire... I'm one of the extreme few who lived to tell the story... the others are all dead...
...this rage you are expressing only serves to entrench this very kind of people in America - that I have fought for decades to move past their "stinking thinking." It is a slow process and I was making a lot of headway over the years until this terrorist act brought the world's reaction to kick America while they thought she was weak... listing their grievances even before the victim's families were notified that their loved ones were dead... let alone buried. Now these people have just dug in their heels...reflecting you ... doing the same...
It was just "bad form," guys, to jump all over the event with this analysis and anger.... waiting for at least a few days or a week would have been a lot wiser and compassionate. I see nothing wrong with wanting to analyze it all - and point fingers and blame if you must - though much is rarely accomplished with all that - to me the smart thing to do is find ways to pull together and undo the injustices in so many countries, to undo the damage caused from previous American policies... and work together to create smarter and more compassionate and less interventionist policies... I am part of that new generation in America .... in spite of the world's raging...
... after all, governments are nothing but a group of people living in the same geographical area ... and I consider myself a citizen of the world before being an American as I live in the world first and then in America second. I recognize I am connected to all other countries whether Russia or Germany, Saudi Arabia or Britain, Afghanistan or France... when will you recognize you are likewise connected to the American people?
The average person here has had a distaste for war since Vietnam and hasn't been too thrilled since the Gulf War when we realized we were doing nothing but supporting/dying/killing for an oppressive monarchy and big business - it was surprising how many did not know this little omitted fact during the war... our media has been selective in what is revealed or magnified unlike European news which tends to stress a more rounded balanced - even jaded - view.
I have been chased by death many times - by way too many dangerous people - over many years - all by what my father and his bosses set in motion... and because of Spirit mentoring me - have always outmaneuvered/fought it when death came my way - and still marvel today that I still live - and even managed to protect a few other people in the process - both here and in other countries... because I chose to be faithful to them.
I know what it takes to be truly tough and survive any atmosphere and I also know how important it is NOT to take our hearts to hatred and hard-heartedness.... no matter what life dumps on your doorstep... and some of you actually think I "live in a pretty little world"... what you don't know nor took the time to ask....
...because in the end that same hard-heartedness is what traps a person in their own hell ... I can detect a manipulator, a liar, a bully, a person with an agenda, faster than lightning can strike... I've lived an intense lifetime with all the "smoke and mirrors" and "baffle them with bullshit" and "cover stories" and "we can neither confirm nor deny..." phrases... well, those "phrases" are real life; this isn't a child's game played at the safe distance from your computer screen - thinking it will never touch "you." This is real life in all its graphic horror... and it will spread out to touch each and every one of you ... none of us are immune like we think/delude ourselves we are...
I survived these kind of long term situations/war because I chose to never lie to others and especially to myself. Remaining focused upon the Truth is what enabled me to wind my way through the confusing labyrinth life presented me - and finally find that welcome exit sign. And because I told the truth, often unvarnished, there were many people who put their lives on the line/and taught me how to stay alive in this insane atmosphere - in spite of what my father was doing or could do to them...
... there are people in this world who really do have honor and depth - both in America and other countries ... but they can tell a lie and manipulation as easily as me and if I had a history of doing these things they would never have helped us so repeatedly - for it is repugnant to them.
The "sins of the father visited upon the children..." is this the kind of life you want your children to experience ?... because of your decisions to hate and devalue others? It could get this ugly for your own children... situations you cannot now even imagine... is this what you want for them?
I implore you to leave this hatred behind... hate has a nasty way of entering your life and burrowing into every layer ... destroying so much from within ... as you hate others - all it does is create destruction inside yourselves .. it is an all-consuming poison ...what good comes of this? ... hatred has a way of dumping a mountain of rubble onto a person's soul and hiding their great Beauty ... when will you allow someone to come along and dig you out? Americans are some of those people willing to dedicate themselves to you for as long as it takes to free you....
I shall honor my Indian Sioux heritage and continue in this role of "Faithkeeper" - centered in spiritual vision and at peace - no matter what events befall this global tribe...us... because this role is important as a balance when many in the tribe slip into pain, fear or dissension.... my "job" is always to continue in the lifeline to the Presence.... and Love... for the Faithkeeper is the one person the tribe relies upon to remain connected to the Presence even when they forget themselves...
Love to All,
And I will remember you All - from every country - in my constant prayers,
Denise
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.