To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/06/13 08:14
Subject: Re: [K-list] My Story
From: www.siiya.net / prod. musique & multimedia web
On 2001/06/13 08:14, www.siiya.net / prod. musique & multimedia web posted thus to the K-list:
Hi, thanks for the substance.
Just can say that personnaly I am kind of afraid to "work" on the force. I
prefer to let it work, but I am not a "connaisseur" in the matter, I am just an
experimenter... if it can be said like this...
I will always remember this kind of "out of time" experience that I had in the
summer of 1999... I did a profound meditation and I forced my crown chakra,
can't remember what I had in mind. I think at the time I just wanted to "feel"
this chakra as much as others, I was still doubting about the true existence of
the upper chakras because I have this kind of nature: If I don't feel, hard to
take for granted... Yes, even if I was working for years on the other chakras,
it could have been something else!
(now that they are all in function I must admit it has become a reality, as raw
as I have b..ls...)
In this chakra experimented weird stuff, but now I begin to suspect that "weird
stuff" is not the goal at all... until I'm completely unlocked or ready I
guess...
So after the meditation I fell into a sleep. It was five or six in the after
noon. I was woke up by a song that I had just put on my board, very very loud
and completely fucked up, so much that it was scarry. It was coming from
inside, and I then realized I was not really "inside", but just a little
unsynchronized with my body; very strange and unconfortable sensation.
When I tried to get up, I realized it was very very heavy. All this noise in
my head, feeling like if I was half dead cause not really in my body anymore,
and not in the reality because my contact with it was blasted. So I woke up
and did'nt know if I was really standing, had the smashing impression I was two
inches high, suspended in the air by a unkowned and strange body I did'nt
relate to anymore. It was like if I was standing on a high tower that could
walk, trying to control it so it doesn't collapse.
Then I felt my organs from very far. Could not swallow, could hardly breathe,
my heart was beating like a bass drum on a free jazz song, completely crazy and
off beat. I had to make tremendous efforts to walk to the phone, to find my
voice that was an abstraction, and I called 911.
I thought I could not be more fucked up than that, It was done, I was going to
experiment eternal pain, distress and confusion.
The medics arrived, test my heart, at the time it had went down from almost 160
to 90 bpm, and they diagnosed a panic attack.
I am a very experimented subject of panic attacks, this was like a tsunami
compared to a little wave if it was a panic attack, mostly because of the way
distorted reality, but it was that. In the hospital I got checked and
everything was right, they did'nt give a shit of the experience I've been
trough, either medically or psychologically.
I stayed in a state of "in between-ness" for 8 hours, then back to normal the
next days.
I still think K is not really harmfull, even if I experimented high geared
distress. But this is the thing about it: it can if forced get you in very
distressing states that can be more easily passed through later, when more...
don't know... when just ready. And I don't know what it takes, cause I dont
decide much...
Friendly, Benoit from a little southwest of your place
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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