To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/08/12 12:45
Subject: [K-list] Kundalini Psychosis
From: percyval
On 2001/08/12 12:45, percyval posted thus to the K-list:
hello friends,
i became God-Realized in 1976 when i had my
Kundalini-Awakening... it included total awareness that i
was creating the entire world, along with all of God, which
i saw in everyone... although few folks would believe me
about who they really were when i told them...
i got magical powers to alter reality when i felt it needed
adjustment... and powers of telepathy and seeing into the
future... and i saw powerful forces for good and evil at
work... with Armegeddon beginning in 1982... although,
in hindsight, it only ended up being the major bottom of
the stock market for decades to come...*grin*
then a Voice told me that these doors would close on me for
many years in order for me to become balanced, and learn to
live in the world... they did not reopen for 12 years...
only years later did i understand that the awakening was
quite real... the powers were quite real... but i was not
steady enough to handle such a flow without becoming
unstable and prone to self-important delusions of a mission
that was my destiny... this is a common phenomenon after a
K-awakening... it is Kundalini psychosis...
i am grateful that my own k-psychosis happened before the
internet was born, or i would've made a complete fool of
myself for the whole world to see... fortunately, at that
time only a few dozen people noticed... *grin*
since some recent events on this list reminded me of this
experience... so i asked Mystress Angelique to post an essay
about Kundalini psychosisi from her "Fire Serpent Tantra"
course... www.fire-serpent.com ... she is busy today, and
asked me to go ahead and post it for her... so here you
go... (see below)
warmly,
percyval
-----------
What is "Kundalini Psychosis"?
In the eyes of Goddess, everyone is special unique and
perfect. Every snow flake, every tree, and every person is
completely worthy of unconditional love. It doesn't matter
to Goddess if you achieve any thing in your life, or if you
spend your whole life lying on your back and watching the
clouds go by. She doesn't judge. "Being" is enough, "doing"
is of less importance.
The potential for awakened Kundalini is within everyone.
However, not everyone's purpose in life is to become
awakened. Some people incarnate to play the game of duality
and separation all the way through without looking for an
exit, as we are doing. Goddess loves them unconditionally
and sees them as being every bit as special and unique as
She sees those of Her children who seek to be reunified with
Her again.
There are many different forms of Kundalini psychosis, but
the most common form is when awakened people start to
believe that they are uniquely chosen to fulfill some
special mission from God to save the world.
The world doesn't need saving. Everything is unfolding
exactly as it should.
The world is already perfect, we just don't believe that is.
The problems we see do not lie with the world, they lie
within our perceptions, our judgments of imperfection. Once
you really see this, you will realize that you don't really
need to do any thing.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.. Good
intentions start with an attachment to a judgment that
something needs to be fixed, sending you heading off down
the road of the white knight hero Boddhisattva. Heroes need
victims or they cannot be heroes, so they create victims via
projections to continue the duality-game... it is not the
same as seeing perfection in what Is.
Often very sweet, spiritual people get the idea that we need
to work to end war and poverty and "Save" everybody. Carl
Marx had some sweet ideas about this called communism. The
result was the horrendous oppressions of Stalin and plenty
of war and oppression.
Earth is a free will zone, a duality school. Christ said,
"there will always be poor" and Goddess has told me there
will always be war.. territory games and survival of the
fittest is just part of the training ground of this planet,
from amoebas to plants and all the way up the circle of
life. If you don't think plants war with each other for
space, sunlight and water, then you have never weeded a
garden. If we graduate, we get to go some place else. If it
ain't broke, don't fix it. Perfection Is.
However you may want and desire to do things. Some of these
wants may come from your own negative judgments, in which
case they are coming from erroneous perceptions, and the
perceptions must be cleared before you take action.
Another kind of psychosis occurs when people start going
down a strange reality tunnel based on a particular vision
or idea that they become attached to. Particularly when the
ego starts to get diminished and reality becomes a little
more flexible, with miracles popping and unusual,
unexplainable events occuring. When there is K-fire, the
power of beliefs to shape reality becomes stronger, in a
way, because you have faith backed by evidence to know they
can.
Once you have fallen into a belief, reality will provide the
evidence to make it appear true for you... synchronicities
appear, events will be interpreted as validation. The
beliefs get stronger, become attachments and you can grow a
whole new ego around a questionable belief and skip off to a
wonderland of astral dreamworld reality invention before you
even realize you are getting stuck. That is how people end
up selling all their worldy goods because armageddon is
coming. It happens easily enough, with the belief patterns
of a single consciousness. In a cult stuation where the
combined energies of group mind are brought to play.. eeeek!
