To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/07/30 23:20
Subject: Re: [K-list] shamanic initiation
From: Serenasbliss
On 2001/07/30 23:20, Serenasbliss posted thus to the K-list:
Mystress wrote-
>If you identify with the term artist better, then use that term.
>Reading your post, I do not get the sense that you are a Shaman.. I could
>be mistaken. I think Aphrodite would prefer the term "Priestess."
Um, I think she prefers to call me a whore, lately. ;-)
My post was about re-examining some of the experiences I flashed to
when reading your descriptions about shamanism.
I was re-examining some things under the light your definition cast.
I didn't consider
that you would read what I wrote as evidence to be considered
for a shaman/not-shaman identification.
I was blind-sided by your response. That is okay.
The only identifying that matters is my own, and the
only judging that matters is Hers. I think I'll stay with this; I don't
have room in this process of becoming
for much else at the present time. At the moment the passage
is a bit narrow. It will broaden out later I imagine and there will be room
to contemplate and consider other people's opinions about my becoming.
What amazes me
is how the information pours in when I need it. Synchronicity.
Mystress, thank you.
Would I like an attagirl/welcome to the club-kinda message from you
and shamanic others? Sure.
But I will manage without it.
I don't need to demonize my need to belong
and to be part of a tribe; rejecting my needs to find others like myself makes
as little sense as allowing these needs to rule my life and lead me
to compromise my Self.
I do want to find community, and attention to labels can help with that.
(They can help you to find the right community.)
I feel this want for community, and it has a place in
my life and a positive purpose. I do benefit from living in community,
even if the project is always a garden with nettles and thorns.
My need to belong doesn't stop me from being
Me anymore.
Thanks for writing your post, Mystress; the experience
of dealing with it is a confirmation to me that
I am not so overwhelmed/devastated by certain kind of challenge
(one coming from people I respect and admire- like you)
as I once was. Today feels like a graduation.
> This puzzles me.. you did not identify with the term
> Shaman before, and now you are trying to adapt your experiences to fit
into
>the paradigm I described as Shamanism. Why?
I wasn't aware of much content or utility in the term "shaman" before you
explained
it and defined it- and it was ~your~ explanation/definition
that was useful to me. I've read some psychological literature that
refrenced the shamanic journey as part of what is involved in certain kinds
of acute
mental health crises, but the references were pretty vague and not very
unhelpful.
>It reminds me of a hypochondriac that believes they have any illness
>they read about. I suspect this is a pattern that shows up elsewhere in
>your life. Trying to fit your uniqueness into a label. A pigeonhole.. Why?
>You are not a pigeon.. :)
Changed "shows" to "showed" and you've got me. More on that at the end of this
letter.
I was surprised that you evaluated my post and give
me a "thumbs-down" on the shaman thing, but then you were probably
led to do so for some good reason.
It was a powerful experience, having my fledgling self-understanding
challenged by you, then experiencing that I can handle it and that I am
largely free of the Self-mutilating patterns you recalled to mind.
It all comes out in the wash, and it is all okay.
I hope we can agree to disagree about whether or not I am a Shaman
of whatever sort.
I ~really~ like the shaman concept because it is so useful for seeing
some of the darker threads and movements in my life... like a pair of
glasses which allow a certain repeating motif and area of darkness in a
painting
to be seen a bit more clearly. The part the
shaman concept helps most with is the part
of my life that has to do with Hades, which I didn't write
about at all (and have never really written about. Interesting omission. I
probably wasn't ready.).
What really leapt out at me was what you said about the spirit trying
immediately and seriously to kill you as
part of the process. I've never had a way to reconcile
Her presence in my life with the adversity,
life-threatening illness and so on.
I am still me and not endangered by
exploring some of the pigeonholes that other people find to
be comfortable. Part of "little-me" will probably fit there,
and since it is all unity at some level, I will if nothing else
get to know parts of mySelf a little better by so doing.
Labels never work well for long anyway.
>Contemporary new age
>folks want to make it into something different than what it is... as you
>are trying to do, in this post.
This is the only part of your post that really stung me
in a bad way , where I want to say
"Ouch! Unfair! Safeword!" I'll meditate about it. I know the
truth is supposed to hurt, as the saying goes, but truth-pain
I have generally eroticized.
She let me know when I read your description
of Shamanism that there was something ~very~
important there for me. I will sort
out what it is with Her help.
I'd like to do some of this sorting on this list.
If that won't work for you, for whatever reasons- such as you can't help but
think
I am seriously on the wrong track, and am possibly diluting the
concept of shamanism by using this concept to explore
myself- I will sadly accept it.
Your posts are so valuable to
me, I can't even say.
>Well, this is the pattern that sparks your arthritis, and why it is
>located at the sacrum, the tribal chakra. You have all these issues of
>fitting in or not fitting in with the tribe, feeling like a freak, and
>trying to find some label that will be a key to some kind of acceptance. It
>never works, does it? You have to serve Goddess and have none before Her,
>and She wants you to celebrate your uniqueness that is her gift to you..
>and you keep resisting, that, serving what you think other people want you
>to be, instead. Making their approval more important than hers. Why?
Mystress, that sacral thing is gone, you ate it. I am free of pain-
the physical pain and the issues that created it.
I worked for ~years~ to challenge Self-limiting conformism, becoming
strong enough to be Me in the process. You yanked and munched
and that was the last piece of the healing.
As best I can tell the healing "took" and this icky pattern is a
thing of the past. Pass the champagne. :-)
Serena
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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