To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/23 16:22
Subject: [K-list] K-symptoms Poll interim
From: Mark W. Otter
On 2001/05/23 16:22, Mark W. Otter posted thus to the K-list:
Hi Hillary,
I've been enjoying reading the results of your poll, and connecting
things that I have experienced, but not associated with K, like knuckle
cracking. Yikes, I do a lot of that and it does seem connected now that
it's been pointed out.
so, physical symptoms that I believe are K related include:
an ability to feel my chakras and the energy moving in them (especially
when I have been breathing heavily awhile as in holotropic breathwork)
When I do the breathwork, I can feel vortices of energy all up and down
my forearms, in the 7 main channels commonly described, and very
strongly in my palms and the soles of my feet. I also feel strong
energies when I yawn and have often spent 15-20 minutes yawning
strongly, which feels very cleansing and only works when I am vertical,
making me wonder if changes in blood flow to my brain are also
involved. I'd been yawning like this for over a year, thinking it was
so cool to feel the energy (which swirls down through my crown chakra
into my chest and belly, and then feels strong in my palms as it fades
in my torso, when I suddenly had the intuition to ask what the energy
was, and the answer I got was "fear". Now, it seems like an old friend,
and I sense that I am a series of layers of fear energy surrounding a
core, which I can dimly glimse from here. The yawning thing is stronger
when standing than sitting upright in a meditation posture and has no
effect lying down. Recently, I have learned to just allow it for
whatever it is, and that seems to ground it.
Another physical symptom which gets quite strong during breathing and
yawning episodes, but is distinct from those effects, as it can happen
other times as well is a physical jerking. My head snaps backwards
quite often and it can be embarrassing in public and with my lover. It
happens quite a lot during orgasm, and is somewhat orgasmic in nature at
other times as well. When I do chanting in a public setting (in a
shakti-filled room) this can get quite alarming, although while during
it I have wondered if I might break my neck, or at least have a sore
neck later, that is rare. It seems to be fine. I notice it happening
when I do Mystress Angelique's grounding meditation, and it does indeed
feel as though her site is capable of delivering shakti to me through
the computer. (wow!)
Like others who have replied to the poll, I have experienced a good deal
of insomnia, and lately it seems as though several hours, around 2:00 to
4:00 are reversed between the night and day. I want to nap in the
afternoon and am often quite awake in the early morning, only to fall
asleep quite soundly around the time I am expected to get up in the
morning.
I often feel an electric buzzing like sensation in the back of my head,
or in my neck, which can be very pleasant and which seems to announce to
me that I am somehow connected to spirit. It often seems to be pointing
out to me that a thought or something I just heard is true and
important. It's a feeling I particularly like.
Emotional symptoms I associate with K:
I've suffered from depression a number of times in my life, and it has
been very personal and painful. Since becoming aware of K, I think the
episodes have gotten shorter, and they seem less personal, as though it
is just depression and it's the Earth's stuff, and I'm helping clear it,
so I don't mind so much. (not that I enjoy it...) I feel a good deal
of love these days, although it comes and goes. When it is present, I
feel huge energy in my heart, and I feel tuned into something that could
be described as silence, as awareness, as presence, but none of those
words is quite right. I'm learning how to consciously tune into this
and do so whenever I think of it. YUM!!!! When other people are nearby
and I am in this place, I am very empathetic to them and I'm willing to
feel their suffering for them, although it can be overwhelming
sometimes. I feel I'm learning how to let this just flow through and
not get stuck and it's also fine as it is.
Spiritual symptoms:
I suppose that allowing of other's suffering (other's karma) to flow
through could fit here. A few times in large holotropic
breathworkshops, I have been aware of some intense energies flowing from
people through me to ground. I have clearly felt the ability to
understand demonic energy and to allow it grounding. Sometimes in the
breathwork, demonic energies vocalize through breathers, and I once very
clearly heard a request to "teach us how to love", accompanied by
energies flowing through me and thereby being released. This is quite
wonderful to me. I notice doing it in other situations recently and am
coming to grips with it, realizing that I don't do it, but it is done
through me. I just relax and stay out of the way for it. It seems to
be the result of opening up the chakras and I find that I can visualize
them relaxing and opening up which makes it much easier to do this. If I
don't do that, energies can get stuck and make me quite ill. Surrender
seems to be the only thing that makes it all okay.
Well, Hillary, I feel as though I've gotten very personal here. I hope
it's helpful and I'm grateful for the opportunity not only to learn
about other's experiences, but also to more closely look at mine to be
able to put them into words. This is all pretty new to me and part of
me has some difficulty giving it credence, but I think it is a rapidly
dwindling part. What a strange thing this life is.
Love, Mark
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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