To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/07/30 03:44
Subject: Re: [K-list] shamanic initation
From: Serenasbliss
On 2001/07/30 03:44, Serenasbliss posted thus to the K-list:
I would appreciate a list for shamans; I identify
strongly with what Mystress shared.
I never used the term "shaman" in sorting out what
was happening to me, I used the term "artist". Not all artists are shamans
of course, because there are many purposes in artmaking. But artmaking
is one contemporary path for shamans to take.
The only thing that I ever felt would justify the kind of suffering
I was experiencing in my life, was the
opportunity to make art of a very particular
kind, images that get absorbed and function within the psyche
like bombs on a timer (or fertilizer pellets if you prefer a less
violent metaphor) and have to do with rearranging the psyche and
engaging the psyche with the
"truth" on many levels (not just the intellectual).
And I did nearly die... I never "blamed" my spirit, Aphrodite,
but rather blamed my resistance to what she was trying to make of
me. I fight Her, I get depression, serious imune system dysfunction,
and suicidality... I shouldn't be fighting Her. What she has
asked of me has been very difficult.
I was gifted with extraordinarily articulate communications with
Her, and I've dialogued daily with Her for just about ten years now.
But then, this is what I demanded of Her; I said, I will do this surrender
thing, if I must. But I need to be able to see clearly, in black and
white in fact, just what it is you want me to do. I found that if
I wrote down what came in meditation, I could hear Her clearly and
then I did have my black and white record of what was said.
And lately I am being asked by Her to give up needing to "see", and let
her work through me while my eyes are shut. Sigh.
I've had nightmares about going blind.
Do I believe She'd take my eyes, if I fought her on this issue
of not-seeing? Yep. I do.
More below.
In a message dated 07/30/2001 11:20:45 AM W. Europe Daylight Time,
MystressATnospamkundalini-gateway.org writes:
> Shamanic initiation is probably the least understood of all the spiritual
> processes. While "Shaman" is a term that is thrown around a lot in "new
> age" circles, my definition of a Shaman is pretty simple: if the spirit
who
> claims you does not do its best to kill you right after the initial
> contact.. then you are not a Shaman. That is not to say that all life
> threatening illnesses are shamanic sickness, of course.
>
I mentioned what I got above. All that illness is still there for me,
waiting for me, if I bail on this process of becoming what She wants
me to be.
> The basic pattern is that there is a "First contact" with the spirit,
> usually taking the form of a psychic experience and an interrogation of
> some sort. The interview.. this is followed by a severe life threatening
> illness, and it is estimated that 1/3 of the initiates do not survive the
> initiation sickness.
Interrogation? I think Aphrodite as she often does in my life
broke the hardest news to me through someone
incarnate. She is kind of a B*tch
about getting people to do Her nasty work for her, and then I can't
hold anything against Her.
Of course, one of Aphrodite's traits is that nobody can stay mad at Her;
it's Her charm. She gifted Helen with it, so after Troy fell and Menelaus
came for Helen with full intent to murder, all Helen did was bare one
breast and there was no one who could, or would, lay a hand on her.
I recall an interrogation conducted by my grandfather when I was perhaps
thirteen. He and my grandmother were visiting our family, and he
stayed up late one night waiting for me to come home (I had been
out with friends). When I came in around midnight,
he sat me down and grilled
me for hours about what I was going to do with my life, what I
wanted to be. I had no good answers for him- I had
not a clue what I was going to do with me; no job I had ever
seen anyone working looked like a possibility for me. My mother
was even an artist, but her purpose in artmaking wasn't one I could
identify with at all, and I certainly didn't identify with her images.
I told him that I wanted to be a professional of some kind, in management.
That was what my parents wanted for me at the time, and I thought it
would be the answer that would satisfy him; the kind of stuff
adults like to hear. It didn't work. I had no answers.
My grandmother mentions this interrogation from time to time,
most recently just after my grandfather's funeral. She had been afraid for me,
she told me, because she knew what he was going to do. He had
been planning it, and he mentioned it to her.
I got sick with the earliest arthritis symptoms not long after, exhaustion
and episodes of acute pain in the sacral area
(this became the block Mystress helped me with).
My first extraordinary contact with Her was feeling
as if my head would explode if I didn't
break silence at a Quaker meeting
of all places and carry a certain message
for Her. I barely remember what I said, but my head was so hot.
And people came up to me later and thanked me. I felt like such a freak,
I couldn't bear to go back to the meetings.
>The key to survival is to consent to their plans for
> you. Surrender to becoming a Shaman and agree to be trained. For me,
> fortunately the sickness was only a few weeks, perhaps because I consented
> up front at first contact. Similarly, one of my slaves got through the
> sickness in about a week.. perhaps because she had me guiding her and
> negotiating with the Spirit on her behalf.
> I have heard of Shamanic sickness lasting months or years! The
sickness
> itself seems to be a sort of cleansing.. preparing the vessel. It often
> includes visions, fever, delerium and comatose states.. Tho not always.
> There are no hard and fast rules, just some generalizations.
I probably did my visions through my painting.
>
> If you do survive, then the spirit(s) go on to train you directly.
> Unlike yoga or other forms of magical training, there is no human
hierarchy
> to Shamans. It is part of the definition that to be a Shaman is to be
> trained by the spirits directly.. although it is not unusual for the
> initiate to be drawn to a more experienced, 'Graduate' Shaman to have a
> hand to hold during the difficult bits. This has been handled.. I am a
> Shaman and there are several others on this list. Perhaps we ought to
> create a new list for Shamans and Shaman initiates.. :)
Thank you for this. I tried to get help from the human heirarchies;
I had three therapists in a row terminate my therapy after less
than a couple of months, for differing reasons. One because one
of her other clients hated me and was refusing to continue in therapy
if I was also being treated by that therapist, and two others got new
jobs with different organizations and couldn't continue with me.
Aphrodite told me I didn't get to have a teacher. I really hated this; I
did so much stuff alone, except for Her.
I don't really want a teacher any more in the sense of wanting a
place in a heirarchy... heirarchy is more something I accept and
tolerate to get access to whatever it is that
I need to learn. For me it is all about relationship
anyway.
I'd like a list where we are sharing experience, giving one
another words for the bits we have figured out. I volunteer to help.
Serena
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