To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/19 22:33
Subject: Re: [K-list] Symptoms Poll
From: Pepper J. Baxter
On 2001/05/19 22:33, Pepper J. Baxter posted thus to the K-list:
Well, to begin with if a good one ( K ) is in progress I become really paranoid. I
think I am going to physically die and I start to set things up so that things
will be made easy for my son where he will be able to make heads and tails of
legalities etc.
I become so sexually aroused that I have to act as if I am unfeeling towards sex
or I fear would fall into doing sex with anyone, and everyone.
Past lives become so real I cannot tell the difference between back then, and now
days. If I was married or going with someone I could not recognize the difference
between love, and sex. I always saw the male gender wanting sex, not love.
Sometimes sex seemed nauseating, or forbidden, or disgusting.
Once, and only once did I become so charged with arousal that I eyed my son's pup
when no one was home for God's sake! He got away, and I will never forget the
human knowing in it's eyes as if to say, "I know what you are up to, and I'm not
that kind of person!" It was as if he were a person with a person's feelings, and
really genuine too. Now it sounds like a comady but at the time it wasn't so
funny.
I never felt so ashamed in my life. I swear that dog had a humanness about him.
After that I could tell buy it's attitude when K was about to become aroused
before I even knew. But then I had no idea what "It" was or that there was an (
"It" ). I'd see that look in his eye, and he would disappear until he psychically
knew I was back to normalcy. His attitude then would be as if it all had been a
nonexistent. I wondered if I had projected that attitude onto him myself because I
needed to think of it that way. Not sure.
I know this is maybe much too controversial for many people. It is for me! I put a
lot of thought into whether I should admit to this. So after getting that it is
one of the many (I think) occurrences that happen in a state of K, I decided to
take the attitude of, "Yo! How hard up can a person get!", and tell about it.
I also think people are trying to break into my home and thieve though nothing is
ever missing. I have sessions of leaving my purse in stores etc. but always hurry
back and find each time all my things are still in tact. An outcropping of losing
my house keys, auto keys, storage keys etc, and getting them back okay every
time.
Memory problems, forgetting unimportant things, and hoping the important stuff
stays with me.
There is an entity that feels like a Tulpa to me. Scares the daylights out of me.
I think I made It one by splitting it off of someone I feared so much that it just
came about in my reality. It completely disappears when my "sanity" comes back. It
is huge, and not a female I don't think, though the person I split it off from is.
I come home from work and know it has been there, and it smells bad.
One day I had a padlock thing put on my door. I licked the padlock and said to
someone, a neighbor using a firm voice, "There, now nothing can get past that." I
came home after a period of five days expecting the foul smell, and a foreboding
presence. Instead when I opened the door and the feeling that heavenly angels had
made camp in my home while I was away astonished me. I have never before or sense
felt the sweet angelic fresh, fresh air as I did at that moment. My smile actually
matched the vibrations I felt. I felt a part of me healing. So far I haven't felt
the Tulpa presence. But then K has not had one of It's main cleansing surges sense
then ( a yr. or so ago I think )though I feel it trying to open from sleep sort
of. I have upsurges of cleaning as opposed to rising consciousness. Seems to be a
bit different.
Dreams! They are a lot like the preverbal, actually "both feet in one in each
existence." One foot in this time, and place, and the other foot in a past life
time also, and,...all at the same time." Seems to happen only when K is heavy on
the cleansing move.
That's about all I can remember at this time.
Pepper
DruoutATnospamaol.com wrote:
>
In a message dated 5/19/2001 1:08:22 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
> "pjdaveybaxterATnospamnctimes.net"ATnospamnctimes.net writes:
>
> > Can I get in on this too? I wasn't here a couple of yrs. ago. Pepper
>
> Dear Pepper,
>
> Sure! I intended this to be a current poll. Only one response so far!
> Maybe If you answer it, others will follow :))
>
> Love, Hillary
>
> ***********
> ... we've never done a general *symptoms* poll :))
>
> Sooooo. Please make a short list of:
>
> 1. Physical symptoms you have (or have had) that you believe to be K related.
>
> 2. Mental symptoms you have (or have had) that you believe to be K related.
>
> 3. Spiritual reactions you have (or have had) that you believe to be K
> related.
>
> Thanks everyone!
>
> Love, Hillary
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