To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/08/23 02:32
Subject: [K-list] love and confirmation
From: José H
On 2001/08/23 02:32, José H posted thus to the K-list:
Dear K-listers,
Some of my filosofy and experience:
recently more stories from different people start to come up on another list I am on (on bipolar disorder), many people seem to have experienced severe trauma before they were even one year old. It is my experience too, had a very difficult start in life.
I am happy this finally turns up, since biological psychiatry drove me crazy the last few years - and it keeps people enslaved - still.
Doing a course on a certain kind of bodywork/touching-therapy (called haptonomy over here in Holland) I started to feel how important it is, everything we feel even still in the womb and that first year after, through our parents hands, touching us, and directly from the energy they send out to us. I feel this is were we get the feeling - usually, I hope - that we are accepted the way we are, we are OK as we are, without having to prove anything.
I didn't get this feeling - so I proved myself intellectually and got rewarded for that - untill I ended up in a mental hospital, got diagnosed with bipolar disorder (after a K-awakening in India by the way, something that was not seen in spite of pretty good diagnosis and treatment on everything else - spirituality is hardly an issue in dutch psychiatry)
After this, there was no other way than to start looking inward since the tower of intellectual achievement and strenght because of that, had collapsed. Through lots of dancetherapy and bodywork, my K-process started up again a few years ago, and I am still so happy to have found this list. I went back to India afterwards and got confirmed on my experiences over there - plus learned, there and throught this list ofcourse, I wasn't the only one with these things happening. I finally started to feel human.
(In spite of great tolerance on many things, Holland is somewhat narrowminded on extreme experiences like this, nobody talks about it. There is this filosofy: act normal, that's crazy enough. So I kept feeling I was pretty crazy)
Trying to get back to what I wanted to say - not really sure myself - is that in the end I feel accepted in this spiritual experience, in K-experience and the fact I am not alone in this, and not crazy for experiencing those things. It is giving me what I never got, and should have gotten as a little baby. Maybe I would never have experienced as much from the spiritual world without this trauma - and would not experience the world around me in this light. I see many people around me who got more of this love and confirmation as a child - but get stuck in material wellbeing as long as they can get it.
I am not sure what I am bringing up - I don't know exactly why I am writing this - but it came to me after writing about loving yourself to Shahadaa. I will post it anyway, maybe somebody can help me out on this.
Love and blessings, José
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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