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
If you are getting ideas of how you are the chosen one who
needs to save the world, or that aliens are coming to take
us all to another planet, or armageddon is scheduled for
next week, or your neighbors are casting spells on you, or
the military conspiracy is out to get you.. it is time to
get very deeply grounded and surrender *all* beliefs. Give
it all up to Goddess, detach as much as possible from the
new paradigm, before you get swept along on a magical
mystery tour that is just another ego growing out of
attachments to a particular belief making a particular
illusory reality game that you could might get stuck in, and
have a harder time getting out of.
Surrender all of your beliefs and validations about how your
consciousness is changing the world.. all of the mystique of
your own power and charisma.. every speck of it that you can
find.. and see what Goddess gives back... dissolve the idea
into the clear light that is nothing.
Joseph Campbell summed up the meaning of life in three words
"Follow your Bliss". Jesus said that if you are given a
talent, you should not hide it under a bucket. Most likely
your talents and your Bliss are the same thing! Someone else
said "do what you love, and the money will follow". This
essentially means that if you follow your talents and your
Bliss, Goddess will take care of you like the lilies of the
field.
Everyone has some purpose to their life. Before you came in
to your body, your Spirit had some ideas are about what it
wanted to do with this lifetime. However this purpose most
likely has very little to do with what "other people need".
In the eyes of spirit, there are no other people, we are all
unified as One. Judgments of what other people need created
the Spanish Inquisition. They can be very dangerous, because
they are based on illusions of separation.
When defining your purpose, it is useful to be very selfish
about following your Bliss. Now I don't mean selfish in a
negative context. I don't mean you should be greedy, or
trample people and steal from them: in the long term that
would not create more bliss for you. What I mean is that you
should get very clear about what activities give you the
most Bliss, and part of your Bliss might be about helping
other people.
I don't believe in selflessness, I think it is an illusion,
an ego idea that is "the road to hell paved with Good
intentions". Burnout and feeling used and taken advantage
of, is inevitable. Selflessness is an illusion of martyrdom
that may be fulfilling for certain Christians but more often
it leads to passive aggressive victim manipulation and guilt
tripping. Egad.
I think Mother Theresa does what she does, *because it makes
her feel good about herself*, and that is her payment... and
it is the same payment with any gift or act of charity. To
give is better to receive, because it feels good to give,
and that is what is gotten back as payment for the act of
giving.
Self Serving. Enlightened selfishness. Win/win. I have to
love myself before I have love to give, I have to take the
stone from my own eye before I can help anyone else.. I have
to look out for #1, because otherwise I cannot remain strong
enough to be generous. I have to pay myself, put food on my
table before I can feel abundant enough to be charitable.
Three cheers for enlightened selfishness. Anything else is
the long slow road to burnout... like the farmer who keeps
growing crops and does not return anything to the soil..
eventually the soil is exhausted, barren.
Selfishness is honest, it is willing to look at "what's in
it for me", and if what is gained is a good feeling or a
sense of fulfillment, so be it! The rule of threefold return
does not only apply to others, it applies to ourselves, as
well. When something is not working for me, I look within,
to see what I am doing that is manifesting the unwanted
result.
I change the world, by changing within myself. Finger
pointing and blame, and complaining about what someone else
does or did not do, is useless. I cannot change what other
people do, I can change what *I* do.. and that will change
how others respond to me. Nobody can control my feelings or
what I do, but me... or Goddess. If I am blaming someone
else for how I feel, then I am making them be God for me,
giving my power away to them. Being a victim instead of a
Goddess.
Mother Teresa did what she did, because it made her feel
good about herself. She felt good about herself when she was
taking care of other people, especially people like lepers
who are in a great deal of suffering.
People like Michael Jackson or Whitney Houston love to sing,
and would continue to sing and make music for themselves
even if they did not make any money at it. It is their Bliss
to sing, what they love to do best in the whole world and
that passion comes through in the music and that is why
people buy it. That is the essence of the meaning of follow
your Bliss and do what you love. If you are happy and
fulfilled, then most likely other people will be happy
around you. Happiness is contagious.
Many years ago I took a personal development course that
spent many days analysing all of the major events of my
life, positive events and negative events to see what I
gained from them, what emotional needs I as fulfilling. That
is one way to discover the basic needs of personality.
The Buddha says to be free from need, so I want to clarify
this idea by noting that there are 2 kinds of needs. There
are surface, egoic needs, which can be invoked by TV
commercials and are often transient, and there are Basic
needs. Basic needs do not change, even after awakening. They
are an aspect of your uniqueness. In the nature/nurture
debate, it could be said that ego needs are nurture,
cultural and based on personality, and Basic Needs are part
of the nature of the individual. Goddess braided your DNA to
bring forth the unique combination of qualities that are
your Basic needs.
