To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/07/27 10:09
Subject: [K-list] karma judo practice
From: Serenasbliss
On 2001/07/27 10:09, Serenasbliss posted thus to the K-list:
Mystress, thank you for your response to my question.
I will respond below. I don't know how interesting, instructive or relevant
this will be- it is my practical personal effort to
do this new thing, karma judo.
Jose, your letters mean a lot to me... I value the
validation and the companionship around this k-stuff, and we have a lot
in common. If I get brave, I'll post a bit about my personal history.
In a message dated 07/26/2001 8:50:11 PM W. Europe Daylight Time,
MystressATnospamKundalini-Gateway.org writes:
> Hi Serena:
> Hard for me to analyse what is going on with that, without
knowing
> more.. so I'll explain the basics.
Thank you.
> First of all, Karma Judo..like Judo itself, is primarily a self
> defense technique. It works simply because someone who is handing you
blame
> or aggression is unconsciously giving you their power/consent to handle
the
> issues. Without consent, you have no power.
I think I correctly identified this situation as a Karma Judo situation...
I was being held responsible for unhappiness. I was sensing guilt-trips...
unvoiced accusations of abandonment.
The couple was painfully stuck and wanting to change,
but they couldn't find a way to allow themselves the freedom and joy
they craved. (A lot like me in my own past!)
I was clear that I was right to
take distance from this couple because they could not offer me
enough to make for a balanced friendship... The flow was unidirectional,
from me to them. They were really needy, and very stuck,
and for a while they used proximity to me to experiment with change
and newness, but then they "decided" they mostly preferred to stay
as they were, and they re-stuck themselves. Fair enough. But I got
stuck with them.
> If you are doing it because you feel victimized or you think they
> need to change, then it does not work.. you are the one who needs to
> change, in that circumstance. Change the world by changing inside of
> yourself.
When I have a problem with people, it is de facto my problem (because
the people are showing me something I don't know how to handle).
I did all the work around this couple that I could figure to do and was
prompted to do by Her, and still I was troubled and things felt unresolved...
couldn't get closure, nor could I get a sense of peace with the
nonclosure. There was something still to be done.
> If you surrender stuff to Goddess several times and She keeps
giving
> it back, then usually it means that Goddess gave the stuff to you in the
> first place, as a gift that you need to apply gratitude to, in order to
> find the hidden value in it.
Usually it means there is something I have to learn to do. That was the
case here; I needed to learn karma judo. :-)
>
> Sometimes it means that you are being moved to some action.. active
> surrender, surrendering to following Divine will for you. Usually, with
> each surrender, what action is required becomes clearer.
Yes.
>
> In previous posts, you mentioned a fear of witch hunts.. do you feel
> the victim of a witch hunt? If that is what this is about, then what is
> happening is a gift from Goddess so that you can work through those
issues,
> and get past them.
I think that moving past witch hunt fear is at this point for me largely a
question
of beginning to ~behave~ as a high priestess,
as someone who can and does
shift from duality to nonduality and back again, and uses Her
abilities and gifts, to meet the various
needs of the various situations She brings about.
Because
of old witch hunt fear, I was unconsciously assuming that if I began
to act as the high priestess, to use my potential, that the witch
hunters would retaliate and I would experience more violence,
hate, repression.
As a result of posting here, reading what others have shared, etc.
I became conscious of this fear and could challenge the assumptions
within it.
I could then understand that by acting as a high priestess, I put myself
in a better position re witch hunts, not a weaker one.
It isn't as if I am making myself more of a target; I am actually making
myself
less of one because I am using my power as She wills with greater skill and
agility (rather than blocking Her within myself).
>
> I will provide you with an example from my own life.
I really appreciate your examples from your life... your story
about how you removed the depression from Druid was wonderful for
me- especially the part where he thought you were schizophrenic and
you had to figure out how to go forward with that one. My own
partner who is now my owner :-)
has been the person who, um, externalizes my skepticism for me;
I gave a lot of energy to the problem of supporting my truth
in the face of his (fervent) rationalist
criticisms until I got it that if ~I~ was willing
to believe in and honor my intuitive truths, then his
skepticism about the things I "knew", "felt"
and "sensed" just wouldn't hurt me any more.
Funny how when I owned my own residual skepticism, and started
dealing with it internally,
we suddenly had no reason to fight any more even when I said
intuitive things that used to squick him horribly. It seems that
overnight he gained the understanding that even a extremely
"rational" person could honor and give a place to intuitive, "poetic"
truths. It wasn't either/or, rational or intuitive- or rather, it didn't
have to be. :-)
> I also asked for, and received support from the K-list community that
> showed me so much love, appreciation and acceptance it literally blew my
> mind and opened some new chakras that I didn't know I had. (Bless you
all!!
> :) :) )
I admire you for keeping yourself open, putting yourself and your struggles
out there, asking to get that support. You let people help you and that is
a gift for them too.
I easily default to the wounded animal response to my problems-
"I'm hurt so it is time to hide."
> By the time the hearing came around, it was literally over before it
> started. The INS lawyer approached my lawyer outside the courtroom and
> asked if I would drop it, because they had no case. We said no! I wanted
my
> day in court.. and the whole thing was over in 10 minutes, I received no
> chance to spew my grievances, but I got an apology from the prosecutor on
> behalf of the border guards.. that is the real-time events.
>
> What it was really about, on a karmic level was clearing my lifetimes
> issues with experiences of rejection. Since I have always carried the
> Shakti-field, even as a small child, I have always had people reacting to
> me with fear, hostility and rejection, for no apparent reason. I had a lot
> of stuff around that! A whole lot of issues.
