To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/06/20 06:31
Subject: [K-list] Re: Let's get into some denial...
From: www.siiya.net / prod. musique & multimedia web
On 2001/06/20 06:31, www.siiya.net / prod. musique & multimedia web posted thus to the K-list:
> Don't know why you are sorry... I do not feel sorry for myself. I do
> not feel I have been more abused than others... but I feel I went on
> the part of the boat that shake the most...
>
> "What I mean by saying that is that my experience of you from reading
> your words is that you and life are adversaries. Probably I am wrong."
>
> Yes you are but your perception is not. The interesting thing is your
> perception. For my reality, I do not fight life, I love life and
> she's not an adversary at all. But she provides me with plenty of
> adversaries... Why? I did a deal with her. Wanted to die totally
> conscious and ready, at the time she'll choose. Did'nt know what it
> implied at the time...
>
> "It does not always have to be like that..."
>
> Yes, you are right. But the thing is to me that when I take a break,
> I stop evolving and sink into acting out, unconscious patterns, even
> stupidity. So for me it's a choice. Sometimes I have no choice. I
> am a deeply sensual guy and if life send me my type of girl today, the
> one that just pass through the neo-cortex to explode in the archetype
> section, I will fuck all the things up, until life bring me a big
> piece of rock to hit me in the face. I know where I'm weak... And I
> know I'll have to live this again because I have weaknesses to work
> out...
>
> Something that is more precise to describe me, I will give it to
> you... I absolutely do have no respect for the side of me that
> betrayed me when it said illusion and fantasies were fine because I
> was suffering enough.
>
> I went into way more suffering and into a state of mind that can be
> easily describe as hell.
>
> By extent, I have absolutely no respect at all for the magicians and
> "mirage" sellers, for the people who say that it is OK to bullshit
> yourself, even a little bit.
>
> If they have respect for themselves, they will stay out of my way.
>
> I am at war with this poison in me, and outside of me. You wondered
> who was the adversary, you now know what it is. For me there is no
> more "anti-life" than "complaisance". Dont know how to say in
> english, maybe "contentment".
>
> I am at war because I feel my survival threatened by this poison of
> illusion. From there I cannot justify myself more. It's a good cause
> for me, It's my cause, and I'm a fighter, like to fight.
>
> Not much mystery in this, don't wanna be a "mystery guy".
>
> It is just a fact that illusion is everywhere, most inside of me,
> stored in all of my organs and cells. It does'nt come off easily,
> believe me... When the cleaning will be more advanced, I will sure be
> a more "peaceful" looking person. But it will be an illusion... Some
> priests in Japan were achieving the same quest of perfection in their
> soul and in their art. The more high they were spiritually, the
> easier the head of the adversary came off. It just "looked" cleaner
> and less brutal...
>
> I just take a look around me. I'm fascinated by reality. Never saw a
> bird help a cat or neither the opposite. They do not have interest
> into their common survival. I do not have interest into the survival
> of any illusion, in me or outside of me. Illusion invaded me, I
> declared war.
>
> Benoit
>
> divine_goddessATnospamhotmail.com wrote:
>
>> Reality is the ultimate wake up tool...
>>
>> It's what happens to you even when you pray...
>> It happens even when you believe the best...
>> It happens even when you believe the worst...
>> It happens in spite of what you believe.
>>
>> I am sorry, Benoit, that life seems to have been rough for you..
>>
>> What I mean by saying that is that my experience of you from reading
>>
>> your words is that you and life are adversaries. Probably I am
>> wrong.
>>
>> It does not always have to be like that...
>>
>> Susan
>>
>> --- In Kundalini-GatewayATnospamy..., "www.siiya.net / prod. musique &
>> multimedia web" <siiyaATnospamv...> wrote:
>> > "The greatest mystery of all is reality"
>> >
>> > I did'nt say that, but I sure think the same...
>> >
>> > A women I hold in high esteem use to say to me: "The most
>> difficult is
>> > not to get out of
>> > the body, but to fully incarnate it."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>
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