To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/07/23 02:40
Subject: [K-list] Priestesses
From: Serenasbliss
On 2001/07/23 02:40, Serenasbliss posted thus to the K-list:
Hi list, Jose, Mystress, Cleocatra-
Jose, thank you for the lovely letter about your struggles with
blocking your powerful self; I did identify. Mystress, thank
you for your post which dealt with many things including
matriarchy. Cleocatra, thank you for addressing the issue
of witch hunts.
I am thinking after reviewing the thread/issues that what is happening
at present for me seems to be an unlearning or
releasing of the fear of the high priestess,
and this necessity underlies my concerns about witch hunts. This is prehaps
not the best way to describe whatever I'm staring at, but these are
the best words I've got at present.
Mystress wrote-
"Integrating the Priestess is encompassing nonduality, and part of that
is transcending your fear of death."
And also-
"The only way to disempower a woman is to persuade the women herself,
that these are inferior powers.. sinful, unclean, evil.. so she builds the
walls to hold back the power, in her own mind. So it was done.. first by
the sword, and then by generations of women teaching their daughters to
hide their sexuality, feel ashamed of their moon blood and embarrassed at
their pregnant fertility."
and also
"Wake up, Serena! They burned the Witches because they were scared of
them! Scared of the wild uncontrollable power of fully awakened women
manifesting the Goddess! Scared of the female sexuality that makes a man's
blood run to the little head so he cannot control his raging desire."
This last bit from Mystress' post left me pondering this: so how does
it feel to be a Witch surrounded by people who are so (murderously)
frightened of you? And I realized I could answer this question at
least from my own experience.
It doesn't feel good. The constant barrage of messages and nonverbal
signals that something with me is very
wrong is painful, because the wrong thing
is ~me~ and I can't change me/it or hide me/it very successfully.
I was taught to try and hide my sexual power
by my mother. I think in our case my mother was mostly
not motivated by a belief that women's power was unclean or evil,
but rather by great fear- of the witch hunts. She wanted me to be powerful,
she didn't want me to be hunted. I don't blame her.
I got an interesting set of messages from her-
"Sexuality is a wonderful powerful thing and not dirty or evil,
but you have ~got~ to hide it or you will be a target."
I did try to hide "it" but it didn't want to be hid, and I was a target
anyway... and I seem to be far less a target
now that I don't hide but dress and behave in ways
that make such power visually explicit.
I am feeling less fear for my safety
as I gain experience showing "Her"; I am also assembling
a large set of practical strategies that help with the various situations
that arise. One other part is more correctly interpreting
the new reactions I am getting
from men and other women to seeing Her in me.
A lot of the reactions from men and women which
I used to interpret as "hostility",
indicating potential threat, I now
perceive/understand as noncomprehension and/or fear.
There is self-doubt. I know my dark side and I am
afraid of abusing all this power. I guess I've met a few
real evil witches in my life, and I have met the evil witch
inside myself... I didn't want the power if I was going to abuse it,
and I knew I had the capacity for such abuse.
Mystress said that a priestess encompasses nonduality.
This suggests to me that the evil witch problem is not solved by trying
ever-so-hard to be good, but by encompassing the duality of good
and evil. Oh, this should be simple. ;-)
I fear witches myself, not because of my own sexual desires for them
(I can live with those well enough),
but because of the hurt that powerful
insightful women can cause. When you meet
a woman who is letting the darkest youngest most angry damaged and
frightened part of herself run the show- and this same woman
happens to be quite gifted and powerful... ouch.
I think often we (potential)
witches hunt one another the hardest. And I think that part of the
fear I evoke in others as a powerful woman is fear of experiencing
kind of hurt.
When men are afraid of me, they seem to fear
their own personal vulnerability- at least, the men
I am interacting with, lately. I think I fear witches in just the same way.
As a (beautiful) powerful woman, I can
humiliate them easily. As an insightful woman, I can
suss out their weaknesses and expose
them publicly. My displeasure alone has enormous weight
for some; if they cannot please me, their failure to do so is demoralizing.
Lately (and strangely) it is with women where I seem to be
encountering the fear that is due to the
uncontrollable sexual response to the
witch. There I think this fear is largely a product of homophobic
conditioning (which are in my opinion part and parcel of
the teachings that female sexual power is evil, sinful etc.).
Well, thanks for reading through my latest chapter in the
becoming-me book of Serena.
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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