To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/06/21 11:57
Subject: [K-list] re-enacting
From: www.siiya.net / prod. musique & multimedia web

Hi all of you,

This list is a special space... created for those who experience K. I
experienced it for eight years now, I've been guided by a very professionnal
women that I hold in very high esteem.

In our sessions, she did'nt make space for only one kind of sentiments. She
knew that if she'd prefer positive sentiments rather than more "heavy" ones,
(call them poisonous if you want, depends on who ingest them), she would
pervert the process of my awakening.

Everything I felt was OK, she was there not to say that she loved me,
because it would have been displaced and it is not professionnal to mix
feelings and guidance, she was there to accompany me in this journey, being
a reference in reality, just by welcoming my emotions without "reacting".
She never said "blessing" "I love you" anything like that, because there
was no need at all. It was so evident that she had a profound link with me,
something intense and difficult to define,the quality of the feeling
reflected in the relation.

I have two lists where I can express myself. There is one that is kind of
like this relation I had with this women, where there is a primary respect
of who you are in the first place. There are no guides in need for an
audience there.

This is not the case here.

I knew at the beginning it was unavoidable some day that there will be some
friction between me and the "spirituals" as it did in another kind of
support group, the alcoholics anonymous, that I used to frequent to have
support... and use still, when I need it.

I idealized them at the first place, thinking they were very advanced
spiritual people. Hard not to believe that, there are very spectacular
results there; when you come from a dark background and discover that by
praying you can get thing and feel better, stop an addiction without doing
any effort but to surrender to a superior power, or God, it's hard not to go
on some kind of "mental drunk" state...

I discovered with my K rising that these people used spirituality as a
drug. They thought all was now perfect in their lifes, but sometimes there
was one that was hanging himself, another jumping from a bridge... But this
was "tabou"... If we did what was supposed to be done, it was not suppose
to happen. Point.

They committed suicide because they felt strange things that were tabous in
these groups... the energy of the group was so strong, even if it is
encouraged to talk about wathever you feel, there are non-written rules to
follow. So, seing no issue for their tourmenting thoughts, they put an end
to their lives.

I saw a lot of things committed by "spiritual people", people who always
mention spiritual words like God, Love, blessing, forgiveness etc... and
when I saw the first truely realized self, outside of these groups, I
decided not to play this game anymore.

The people warned me: "You are gonna start to take drugs again, you are
gonna die without us"

Sounds like a sect... kind of... But I see it more like a dysfonctional
family; you need it until one point and then you must go away from it in
order not to become mad...

My sister his in the Hare Krishna Consciousness. She lives in Dallas. I
have a profound link to her, but with her it was the same thing... If I did
not adhere to her thinking and philosophy, I was going to reincarnate
endlessly, in a lot of suffering...

I sweared to myself never to claim that I am "spiritual", because this is a
word that sounds "poisonous" to me.

I refuse help from these groups because it is not help at all... It is
going into a dangerous confort zone where I become alienated of my true
self.

I did not need you the last eight years for my K rising, it has worked
fine. My other list helps me a lot more than this one, but you provided me
with an experience I had to relive:

When I was a very little kid I was not permitted to say who I was. When I
stood up and broke the law, my supposedly "loving" parents went crazy on me,
using all the means possible to crush me well. I was between two and three.

This period has always been like a dream to me. Is it possible that
"loving" people commit that sort of thing? I am naive... Got to test it
over and over, on different people and different place. Could not face the
sadness it implied.

Our "face-à-face" is sad, but I needed it.

Now, by "sagesse", maybe I should let you be as you are in this list and
experience and share my K on a different way on another.

Isn't it strange that I feel I'm not at my place in a kundalini forum, me
who experience it so intensely and for so long?

Maybe that's what Jesus felt in the temple. I really like this guy... He
was subversive and very heavy. Dommage he has been nailed... But I don't
like mankind enough to sacrifice for it! Not for now!

Benoit

http://www.kundalini-gateway.org

DISCLAIMER!

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