To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/08/03 08:07
Subject: [K-list] Re: oh my oh poor Catlin
From: Nancy
On 2001/08/03 08:07, Nancy posted thus to the K-list:
From Cat...
> Part of my explaining and parenting
> involves telling Catlin "what could
> happen", for instance, what could happen
> if he leaves something laying in the
> driveway behind my van, "It could
> get run over and broken", "the flashlight
> could get lost if you dont put it away"
> "someone could steal your identity if
> you fill out forms on the net"... things like that...
<snip>
> But, God/dess, give the kid a break!!
> And maybe I need to use a different approach?
> Anyone have any ideas?
Hello Cat!
How about finding out the benefits instead of consequences? If you put away
your bike, it will be safe in the garage. If you put away the flashlight,
you will know where to find it next time.
Then there's always just the big "NO" without explanation. I find this
helpful in parenting. Can I go to the movies with a boy? No. I remember what
used to go on in the movies.
I don't necessarily give my daughter the option when it comes to things
she's not mature enough to make decisions about. If she's out in a dark
theater with a 13-year-old boy who is filled with hormones, she could be
groped! Now, if someone tries that, does she have enough inner confidence to
tell him no? I don't know, so I'm not going to let her get into that
situation right now. And she has a wonderful out; her mom says no.
I don't have too much about how she takes care of her belongings. The last
thing that made me crazy was her attitude toward clothing. I'd buy her a
shirt, and then I'd see it in the garage waiting to be given to charity.
Hey! I just paid for that! So I decided the only way I could be OK with it
was to give her an allowance so she can manage her own money. If she wants
to buy clothes each month and throw them away, I really don't care now. It's
not my money, it's hers. Plus, she gets the added bonus of learning how to
make her own decisions.
I did the same thing years ago with laundry. I used to become so agitated
because she would throw clean clothes in the laundry. I was so sick and
tired of all the wash that I told her she would have to do her own laundry.
She still has loads and loads of laundry each week, but I don't care because
it's not my deal!
I don't know how old your son is, but assuming he's over 9, he can learn
from the consequences of his actions without you warning him. He knows! And
when something happens, like his flashlight gets lost, you can just smile
and offer your condolences.
For the bigger issues, don't give him the option!
Everyone's different. This is just what has worked for me!
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