To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/08/15 19:41
Subject: Re: [K-list] karma judo the return
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2001/08/15 19:41, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 12:18 PM 8/15/01, dafmobileATnospamhotmail.com wrote:
>Hi folks,
Hiya!
>I am wondering if recieving people's judgement, criticisms, and anger
>works the same as blame and empathy in "karma yoga"...ie when someone
>blames you for their unhappiness, this is a sort of transference of
>power so that you have the ability to choose to surrender it to
>Goddess. Is anger and judgement a similar transference?
It can be. Have to take it on a case-by-case basis, and remember, if you
cannot surrender it, you can always hand it back. Label the energy "return
to sender" and redirect it back, whence it came.
>Guess I am asking because I regularly have to defend myself against
>my parents verbal attacks, judgments, criticisms, and the rigidity of
>their minds...as well as their severe homophobia which even though
>they consciously think I am straight they subconsciously KNOW that I
>am different than them (being bisexual and a woman does not fit into
>the framework of their minds). This gets tiring, esp since I have
>been without effective psychic boundaries and grounding most of my
>life, I have accordingly incurred wounds from a lifetime of dominance
>that I have been rapidly and greatfully healing.
Hmm.. why do you feel you have to defend yourself against this? It
might be valuable for you to surrender to accepting them as they are.. and
learn to let their comments slide by like water rolls off a ducks back.
Defending is not surrender. Your parents are who they are, and if you look
at what is occurring as a gift, then perhaps the trick is to learn not to
let it get to you so much. Not to defend, but to release resistance to them
being themselves. Arrows cannot hurt a mist, they just fly on through. Just
love them.. that is your challenge.
>I would very much like to surrender everything that I am given to
>surrender, but I am not sure where the line is drawn.
No lines. Surrender everything, and if Goddess won't take it, it is
because you have not truly surrendered, or because She gave it to you, for
some purpose. Her gift.
>I have always
>had a really hard time distinguishing boundaries (grounding
>problem?). I feel their anger, hurt, fear, judgement, confusion and
>desire to control...and am realizing that this has been a huge
>suffocating weight on me my whole life (until I learned to surrender
>from Angelique) that I only continued to hold onto out of compassion
>for their unhappiness...like if I kept it I could somehow ease their
>suffering cause I know how to shine lights in dirty closets. I am
>trying to release it now, after finally realizing that self-care is
>as important as loving others, and I can better care for them if I am
>strong and whole and not constantly disempowered by dodging their
>psychic attacks.
A wise witch I know once said, "If the Goddess you serve cannot protect
you from psychic attack, then you are serving the wrong Goddess." I think
that you are not serving the wrong Goddess, therefore She is allowing this
stuff through because it has some purpose in your spiritual evolution.
What happens if you stop trying to fix them, and stop reacting to their
stuff? How do you need to grow within yourself, to not be so reactive? I
suspect the re-actions come from the past history you mentioned.. find it,
clear it.. be grateful for it, look for the perfection in what was, and
what Is.
>Boundaries have never been clear to me, until I discovered self
>protection and self care (like if the noise is too much at once, then
>draw some chalk lines so you don't start identifying with the
>noise). So am finally learning to draw some boundaries so I can
>create little safe magic spaces in my being to retreat to if I need
>to rest and clean house.
Boundaries become more fuzzy and hard to defend if you are projecting
energy outwards. Examine your projections. Turn your energy inward.
You have some beliefs.. that your parents are in pain, that they reject
you unconsciously for your sexuality.. I am sure there are more. What
happens if you surrender all of your opinions and judgments about your
parents, and clean the slate? To stop the war, you stop shooting first.
Quit aiming these projections and beliefs at your parents.
>My common sense tells me that I can clear anything that I feel as it
>is within myself so within my free will, and if I feel their
>judgements and criticisms about me, then it is mine to clear?
Yes. You are the one affected.. why? Why do you care what they think of
you? You are not a child anymore, to be dependent on their love and approval.
> Will
>this affect them too?
Change the world by changing inside of yourself.
Blessings..
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