To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/06/13 01:34
Subject: [K-list] My Story
From: Rich
On 2001/06/13 01:34, Rich posted thus to the K-list:
Do you experience what you believe or believe what you experience.
I.e. do your beliefs come from your experiences in life or vice versa.
Avatar takes the view that our experiences are based upon our beliefs and
not the other way round.
This is wrong as many of our beliefs are shaped or formed as a result of our
experiences. These however can consequently affect our future experiences.
It is a play on both aspects of this. However they are both worth
recognising as being important aspects of how we can create undesirable
conditions.
Source List.
I am source. Are you source… I am source.
The final outcome of source list for each of the items are invalid. It is
wrong to be totally fixed in on of the views or states as defined in the
source list. The end result should be I can be source if I want to. There
should be a freedom to move in and out of the view or state as one chooses.
The fixated state that Avatar instructs is missing wholeness or lacks
integration with the rest of ones make up. By that I mean a free-flow of
energies in all of ones energy centres or throughout our various bodies.
Avatar blocks off some of these channels in doing Source List.
These two areas have been understood better as a result of my recent
experience.
Date is 12 June 2001.
Whilst attending the basic Buddhism course in Hull and doing a meditation
exercise. I was attempting to calm the mind and move my self (awareness)
into other charkas. I realised that the mind is like a charka and we become
so much stuck in this but we can just as easily become habitually placed in
any of our charkas if we spent all our time acting in that region.
Mediation was hard and my charkas felt depleted as I had been doing a lot of
mental focussing work all day long (programming and computer activities). I
desired charging these charkas up.
In the meditation room I normally find there to be an eminent energy which
helps re-charge one´s charkas. Coupled by the energy of the group around as
well as the Master one can lift their charkas more easily than in other
places where there are low background energies.
I used an exercise of moving my attention on to the depleted charka and then
down into my lower genitalia region, which I had done before to help with
balancing. On this occasion I struggled to do this.
All of I sudden I felt as if nearly all the life force was being sucked out
of me and I decided this was dangerous and should stop. I really felt as if
I was becoming incredibly weak and frail.
I went back to focussing on breathing and letting go of my thoughts.
Whilst doing this all of a sudden I had total calmness in my mind. I was
conscious of this and could very easily (like I´ve never been able to do
before) hold on to or let go of anything that my mind got caught up with.
Any grasping, any attachment, any wondering thoughts. It was so easy to
return back to this natural state of total calmness. It was absolute peace.
This is something which I had felt before whilst doing an energy connection
between my lowest charka and this lower energy source (see notes from
Melbourne experience after meeting Sogyal Rinpoche)
Now it may just be coincidence that yesterday I received The Serpent Power
by Arthur Avalon. I started reading this last night and managed about the
first 6 pages – it´s heavy going with many words that need to be understood
to grasp the meaning.
I think it is more likely that I had a profound release last night to do
with freedom and how I had feared this in the past or felt that it would not
last. I let go of these bottlenecks to maintaining freedom. I felt very
relaxed last night, but this morning felt very ill – tired, like I hadn´t
slept properly and very foggy. So I thought bummer I´ve caved in again.
Had an interesting dream to do with being on a coach going through a
extremely hilly and sandy terrain where there were very steep (45 degree+ )
drops for some distance that the coach had to navigate. There was a lot of
fear that the coach would tipple over or slide sideways but we were okay.
This represented to me in interpretation – a journey that I was on. The sand
represents a weak foundation that was giving way.
(This dream may have some bearing on what happened next)
All of a sudden I felt as if the knot or block in the lower region which I
had before had to push through has suddenly gone. My awareness shifted into
a new unfamiliar space and then all of a sudden this enormous uprising of
energy occurred. It was very fast – like about 2 seconds from groin to head.
I had absolutely no control over it nor wanted to intervene. I just had to
sit back and watch.
It scared me a lot but I was trying to maintain the empty mind as I new that
by placing judgements or thinking about it would effect it´s free movement.
The next thing I knew it became too much. The energy force was so powerful
that I nearly just fell over even though I was sitting. I started to here
strange sounds like rushing which were quite loud. I had to put my hands out
in front of me to rest on the floor and start breathing deeply with my eyes
wide open.
I could not get my thoughts back. I wanted to try and ground myself and
bring myself back to the previous state I was in but I couldn´t. My thoughts
were very light – the circus of the mind had dropped to being more like a
car radio on at a low volume whilst I was outside the car with the doors
shut. I couldn´t get back into that mental space I was so familiar with.
My heart was racing furiously and I felt incredibly hot.
I was quite scared. To the point that it felt like this was going to take
over me completely like I´d be pushed to one side and have no power or
influence over my body again. This is why I had to try and stop it.
It took some time for it to subside fully. In that instant all of my charkas
had been charged up. I felt enormous ecstasy (which interesting was like the
rush but not as powerful that comes with taking this drug – which I had done
about 4 times, over 6 years ago prior to this.). I felt elation, joy,
excitement, bliss etc... Like I´d never felt before.
I felt connected with everything around me. Like I was that what was around
me if I wanted to be. My presence had grown from being in a body to being
everywhere in the room.
In trying to bring myself back into my body. I could not stop shaking. This
was almost uncontrollable. I had to hold my self down to stop the shaking. I
was gasping for water also which I was able to have when we finished the
meditation. I also became very cold.
Afterwards I was totally spaced out. Concepts, ideas, stories and jokes that
people were telling me just washed over me. It was like I could choose with
anything whether to hold it in my mind or let it go. It was the most amazing
sense of freedom I´ve ever had. Attachment and grasping was not automatic
anymore. It was a conscious choice.
So as I write this now, I am more down to earth although I feel spaced out
still and incredibly light.
In a short instant I had moved from feeling tired and depleted from my day
behind the computer to being super-charged by this incredible energy.
Fortunately I am well as I speak and I think that is only attributable to
the fact that I was working on calming the mind at the time. If there had
been blocks or knots in my system and this energy had been unleashed I don´t
know what could have happened. The strength of this is hard to put into
words. It is like nothing else. It is a thick energy stream that just zooms
up your whole torso and more or less knocks you out.
I´m a little hesitant about doing further meditation right now.
I am scared that this could take over me completely and I´d loose my
identity and sense of purpose. I´m afraid I´d loose me.
Comments welcome. What should I do next?
Richard Burnett
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