To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/15 07:21
Subject: [K-list] Introduction
From: Gabriel Winter
On 2001/05/15 07:21, Gabriel Winter posted thus to the K-list:
Hello,
I subscribed to this list because something is happening to me and I
have not been given any firm reasons by the medical community. What follows
is a letter I posted to the "Exceptional Human Experiences" message board
regarding a situation I am in and asking for help.
Its been about a week since I posted this, and I recieved a response
from someone telling me to go find out about this kundalini stuff.
Please know that I am immediately skeptical regarding all of this. I
am a computer scientist, published author, and entrepenuer. My life has
been firmly grounded in the measureable qualities of the world so when
it comes to my situation and contacting groups like this, it is with
great effort that I allow myself the slightest luxery of trying to understand.
What I have is a legitimate, medically documented problem without a known
cause or cure, and this problem is causing me some very bizarre "paranormal"
experiences which frighten me very much.
So, this is my way of saying hello, and asking for more information.
Please read the following original post, I look forward to hearing from
you.
Regards,
Gabriel Winter
------
First off, let me start by explaining that I really don't believe in
much in the way of paranormal, but I am posting this message because
there is no place else to turn.
I am a successful 27 year old software developer and entrepeneur. I am
married with 2 kids.
Where to begin. For the last 5 or 6 years I think, I have been experiencing
what I call a "neurological episode." I'll get into a detailed explanation
of these episodes later, but first a little history.
When I first started experiencing these episodes I was under some psychological
stress. I had a very traumatic childhood and was around a lot of traumatic
events until I was 19. After that, my whole life went uphill and stable
and normal. But at around 20 years old or so I began having some episodes
that were not easily explained psychologically, so I thought maybe I
had a brain tumor or somehting equally as nasty.
I visited my general doctor, who gave me a physical, which was normal.
Hew reffered me to a neurologist that did a quick exam, said it was normal,
then reffered me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said I had some
mild depression and A.D.D., but that didn't explain the episodes and
I was generally normal. So i dropped it for a while and just dealt with
them as best I could.
Recently, however, the episodes have become more frequent and powerful.
As a matter of fact, I had one three days ago that was so overwhelming
that my wife, who is a student doctor, believed I was having a stroke.
I went to the E.R. and the doctor there also believed it may be a stroke
and I underwent a thorough exam including a CT scan. And to my great
relief AND disappointment, it was also normal. He prescribed Atarax to
reduce anxiety and that was it.
I am still experiencing these episodes, I don't know why or what they
are, but they scare me and I have no control over them and I just want
to know what they are and how to control/stop them.
Now, I will describe what happens in my episodes.
My episodes consist of two different elements, the first physical and
the second psychological. They last anywhere from 30 seconds to several
minutes in length. They are triggered when i see something that is familiar,
but I don't know why. Its not like Deja Vu at all, not "I've done this
before" but more like, "I've seen that object or place before." Like
when you see an old photograph and it triggers memories of when you were
there, but you can't quite recall everything. Along with the feeling
of recognition for that familiar place, setting, or object, I get a slight
tensing of my stomach muscles and I feel a slight pressure in my sinuses.
I'll wonder why the object looks familiar and I'll concentrate for a
minute on trying to remember why when *WHAM*, it hits me like a Mac Truck.
Physically, I get an intense pressure in my sinus and behind my right
tear duct that feels like my eye wants to pop out. Muscles tighten in
my stomach, throat, and groin, and I often get a tingling sensation along
my scalp and the back of my neck. The feelings are not painful, however
they are intensely uncomfortable and frightening. After the episode is
complete, my body usually feels a little weak and the tingling remains
for a while, but all symptoms subside within a few minutes.
Now, the psychological... When the physical symptoms come on full force
I am bombarded with what I can only describe as "memories that are not
mine" as if I have taken the perspective of someone else. I mean, I still
know who I am, but its like these images and memories are overlayed on
my own. I remember places and people and situations I have never been
in, as if I were temporarily inside someone else. They are overwhelming
in that I have to stop and often kneel on the ground and wait for the
images to pass. Lately, if they occur while I am driving, I must often
pull over becuase its difficult to concentrate on my driving.
A good example of an image would be when I went to the hospital for this.
I was driving down the highway with my wife, we were arguing (they seem
to be tied to my emotional state, the more upset, sad, or angry I become
the more likely an episode), and I saw something along the side of the
road that looked familiar, a street sign or something. Suddenly, I was
hit with the memory of driving down the same road before and seeing the
sign, but my car was different, and I wasn't married, my hair was a different
color, and I was trying to get home in a hurry because someone was in
trouble, but I wasn't going to see the curve ahead and I was going to
crash. Then just as quickly as it started, it ended. When the episodes
are over, the detailed information in the image is usually almost immediately
forgotten. The only way I can remember is to talk to my wife during them
and explain what I see. We have been doing this for several years on
and off, trying to see whats going on.
I'm embarrassed to say, but it seems, at least on the surface, that it
seems that some of the images I get in an episode come true later. A
good example of this was an episode I had where I saw a coworker of mine
at some kind of bar where there was a lot of pianos playing, but he was
wearing (and I know it sounds silly) an Afro hairdo. We thought it was
too bizarre to be true, but she wrote it down anyway. The scary thing
is, is that we went out with one of my coworkers several months later
to a piano bar that had just opened, and yes, wierd as it is, he wore
an Afro.
I just don't know what to think. As I said, I am not sure I believe in
much paranormal stuff, but I am getting nothing from the medical community.
The fact is, as interesting as these episodes may seem, they frighten
me. I am frightened becuase I know they are not normal, and I don't know
if maybe I am sick, mentally ill, or going insane. I am frightened because
they seem to be becoming stronger and more overwhelming and I worry that
one day I won't come out of them. I am scared because I wonder what will
happen if they hit me in while driving but I can't pull over?
Am I going crazy? Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?
What is it? Why is it happened to me? How can I control it, stop it,
whatever.
Concerned,
Gabriel W.
___
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