Kundalini Gateway Email List Archives

line

To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/07/15 21:32
Subject: Re: [K-list] Surrender
From: ?? ??

On 2001/07/15 21:32, ?? ?? posted thus to the K-list:

I've replied to the surrender line of thought before, but who knows what will come out tonight.

I fought surrender. The word gave me the creeps, quite literally. I was feeling the connotations so much that I couldn't comprehend what surrender was. To me at that point, surrender equalled losing, being weak. Surrender was handing it over because I wasn't good enough to take care of myself. It brought up lots of negative self-thoughts... It took me years to realize that it takes more strength to surrender, more strength to admit personal limitations, than it does to blindly charge forward thinking you can fake it till you make it. That some day I'd be strong enough to figure out the universe, all by my lonesome...

I was part of a group I loved dearly, and was too weak to leave even though I knew I didn't belong there. More faking it hoping I'd make it rather than just taking what I am and being that... I always felt like I was being stretched in all directions in all planes by this group. It had long since served its purpose but I was trying to stay, trying to be social even though it isn't in my nature. It blew up in my face rather spectacularly...rattling the windows for months to come. It's always rather amazing what happens when you are the spiritual equivalent of stumbling drunk.

These days, I pretty much know what I am and what I am not... It's ok with me. :) I'm looking back on several years of double-checking, of complete confusion, but also complete perfection. I just tired out of fighting it...resistance IS indeed futile. Instant Karma...All You Need Is Love :). I'm still quite confused, I don't have all the answers...and it really doesn't matter one bit. I handed it over to someone a while ago...even though occasionally I have to sneak a peak at the map or I go nuts. ;)

Kimberly...rambling


http://www.kundalini-gateway.org


blank
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
blank
K.  List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and  Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
 line
  • Feel free to submit any questions you might have about what you read here to the Kundalini mailing list moderators, and/or the author (if given). Specify if you would like your message forwarded to the list. Please subscribe to the K-list so you can read the responses.
  • All email addresses on this site have been spam proofed by the addition of ATnospam in place of the at symbol symbol.
  • All posts publicly archived with the permission of the people involved. Reproduction for anything other than personal use is prohibited by international copyright law. ©
  • This precious archive of experiential wisdom is made available thanks to sponsorship from Fire-Serpent.org.
  • URL: http://www.kundalini-gateway.org/klist/k2001b/k200103474.html