Basic needs are formless. One of the teachers in a course
said that "life is not about happiness, if all you want is
happiness then take happy pills. Life is about fulfilment.
To be fulfilled, you have to know what your basic needs are,
and find a positive way to get your needs met". Another way
to say "Follow your Bliss".
For example, among my needs, is a need to be provocative. A
need to get reactions from people to validate my existence.
This is my bliss, it is fulfilling to me. In the course of
my life I got this need met in many different ways. When I
was a comedienne, the audience laughter met my need, and
when I was a hair stylist I got to change people's
self-image, which is another way to be provocative.
Now I'm spiritual teacher, and I sit here writing this essay
knowing that reading my words will affect you, will change
how you think about yourself and how you think about the
world you live in. "To be provocative" is a formless need.
The way I meet the need, takes many different forms.
So in a way, you could say that my motives are selfish. I'm
creating this course to fulfil my own needs to be
provocative.
To be provocative is not my only need, and not the only need
that I fulfil by this Creation. It meets many of my basic
needs, and the more of your basic needs you are meeting at
once, the more fulfilling any activity will be! I also have
a need to be creative, that is being fulfilled by creating
this essay. I have about a dozen formless basic needs the
form the core of my individuality, and at least half of them
are being fulfilled by this Creation. I am doing what I
love.
I am in many ways a completely different person that I was
back when I was a hair stylist, but this basic need to have
an effect and get a reaction remains. I could be the
Oklahoma bomber, and I would be getting reactions, but in a
negative way that that would not be good for Karma or nearly
so fulfilling to me as helping people to awaken to awareness
of their own infinite Spirit. I have some basic needs, that
would not be getting met if I became a mad bomber. I also
have a need for play! If something does not feel playful
then I don't want to do it, I am not motivated.
I do work I do, not because Goddess needs me to save the
world from sexual repression. That kind of motivation would
be psychosis. I do the work I do because it makes me happy
to see other people becoming happier because they have
become more accepting of their own sexuality. When I put out
comes back to me multiplied, that is Cosmic Law. The more
happiness I spread the more happiness I get back! So, in a
way, my motives for doing the work I do are entirely
selfish. My work is an investment in my own Karma.
I trust selfish motives a lot more in some ways then I trust
selfless motives. People tend to burn out on selflessness.
If they are not getting their are own needs met, then they
cannot sustain motivation. Selflessness and martyrdom are
about "what other people need", which is a negative judgment
of others. If you see people as vessels of their own
Infinite spirit, then there is unity, not judgments of
"other".
As the veil of separation that is ego, gets dissolved by the
process of awakening, the ego gradually merges with the
unconscious, and eventually the Collective consciousness
that is the Unity of Spirit. A side effect of this process,
is that you become much more aware of your unconscious
motives. This can be embarrassing, but humility is a
spiritual quality. Discovering why you do what you do, is a
process of peeling the onion. Stripping off the egoic needs
and getting to the basic needs that come from your Spirit.
Goddess doesn't need you to save the world. That kind of
thing is an egoic need, to feel like a Hero. A Hero needs
victims to save, so Heroes unconsciously end up creating
victims to fulfill their needs. Like, the Witch Burnings.
When Hitler was in power, he was a Hero to the Aryans. He is
still a hero, to some people. Martyrdom is similarly
poisonous, it takes on the Victim role to project guilt.
What do you need? To discover your basic needs, take a look
at all of the major events in your life, positive events and
negative events and figure out what you are getting out of
them. I used to be an actress, and that met a need within me
for drama in a positive way. At other times of my life, that
need got met in negative ways. I would unconsciously create
crisis situations, to fulfil my need for drama. Basic needs
that are repressed, come up ugly-stained with the judgments
of repression. So it is very important to get to know your
basic needs, and we will be exploring that a lot more in the
next section of the course.
I wanted to touch on this topic because it is related to the
topic of psychosis. If your needs are met, and you are
fulfilled, then you will find balance, and psychosis is
imbalance.
However I want to remind you that I am a Spiritual Teacher,
not a Psychiatrist. There are certainly many people in the
world who understand Kundalini psychosis better than I do,
so I would encourage you to explore the links at the bottom
of this page to gain a full are understanding of what
Kundalini psychosis is. The majority of people who become
awakened do not become psychotic, Goddess wont give you more
than you can handle. She may stretch your resources, so you
can grow, but psychosis tends to be caused by resistance to
the process. Resistance can take the form of trying to
"push" yourself into growing, instead of letting the process
flow as Goddess Wills. If you focus on surrender, trust and
love you will have a safe and happy Kundalini awakening.
[this is copyrighted material from Mystress Angelique
Serpent's "Fire Serpent Tantra" course:
www.fire-serpent.com ...]
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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