To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/09/04 10:17
Subject: [K-list] Grand Dad
From: Denise Lyon Anding
On 2001/09/04 10:17, Denise Lyon Anding posted thus to the K-list:
Been thinking about a lot of things going on this list, in the world at large, and personal friends and their process of struggling to develop.
Never realized until recently just how much effort - Herculean at times - I put into ending the conflict inside myself ... becoming truly at peace. The benefits keep multiplying exponentially. Life really does only get better. Used to think that was some silly cliché. What becomes more interesting as time goes by is that once I consciously stopped reacting from my emotions/cultural programming and disciplined myself to lead with my inner self, well, life got a whole lot easier. An added bonus to being at peace is I can honestly see everyone's side to any dispute and relate to each feeling. Then, I carefully listen for the Wisdom in it All.
Every once in a while, in childhood, there was someone placed in my life, at just the right time, who was that "calm port in the storm." Usually, they were people who validated and encouraged me to continue on the same path. They clearly saw what was going on around/to me, could not always physically protect me, so would offer understanding and even "a game plan" on how to survive the environment. Made it a point to be "truly teachable," listening for what Spirit sent my way.
Grand Dad Lyon was one such person; he was eighty years old when I was born. It was hard to believe he was my father's own father. My father was a raging mean-spirited chauvinist and Grand Dad, well, he was just cool. He constantly reminded my father that women are precious and are to be treated with utmost respect, that often women are the best of mankind. He repeatedly told me not to believe my father that "women are unimportant and just second-class citizens." Grand Dad said he was "just talking nonsense. We all know it isn't true." And he would dismiss it with a laugh and shake of his head.
He was one of the few mature Christians I've ever met. He never was the "finger-pointer," constantly finding fault with others and pushing religion onto them, demanding that others bend to their way of thinking; they were the only ones who were "right.". He used to read his Bible every day and yet this was a man who never entered into that religious rage we see too often. And he was Baptist at that. His friends came from all walks of life (religions and races too, uncommon man for his time...He welcomed my mother into the family even though she was Catholic and that just was not normally tolerated in that time; it was considered a real "career breaker" to marry a Catholic back then... Grand Dad knew his only surviving son was taking a great risk to his future and still he said "phooey on that, times will change" - times did change).
Grand Dad taught me a lot. I was the only grandchild who took the time to sit and listen and learn from him. He taught me to love. He always said, "Love long .... and love well. Accept everyone no matter what they believe nor what they do. People will often assume things about you that simply are not true. Pay no attention. People are often just scared in life; they say and do harsh things when they are most frightened. When people are terribly frightened it's because change is coming; their world as they knew it is about to change. Going through that change makes people feel unsteady. Maturity is really about 'loving long.' You steady yourself in life through 'loving long.' Keep your focus on loving, then the result is that the people around you can get through anything that life presents to them. Religion is nice but it isn't spirituality and it won't develop you. Only Love can truly do that."
Grand Dad was only in my life for brief moments. He would often come for six weeks, sometimes only two weeks, during the summers. Most of the kids in the neighborhood would get all excited that he was coming to visit. They would start asking me even before school was out for the summer, "When is Grand Dad coming?" It was like a special event was scheduled and they were waiting in breathless anticipation, like they wanted to make sure they had tickets and the event was not sold out. They wanted to make sure their family was not going on vacation at the same time and they might miss his visit; he was treated like a celebrity. He often looked like the piped piper with a trail of children following after him wherever he would go. And we were all laughing with delight in the moment.
Most of them had grandparents who could care less about them, let alone spend time with them and take them seriously. I was happy to share my grandfather with them; he was just that cool a guy. My father thought he was stupid for spending time with children as young as five years old. Grand Dad's reply? He would chuckle and say, "I'm just getting the next generation ready as my next circle of friends, waiting until they become adults. It isn't that long a wait. After all, I've outlived all of my first and second and third group of friends. My immediate relatives, all ten brothers and sisters, are gone too. Might as well cultivate my fourth circle of friends. There is no sense in being lonely. Friends are important. Besides, I like their exuberance." My father would shake his head and walk away. He never did understand.
Grand Dad was never sick a day in his life; he always attributed it to the balance created through the act of loving long. He was never lonely. He died at ninety-six years old. He was well loved. My father is still alive, old, sick and drove away all his friends and relatives a long time ago. My father chose to hate. Grand Dad chose to love and "love long." He always said that this was what Jesus really taught him. "It's that loving long that matters most in life." Grand Dad still looks out for his ornery son, hoping that one day he will "catch the vision." The story isn't over ... when you "love long."
"Loving Long,"
Denise
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