To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/14 11:44
Subject: [K-list] More on "Pedies"
From: Cleocatras
On 2001/05/14 11:44, Cleocatras posted thus to the K-list:
Thank you Denise, for the kudos.
First of all, there are many reasons I chose this path as part of my own
healing. One was the fact that my father to this day claims I am lying and
hallucinating the stories about him. Part of my credability is establish by
doing this work, and it is my form of expressing my feeling of revenge. Yes,
there is some of that I had to deal with, however, I was smart enough to
redirect it to a worthy path.
Nowadays when he calls me a liar, I just say... Interesting how I know so
much about incest if it alledgedly never happened... or... funny how I spent
the last 17 years in therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder if nothing
ever happened, that must be a hell of a hallucination!! Of course, we forgot
the possibility that you were the one hallucinating when you did it... memory
lapse due to your past, maybe you were in the middle of your own flashback or
something?
I have had the priviledge of talking and sharing with over 400 known
pedofiles. What we know about why they are so hated and disliked? You,
Denise, brought this up in your last post. You said:
"These people we label as molesters/monsters are what we fear most about
ourselves. Not that we will molest. It is about how we will exist in this
life: without love, from others or of ourselves."
You are very much on target. What we hate about "them" we hate in ourselves..
and it is about fear of maintaining boundaries.
Each and every one of us some time or other has had a fantasy that includes
someone under age. Now, as you read this, dont just toss my statement out in
denial, but think... That 17 year old who started wearing those tight black
miniskirts, the nephew who has just started growing up and has a lump in his
britches when he gets up for breakfast... Changing little boy diapers and
trying to get the little guys totally erect you know what back down so the
diaper will fit over it...
Minute a thought that it might be, we have them... and we hate ourselves for
it... it may be just a moment in our lives, but it terrifies us.
The difference between us and the pedofile is that the pedofile does not
maintain that boundary. It can be a very tiny step. Most pedofiles arrouse
themselves by having thoughts and exposing themselves to provocative
situations for long duration, working up to the final outcomes... it may be a
process that takes two to three years. This is called shaping... shaping of
behaviors leading up to a final outcome. The boundary may not really be
crossed until the final outcome.
What we also know about pedofiles is that they usually have been violated
themselves. Along with this violation as with any child who experiences
something that they are not developmentally prepared to process, is that the
violation of their personal boundaries, (which is also connected to
maintaining a healthy self esteem, by the way) in other words, their natural
psycho-social boundaries are totally wiped out in this process of being
violated. Developmentally, they cannot be reestablished until adulthood,
through a time labored step by step process of elimination. WE, (which
includes me) litterally have to call up and ask grandma about every little
thing whether that is appropriate or not... we just dont have a clue in this
area... and after awhile it gets us into all kinds of trouble unless we have
a mentor specifically knowing this about us...(which I did).
Like a thief in the night, a victimization takes this away from us. And then
you have to consider the outcome of that potential pedofile who makes no
differentiation while being friendly with little girls... all he knows is
that it arrouses him when they talk to him... and so it moves forward into
the "shaping" cycle and then to fruition. The incriments are so small that
neither the victim or perpretrator really realize where it is leading.
Knowing some of this can help humanize the terrible deed. But it also lets
you know how easily it can happen, maybe even to you... and the fear can
start creeping in. The only real solution is to get honest enough that you
take the step to talk it out with your significant other and allow a third
party to monitor the interaction. At that point, it can stay innocent and the
boundaries can stay in place.
I cant say enough about this. Being open and understanding within the family
and dealing with incest in a forgiving tone but honestly is the only way to
break the cycle. Reestablishing the concept of boundaries is the very most
important thing any victim has to take care of. It is impirative to your well
being as well as those around you, as the above description can and does
happen to the best of us. My pedofiles that I love are no less worthy than
the rest of us, and could be anyone of us wounded ones at any time.
Our genetic predispositions force us to want to propogate. The boundaries are
not written on the gene. We will forever be dealing with this issue until
society allow it to come out in the open.
I hope to have the credentials some day to be a very active part of this new
thinking... if only my son were doing better, I would already be doing it.
AS I mentioned before, there needs to be an open therapy available for those
who have not gotten caught so they will seek the help they need. None of
these people get the help they need until after they have gotten caught...
and this could be three to ten victims later. We need to actively change the
law that therapists are bound by law to report immediately any child abuse. I
am not saying to allow it. I am saying to enter the perpetrator into a
contract that he must severe his contact to supervised visits and proceed
with therapy.
A case worker should have the bottom line to enforce this agreement, and
violation of it should then involve the reporting. Family members should also
be brought into the therapy at a certain point, and also informed, but not
until the client is ready for the potential loss of their loved one. This
care in progressing this far should be adhered to lest the perpetrator stops
going to therapy.
Blessings to all,
Cat
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.