To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/08/16 15:26
Subject: [K-list] Hi
From: thalia

Hi,
   Have never posted to a list before so have not got a clue if this is
correct or not, will someone let me know. Have been receiving post for a
couple of weeks now and have read with interest all that has been shared...
   Why have chosen to write now, that is a good question and one I do not
know the answer to, maybe I am looking for support in that I am not going
mad and am not going to go mad.. Although at this present time insanity
feels like the easier option.. What can be said, first of all let me
explain that I have a Dissociative Identity Disorder, not sure how many of
you have come across this or have even heard of it, but in simple terms it
means that due to extreme truama in early life and for a large part of life,
personalities were created to help survive it all, some of these
personalities are children, and behaveand act like children. Others only
have certain feelings and emotions available to them and some have no
feelings at all.. Why am I telling you all this. To be honest I do not know
why... So forgive me if I ramble one thing that is hard to cope with is not
just the remembering of the trauma and flashbacks of this life time, but
also the trauma and flashbacks from previous life times sometimes they get
all mixed up and it is hard to know from where it is all coming.. Living
life is hard and being in a body even harder, Feeling not only your pain but
what at times also feels like the whole of earths pain can be terrifying and
un-bearable, at times I feel that I am talking a language that only I
understand as if by the time it comes out of the mouth it has been
translated into soem foriegn langauge that no-one has ever come across
before, they look at you as if you are from another place another planet,
loneliness is beyond description isolation too painful to describe.. Yet
soemthing inside keeps on trudging hoping that home does truly exist, for it
feels as though almost since the begining of time it has been lost as
quickly as it was known to be there it was no longer visible, as though
snatched away, ever since then a deep longing to return has been held
within.. I know the words of look within and it is all there before you,
and yes I can see but feeling it and touching it at this present time is not
possible and that breaks my soul and heart.. This for now is where I will
leave it, hope it makes some sense to someone somewhere.. Thalia..

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