To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/08/15 12:18
Subject: [K-list] karma judo the return
From: Dafmobile
On 2001/08/15 12:18, Dafmobile posted thus to the K-list:
Hi folks,
I am wondering if recieving people's judgement, criticisms, and anger
works the same as blame and empathy in "karma yoga"...ie when someone
blames you for their unhappiness, this is a sort of transference of
power so that you have the ability to choose to surrender it to
Goddess. Is anger and judgement a similar transference?
Guess I am asking because I regularly have to defend myself against
my parents verbal attacks, judgments, criticisms, and the rigidity of
their minds...as well as their severe homophobia which even though
they consciously think I am straight they subconsciously KNOW that I
am different than them (being bisexual and a woman does not fit into
the framework of their minds). This gets tiring, esp since I have
been without effective psychic boundaries and grounding most of my
life, I have accordingly incurred wounds from a lifetime of dominance
that I have been rapidly and greatfully healing.
I would very much like to surrender everything that I am given to
surrender, but I am not sure where the line is drawn. I have always
had a really hard time distinguishing boundaries (grounding
problem?). I feel their anger, hurt, fear, judgement, confusion and
desire to control...and am realizing that this has been a huge
suffocating weight on me my whole life (until I learned to surrender
from Angelique) that I only continued to hold onto out of compassion
for their unhappiness...like if I kept it I could somehow ease their
suffering cause I know how to shine lights in dirty closets. I am
trying to release it now, after finally realizing that self-care is
as important as loving others, and I can better care for them if I am
strong and whole and not constantly disempowered by dodging their
psychic attacks.
Boundaries have never been clear to me, until I discovered self
protection and self care (like if the noise is too much at once, then
draw some chalk lines so you don't start identifying with the
noise). So am finally learning to draw some boundaries so I can
create little safe magic spaces in my being to retreat to if I need
to rest and clean house.
My common sense tells me that I can clear anything that I feel as it
is within myself so within my free will, and if I feel their
judgements and criticisms about me, then it is mine to clear? Will
this affect them too? I don't want to invade their free will or take
on responsibility for their suffering unless it is Goddess' will.
Is feeling someone elses judgement of oneself empathy too?
Confusedly,
laura k
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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