To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/06/22 10:27
Subject: [K-list] hum...
From: www.siiya.net / prod. musique & multimedia web
On 2001/06/22 10:27, www.siiya.net / prod. musique & multimedia web posted thus to the K-list:
Hi all,
It's fun to read all of the people that imagine me playing a role,
wanting to be seen as, suffering...
Putting a tag on something or someone is not always reducing this
person, unless you are in the context of the jewish reality in 1933-45
Germany, but it surely reduces your ability to understand anything new
about this thing or person.
What I learn about these people is that they probably define me as their
own conception of the world, given all the efforts I've done to give
here each facette of my self. It's poor, but everyone is ignorant to
some extent. I don't feel I have to convert anybody here to anything,
but I can make a suggestion by curiosity, I can share some experience,
giving you the choice of taking it or not.
I spend most of my time discovering who I am by meditation and mounting
a creation business. I am a producer, I know a lot about people playing
a role or wanting to be seen as... A producer loses money with them.
They are always on the edge of some mental outburst that explode when
comes the time to do serious things. They are just good at dreaming and
living in illusion, and guiding other blind people like them trough
imaginary worlds where they are all the victim of something, waiting for
a fantasy God to give them a permanent positive state of living, a kind
of paradise they deserve because of their suffering.
A good artist for me is the one who lives is art like a "metier", let's
say an electrician or a carpenter, totally dedicated to serve the need
of the people by what he knows the best to do. Another maybe like the
soldier, serving in something bigger, not knowing everything but with
trust, and wanting it to win.
The one who lives is art just for expressing feelings to be recognize as
or to play a role is a wannabe, this is always a nightmare that finishes
into drugs and drama.
I am here because I have things to learn about me. Don't need anybody
to comment, I know I'm doing what I have to do.
Lot of people talking about the inner child here. Lot of people
defining me, suggesting that I should read John Bradshaw etc...
They are so blind that they don't even see that I am a result of this
process. Even my will not to be commented comes from that!
So, I'm gonna share this with you, people who think they know so much...
I did for 2 years, while I was doing a lot of others, a support group
for the inner child within. It's called E.A.D.A. here in Montreal, for
(in english) "children coming from alcoholic and dysfunctionnal family",
totally based on Bradshaw's method.
There are rules there to follow to avoid very sad events or even
catastrophies. In this fraternity they get together in little groups,
let say 5 groups of 7 or 8 people. Then the moderator chooses the
topic. If you feel something very strongly, you can talk about it, no
problems.
So every person chooses to speak when she wants, by taking parole. They
have let's say, about 7 minutes to talk about (their way of expressing
their sexuality, their anger, their relations with autority, anything
pertinent) and everybody respect the space of the other.
Everybody is at a different level, but the rule is to talk about you, to
share what you live and your experiences. If you begin to speak about
how much you know and give advices, you'll be kicked out.
If you are more advanced than me, I will take what I need and go.
If you are way too advanced for me, I will choose another's way.
But it's me who choose, never someone else will choose for me.
If I take what someone else has just said and comment it, I JUST REPEAT
THE ABUSE THEY WANT TO RECOVER FROM!!!
IF I DO THAT' I'M OUT!!!
ZERO TOLERANCE!!!
These groups are there to attein a clear objective, not to experiment
with people. And it works, until you atteined a certain point or need
different stuff.
All the support groups that I know, and I know a lot, are based on this
principle. What is done here would be seen there has a "manque de
savoir-vivre".
The psychologist I've seen during 5 years was working on the same
principle. Not a "self-proclaimed" therapist "playing a role" of a
healer... She was still is the best of what this profession is meant to
be, I was lucky to get to her.
NEVER INFLUENCE OF INTERVENE IN THE CLIENT'S LIFE!
She is not there to do a power trip or to get the benefit of who I'll
become. She's there to let me "bloom" and to facilitate the process of
knowing of I am. How can I bloom if I think I am a rock?
In five years, she never displayed any of her gigantic knowledge. She
knew that it was not the point, she had it maybe to realize it was not
what it was all about... Never saw any reaction of fear when I told her
about the most strange and heavy stuff. It was resonating into her and
I saw a calm echo, like the ideal mother for a child.
The child does not need to be told who he is or what he is, he has all
that already inside of him.
I would be curious to see the process of someone taking a little flower
coming out from the soil, a little green stick with one little leaf, and
starting to say: "Ok, grow a branch in that direction, now become that
kind of flower... now stop growing! There is danger... Ok, you can
grow again.."
So the way it is here, the list does not really provide any real
possibility for growth. I have one that works very well, so I don't
really care what you do with your lives. I have absolutely no sense of
belonging here, I have absolutely no feelings for anybody in particular,
either good or bad. When I feel insulted I respond and it's finished.
But I care for the guy or the girl LIKE ME, living an intense process,
coming here and seeing all of this off topic, suffisant, esoteric and
"fascistly positive" stuff. I know kundalini is not about that, and I
realize, seeing theese hundred of thousands of priests living on this
earth, that if it is possible for so many people to be listened to
without knowing even anything about themselves (so imagine about
god...), it is also possible to have a bunch of people talking intensely
and even dedicating their lives to kundalini without knowing about
neither themselves or it.
Theese are the people who play a role.
I also know that all the people that are really in this process never
asked me for an explanation. Like I do with others that are in the
process, I am feeded, nurtured, nourrished by their words. Never had a
need to comment or explain what they live or who they are, except to say
I live or I lived the same thing, that they are not alone.
I have a deep interest in finding other people like that, because it
makes me grow always more.
I have a deep interest in their survival.
The others, I don't care. I can feel compassion, I can do something, be
emotively attached... as long as they don't block the way for others
like me.
And I have a personnality... a strong one. It's not because I'm deep
into a process that I don't like to kick asses...
I am tired of this fascist regime of "being a good person". Just BEING
is far more difficult and challenging, far more interesting.
My way of being tolerates no restriction at all, but good sense.
See you!
Benoit
"derrière chaque victime se cache un bourreau impitoyable..."
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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