To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/06/06 20:53
Subject: Re: [K-list] Hey dudes
From: blitz_kay
On 2001/06/06 20:53, blitz_kay posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Cosmos Dog, (for the others, excuse my poor english)
From my experience, beneath each compulsion and obsession lies an unwanted
emotion that the conscious mind is conditionned to always force back to the
non-conscient by acting compulsively in some way or another.
This emotion can be ridiculous if you make it burst and come into
consciousness, the process can be somehow easy, but it may also plunge you
into deep depression for years.
Did that to me, a big illusion of a need for unconditionnal love from my
mother has to die, (she did not love me and she never will, the way I needed
it at this time) and I tried as much has I could to relive that fantasy with
all the women I met, ended in full of sentimental disasters.
Depends what your reality his.
You are conscious, that's a big step, but emotional or spiritual maturity
has nothing to do with intellectual understanding.
Not linking both process and letting them have their own flow and
independant rythm is a process I am into, and I have good results so far.
Does look good to endoctrinated and spiritually close-minded people, but
that's a sign I have to let them where they are and be with me.
Nobody has to be choked by self-guilt and bad conscience, especially me.
Tired to ear I'm not like I should be, from within and from without. Lot of
dialogs during meditation with theese introjected voices, or complexes.
It's cool to see it's possible to contact theese living thoughts in us.
Cool to see you can make them grow with you, be free from them without
compulsion and repression, but by integration.
I have personnally a gap between both concepts of intellectual development
and emotional maturity: I don't feel universal love into my heart, but I am
able of great tenderness; I am very ambitious and agressive, but it his to
establish myself and have a family (now I am really nothing socially
speaking, still trying to start a creative business but I'm not a marketing
guy...) Sometimes I act like a warrior, not has Gandhi. BUT...
A lot of warriors from India, China and Japan (for those I know for sure)
used this way of rising their spirit.
I think the universal spirit has no conception of what's good or bad. It is
our choice to do what we think is the best for us, at the level we are.
I know for sure if I begin to fake the life of Gandhi or mere Theresa, I
will waist mine, this will kill my soul. Any kind of alienation is mortal
to the soul, even with good fronts.
It's sure that if I abuse another creature of god, I abuse myself to... But
it is never as simple as that, I simply cannot conceive good and bad that
way, so I won't and stop now.
Maybe first step, not feeling guilty of just being a guy that has learn long
before he had developed is own free will, to escape unbearable (?) emotions
with sex.
I did that to, I do it a lot less now, and I didn't look to control
anything; just came that I was putting energies somewhere else, for MY
personnal growth and not just my spiritual growth...
Le Grizzly du Canada
(un prédateur intelligent, dangereux, mais aussi capable d'une tendresse et
d'une humanité désarmante)
Benoit
Le Chien Du Cosmos wrote:
> Hey, happy to have found this most interesting egroup!
>
> I am a regular hatha yoga-er/pranayam-er/meditator for about a year....
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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