To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/07/26 18:19
Subject: [K-list] (unknown)
From: Fiona Tulk
On 2001/07/26 18:19, Fiona Tulk posted thus to the K-list:
Like the smallest ripple in the ocean
even a thought echoes through eternity
Fate or Free Will
Fate dragged me out of the ethers to re-incarnate to fulfil the needs
of others. With no free will, a hapless victim was born into
servitude, to be used in whatever ways to serve the purpose of
others. An answer to my Nanna's prayers.
Whose purpose do I fulfil?
My destiny is now in my own hands. As I look back at my life, up
until now I have had no free will to a purpose or destiny I could
call my own. My fate was to fulfil the expectations others have had
for me.
All of the body beliefs that I have realised and made conscious. My
body was not a safe place to be .. unable to conceive of a child ..
let alone myself. Servitude to the Church (in answer to my mother's
prayers) through years of devotion to its teaching which .. I didn't
want to even do. Failed relationships .. inexplicable sicknesses that
vanished as mysteriously as they came .. feelings of being
overwhelmed .. time and time again aborting true realisation of my
Cell-f.
None of these were MY body beliefs but the beliefs of others - dead
and alive. Their prayers, hopes and expectations projected on to me
that I would fulfil their needs.
Time and time again I fell short of their expectations .. not being
the dutiful daughter, the Madonna, the selfless saint ..
How could any of these expectations ever be fulfilled when they were
not mine.
A Search for Meaning - My search for the underlying purpose of my
being.
What if there is none. What if there is no identifiable purpose for
my being other than what was defined by the needs of my mother when
she became pregnant with me - to fulfil her own mother's needs to
replace her own dead babies.
I have heard the echoes of prayers around my conception. Even now I
can feel and hear the prayers coming from my mother hoping I'll 'get
better' and 'come to my senses' .. according to her idea of who I
should be for her.
Sending light and love is responsible for misery and empty lives. The
thought forms do go out and are felt.
But they are no more or less than the aborted, fetid, incestuous
empty desires of people not willing to look at their own denials ..
people who prefer to consciously and unconsciously to spray their
lost hopes and purposelessness on others weaker and more vulnerable
than themselves.
Like etheric vampires feeding off the hopelessness and search for
meaning of others whilst not recognising the mirror in themselves.
And even if it is brought to their attention persist in their 'my god
is greater than yours' facade to hide behind and 'that couldn't
possibly apply to me' syndrome.
Victims don't become they are born that way. Born to satisfy the
emptiness in others who then project their emptiness on the small
vulnerable body of a child. And if there is no hope then the body of
the child becomes a vessel to physically be abused in whatever way
possible.
The 'if I can't have it .. you can't have it' syndrome.
Where do I fit in?
I have had no purpose until now. My whole existence was to fulfil the
dreams of others. But in the process, my life became a nightmare.
Living out all of the unresolved behaviours and grief that happened
to people in my genetic line - consciously and unconsciously.
My body is so tired of the fight. The battle to establish identity
free of the shackles of the past and its claustrophobic expectations
which cause disease, ageing .. and kill in the end .. and are passed
down the genetic line.
Over and over again all the projections at conception are replayed
every time the record is attempted to be changed. Frozen in time.
Conception
My conception of who I am was nothing more than the prayers of my
mother and grandmother around my physical conception. I have a clear
memory of those now .. I felt them in my body .. and now I have the
words to put around those feelings. My father was a tool tolerated
only for that purpose.
I have no soul it is simply a conglomerate energy force of all the
projections, hopes and dreams of mother and grandmother and my only
reason for being.
I now know that, if I had not done this work, that when this body
dies the thought form will move into space and time and wait for the
next person in the genetic line with the same resonant frequency to
summons it back in using prayers, love and light.
Pity help the child. Even more so because it will be part of me -
again.
So do I have a choice?
What is my purpose - who really is this lifeforce in this body this
lifetime. What of a personal destiny .. any future?
With everything that I have brought to my consciousness, I have
realised and discovered how much I was simply clearing generations of
purposeless souls - including mine. Without this clearing, I would
just replay the past again - generation after generation, incarnation
after incarnation. At least it's familiar!
If choice is based on Will then the only means to move through this
is to use Act of Will. Even if I am not sure if it is my Act of Will
. but I do know it can be invoked.
I do know thought forms travel outwards and the vibrations move from
one object to another.
I do know that even in spite of the past that in this moment I can
invoke my Act of Will and there will be a disturbance in the space
time continuum and there will be change.
It is up to me to be very specific as to what I choose to create ..
otherwise I also know that the universe has its own way of presenting
mirrors and opportunities.
My Choice
MY choice is to define and create MY own purpose. Based on what I
have learned from my past experiences, seeing and understanding the
patterns .. and knowing that there is another way .. MY way
It's like opening the oyster shell and finding the pearl is there and
has been sandblasted to perfection over many, many lifetimes.
My choice .. now.
-- Fiona Tulk,
lifestreamsATnospambigpond.com
http://www.anunda.com/fiona.htm
The material presented in this post is also archived for reference
on the open archive http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lifestreams
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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