Your explanation of the Shakti field impacting
and drawing out others is the biggest help
I've found for understanding the peculiar experiences I had as a child
with how other people treated me. I've never lacked for validation
about how unusual I was as a child, nor for external corroboration
on how bizarrely I was treated- but I have never known the "why" of it
and I've suffered a lot over that.
The answer to "why" was something I always
sort of felt- I was different and special and because of that,
I attracted different
experiences than most other children did, and some of
those experiences were inutterably horrific.
(Some were wonderful.) I drew out what was inside people, and
some people have ugly insides. I've been ugly inside too.
Your explanation of how people respond to a heightened shakti field
helps me to understand the "why". It does not reduce the horror, but
the explanation provides an enormous comfort to me.
> Since I had also discovered that sometimes people whom I got angry at
> ended up having some kind of "accident", I had learned to control/repress
> my anger. The whole event with the border guards was so that I could work
> out my stuff with something big enough~ part of the most powerful country
> in the world~ that I was not afraid that my anger would harm them.
When I was around 21, 22 I began having more and bigger k-experiences
than usual, and I noticed this "accident" thing happening.
I think this was when I started blocking my high priestess energy
in earnest. Around this time I found a way to have conscious communion
with Her and our explicit articulate relationing began-
and she said she'd pulled most of the power
until I was ready to handle it, because I
was doing hurtful things with my energy (mostly hurtful to myself,
but that counts just as much as hurts done to others, because we
are all one).
And a ten year struggle with debilitating arthritis
and depression began, great pain and little energy.
Just enough energy to be able to do the things She wanted
me to do, and no more. That is probably all the energy
I get now, but I am ready to do more so I feel more
"energetic"; She can give me more because I am ready for it.
I was so made
as to have the potential to manifest much of Her,
but in the past I wasn't ready, and
the shutdown mechanisms sure hurt. I was like millipede bound
up so I could only use maybe six of my legs. I couldn't walk very well
and painful wipeouts were my norm.
But this was preferable to me than using my thousand legs to run about
and do harm.
> In the space of that 18 months, I experienced more spiritual growth
> than probably at any other time in my life. My K-fired ego death occurred
> shortly after the initial incident, and I had learned how to do a
> deliberate ego death to send an ego splinter that remained into the light,
> 2 weeks before the hearing.
I think you really did do the witch hunt thing, in a biiiiiiiig way!
And you got the big learning from it too, it seems.
I think this is a k-commonality- what we really have to do, we do big.
> All of life is a gift of Goddess.. surrender and be grateful for it,
> so it can show its silver linings.
> Blessings..
>
> PS: I am off to the beach again today! I know I have some email to
catch
> up on.. later!
Hope you enjoyed it!
So, back to the karma judo situation that prompted my post asking for
help with the technique.
After I posted asking for help, I realized I had neglected to ask Her
for clarification , and so I sat down and did a written meditation
about it. It is such a luxury to have anywhere to go to discuss this
stuff- but I can't let the luxury distract me from the "basics" of my
life, which is that I take everything to Her and She tells me what
to do about it.
So, I got chewed out for asking for help by posting
without having come to Her ~first~, most
directly, and then She explained that
the reason the karma judo technique wasn't working very
well was (surprise) me.
I was only doing little bits of the karma at a time, because I wanted
to ~understand~ all the karma crap this couple was shooting at me...
my desire to understand the karmic gunk and explore all the
tangles meant I could
only use the technique in slow motion.
Imagine having the
counterclockwise whirlwind going to swirl the incoming stuff
up and away into the light... but the person at the center of the
whirlwind says, hey, excuse me, but this karma
crap is flying by too fast for me to ~see~ it properly.
Is that a cow flying by, or a car? Can we slow this thing down
so I can get a better look?
So doing the technique slow enough for me to "see" meant that
the incoming crap was only getting judo'ed in dribs and drabs...
I'd do some and feel much better, it was working, but then a few
hours later, I would feel heavy because there was still sooo
much more to do.
So She said that if I was willing to relinquish the satisfaction and
gratification of understanding ~all~ that karmic crap, she would happily
provide me sort of a Cliff Notes on the interesting karmic stuff
(kind of like reading karmic tabloid press, I think!) and the rest
could just get judo'ed without me "seeing" what I was
judo-ing. Otherwise, with the quantities of incoming karmic crap
from just this one couple, I could look forward to feeling heavy and
unresolved and stuck around these particular relationships for, like, the next
fifteen years.
I thunked it over and decided that the karmic Cliff Notes
offer was a pretty good deal, especially
since most karmic crap is pretty banal and uninteresting, the same thing
over and over and over and over... So I said "deal",
and I did the technique and got my nice little insights into this
couple as She promised, but also had the feeling of doing the
technique with my "eyes" shut, and that was okay. So that was
yesterday afternoon and so far, no recurrent heaviness.
I am sure my partner will be really glad that we don't
have to have any more conversations about Nick and Betty and
how I feel about them and how I can't quite get to a place where I feel
"right" about them and I am glad I don't have to do this any more
either.
I became aware I've got another relationship where someone is giving
me their stuff, and I need to take care of it, so shortly I will get more
practice.
:-)
Serena
>
> At 04:06 AM 7/26/01, you wrote:
> >Hi list, Mystress-
> >
> >I am trying to use the karma judo technique to deal with a troubling
> >set of relationships.
> >
> >Here is my question- am I doing something wrong that I have to keep
> >repeating the technique? Or does the returning heaviness simply
> >mean there's a lot of karma that I'm having to do, a bit at a time?
> >
> >Thanks-
> >
> >Serena
>
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