To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/06/04 14:27
Subject: [K-list] Born Awake and Aware Vs. Born Asleep
From: Denise Lyon Anding
On 2001/06/04 14:27, Denise Lyon Anding posted thus to the K-list:
Hello, All,
Benoit's great post about his personal style of meditation brought to mind all kinds of ideas to write about. I'll just keep it down to one concept for this post.
"BORN AWARE AND AWAKE" VS. "BORN ASLEEP"
Here is my question: How many on the list know that they were what I term as "born awake and aware"?
I've read a lot of posts about memorable specific awakening experiences, having been recovered from "born asleep" but nothing about realizing you were born awake and aware and never returned to that sleep.
"OK, Miss Out in Left Field, so what is the reason for such an odd question?" you ask. "Where has Denise been all this time?"
Well, obviously, I was born "awake and aware." However, my family was born "asleep." Those of you who have read some of my posts will remember the references to extreme abuse. (Don't cringe. This is just to explain the flowing of the Kundalini and this family situation of contrasts as the stage for that story.)
This family tried desperately to control what they perceived was "me." I knew all along it was not personal. They tried to destroy every way they could: emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. You name it, they tried it. They tried to kill many times.
I remember being suffocated many times. Yet, rather than being afraid of not getting air and dying, I knew I would live. Even as a tiny child, I was aware I had something special to help me out beyond nice warrior and guardian angels. I had a spiritual "generator."
When I went "off line" for physical air, another mysterious force would kick in and come "on line" for the duration I required. I called it "spiritual breathing." It always met my needs. My needs were great as my mother had severe scar tissue on her brain, what we now call "head injury" patients. As a head trauma person, she literally could not control even mild irritation. Everything became immense rage and it was all the time, unrelenting. You never knew what would set her off. If you said "Hello, Good Morning," you never knew what might follow. Needless to say, I fasted a lot in that household in order to maintain a state of readiness for any situation. Her "episodes" could last up to half an hour and then she would wake up and start to realize what she was doing, be horrified, and release her grip. Needless to say, by the time I was three, I knew it was a good idea to stay out of reach on a regular basis, something my brother was not inclined to do.
My spiritual "generator" did other cool things. I remember dramatic moments like my older larger brother trying to force his way into my room to beat me (mainly because he wanted to "pass it on" after Mother beat him, he couldn't handle the energy and wanted to dump it somewhere). I was five years old yet had the Herculean strength to easily push my hard rock maple very heavy antique dresser to block the door shut. (He was adept at picking locks.)
When he was making headway at sledgehammering the door with his shoulder and kicking, shoving with his feet, he successfully moved the dresser inch by inch (he was a large nine year old) away from the opening.
So what did I do? I was a little child. (But I didn't know that...) So I wedged myself between the heavy dresser and the wall. My feet against the dresser and my head and neck in a very vulnerable position against the wall... Every time he kicked with great force I felt the energy flow through the door, the dresser, my feet and into my neck. All my muscles were tensed to hold the position against him. And with each blow, I heard strange cracks and other bone-breaking sounds like my leg bones beginning to splinter. But I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, my spiritual generator would take care of the rest. I felt the energy move and heal all the breaks, splinters, and fractures instantly. It healed repeatedly. However, I remained in that position and state of readiness for many hours because I knew he would return repeatedly, which he did. In the end, he gave up for that day, until the next day and he came up with what he thought would be a more effective idea to accomplish a kill.
I never failed to marvel at this mysterious Force inside me that was always instructing me and healing me so rapidly. They just couldn't figure out how I did it. I even acquired tremendous endurance by cooperating with this Force. How many five year olds do you know would be motivated enough to remain wedged like that for so many hours when the noon sun turned into sundown (during the summer)? That is far from normal behavior.
It was this spiritual generator that used to frustrate them all so. When I should have had many broken bones, there were none. Where bruises should have been, again none. I still have no broken bones to this day.
When I was eight and my brother, a large twelve year old on the school wrestling team, did two things. One was he was going to teach me "American Indian wrestling," (where you lie down on the floor with legs raised in the air and the object is to engage with the one leg each and then flip the opponent, sending them flying into the air, easily breaking their back...) Of course, he had already practiced what was new to me and he also knew the rules of which he informed me selectively. We engaged and he was surprised I could hold him. He could not best me which only infuriated him more. Eventually, I flipped him in a way I "knew" intuitively would not harm him. (I knew he would not stop until he won or I won.) He stomped off, beaten and embarrassed his little skinny sister beat him.
Again, that same summer, he came at me with a baseball bat. All my short life he talked about "breaking my legs, killing me, breaking my neck." (He would throw me down flights of stairs where I learned to roll relaxed and headfirst, no bruises nor broken bones...) He took the bat and swung hard at the upper outside of my right leg, vowing to succeed in breaking it. He used the full force that comes from hatred.
That's right, you guessed it, that trusty generator came on line and gave me the awareness as to how to absorb the energy and transform it instantly and disperse it harmlessly. He was shocked to say the least. He was about to take a second swing and that Kundalini Force rose up so forcefully that I ripped the bat out of his hands and took a giant sized swing at HIS leg. It was that lightning strike of spiritual energy.
He couldn't get away from me fast enough, begging for me to return the bat. (Just how stupid would that have been?...) Of course, the Kundalini Force measured that swing so that all he wore was a nasty bruise for weeks. You learn how to measure a blow like that by only allowing it to penetrate so many "layers" of depth, enough to bring pain but again, not to cause lasting harm.
The parents and my brother were all "born asleep." These were people with too much high level "I.Q." intelligence, too little spiritual development (they fell into the arrogance of "the intellectual") and low emotional intelligence. Now this is a family of engineers, English teachers, artists, mathematicians, physicists, doctors, lawyers, architects. There is no excuse for ignorance here.
So just what was happening here, you say? One person "born awake and aware" and three others "born asleep,"
this was a story of contrasts. WHEN YOU HAVE ONE PERSON WHO IS AWAKE, IT BEGINS THE AWAKENING PROCESS FOR ANYONE IN CLOSE PHYSICAL PROXIMITY. These particular three people were CRAZED TERRIFIED OF THE AWAKENING. They fought it every way they could.
There is a Christian scripture that speaks about "the flesh warring against the Spirit." There was no room for doubt about my understanding of this statement. I spent decades in long association with that concept. And this story of polar contrasts illustrates it. The "flesh" represents the lower spiritual level we call the physical world. The "Spirit" represents God touching us into awareness that we are much more and it is time to exist on that Higher Level.
There is a much greater Force at work than we think we understand. These seemingly small familial relationships are a way to illustrate this Force at work, penetrating the Universe. This friction of "the flesh warring against the Spirit" is a demonstration of this intelligent God Force at work on a daily basis on these lower spiritual levels. The whole point is to bring us all in the awareness of there is so much more to life than our current state. We can live more. The reason is to elevate us from the lower spiritual levels up to the highest spiritual levels. Yet we fight the process. How smart is this?
One of my lessons from all of this, besides learning all the worst places of the human heart which is what I term as "lowered vision," is that it was a good idea to learn how to "cloak" my energy field so that people could find it easier to be around me. There is such a thing as "awakening" too traumatically and too quickly. (Especially, the more that "sleeping" person is a "control freak" with everyone around them, the more resistance the Force has to literally tear from them in order to Awaken them.)
So, did they ever awaken? Yes and no. For brief moments, sometimes a few days they would awaken and I could easily see their Higher Selves which was quite delightful. I was viewing the promise to come, someday. But then, like a clock winding down, their eyes would begin to grow cloudy and then glaze over and they went back to sleep. There was a brief period of calm. Then the Awakening Process would begin again, as the Kundalini is relentless, and they would violently fight it in that "crazed terrified mode."
That is why when you talk to an old person and they want to tell you about a few significant moments in their life that they remember with great clarity, chances are high they were "born asleep" but awakened for brief moments. Those few awakenings were so memorable because of the "aliveness" they felt and the mental clarity.
So what am I saying here?
Allow people to awaken in their own way, their own timing. Do not assume they will remain awake. Not everyone has stored enough spiritual energy, spiritual development, to maintain this wakefulness. They are just receiving an introduction to a fuller life for which they are not entirely ready.
When people are nasty to you, don't take it personally. They are really fighting the God process, not you personally. They don't yet understand and someday they will. It may be a very long "someday" but it will come. They are clueless as to "who they are." Because I have remained in close association with this Force/Holy Spirit, both the Personal and the Impersonal, I thankfully don't suffer that pain and confusion.
Had I not endured such a harsh environment I would never have learned to ally myself so successfully with Kundalini/Holy Spirit. I would never have had the opportunity to fully relate to and come to understand this God energy and all that It can do for a person.
What a contrast. Awake or asleep. The flesh warring with the Spirit. It's a big cosmic drama.
Love to All,
Denise
lyonesseATnospambellsouth.net
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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