To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/13 15:18
Subject: Re: [K-list] Some highlights on Victim dynamics
From: Christopher Wynter
On 2001/05/13 15:18, Christopher Wynter posted thus to the K-list:
Again, without detracting from what has been presented by Cat
from her perspective .. which from her experience and the data
available to her is entirely valid from her life experience ..
I would like to add to (and perhaps expand on) what Cat has
presented, so that a perhaps broader picture can be presented.
At 03:18 AM 14/05/01, you wrote:
>Living the lie of abuse:
>
>Passive victim:
>I deserved it
>It was something I did and he couldnt help himself
>I caused him to act that way
>I provoked him
>Its because of the way I am that this has happened
>This is my lot in life
>This is just the way life is
>That's okay, Im used to it
Can you also substitute the word 'she' for 'he' as the same also
applies for the male victim of female abuse ...
>The big lie of the
>Oppressed victim:
>< I have snipped this bit to try and keep this post a little shorter >
>It will hurt others in the family if I tell
>They will just prove that I am lying and I will be alone
Statistics are only as good as the available data. A Statistic cannot be
obtained unless a person reveals information which can be collated.
The figures you quote here are for reported events ...
>Statistics:
>25% of all women in the US are sexually abused before age 18
>8% of all men are sexually abused before age 18
Which can also be interpreted as saying that a female is 3 times
more likely to report that they have been sexually abused before
the age of 18 as a male is ..
>38% of all males who were abused become perpetrators themselves
>90% or more have multiple victims and continue abusing until they no longer
>have access to victims or until they get caught.
Now .. what about the male victim of the female abuser ...
and also the silent, unseen unreported abuse ..
Imagine if you will, a mother who was abused by a male ..
and carries the unresolved memory of that abuse as a resentment
of all things male.
This woman then has a male child. What is the immediate trigger
that her realisation that she has birthed another one of those species
who abused her?
What projections does this woman place into the genitals of this male
child every time she changes the nappy .. or clean the babies penis? ,,
albeit, her thoughts may be unconscious ..
If the male child born was conceived as the result of an abuse, what is
the energy that surrounds that child in the womb .. and after birth.
Remember here .. only 10% of all thought is conscious .. and we know
the principle behind the projection of thoughts through the hands
because it is taught in Reiki.
So what is the energy being unconsciously projected through the
hands of such a mother.
And what is the energy that this child is feeding on if the mother
breast feeds the child .. or the energy going into the formua
bottle as she feeds the infant male ..
and what is the energy dynamic that the male child picks up on
if any of these things are happening whilst mother is in the
middle of a blazing row with her partner ..?
And, please also consider here .. if the child is female .. or if there are
other children present .. either male or female .. what is the message
that the interchange between an abused mother and her male infant
going to have on ANY other child present ..?
Please remember .. up until now, it is extremely unlikely that any child
is born who does not spend the first 9 months of its life inside the
environmental influences of the female body .. with all of its unresolved
emotion.
Now .. I'm not apportioning blame here .. for the simple reason that, up
until now, this information was not available. I do not blame my mother
for the abuse that I suffered as a child .. because my mother (she
adopted me out of choice because her abuse made her infertile)
simply did not understand that it was the memories of her own abuse
which set the whole scene for her relationship with both me and my
father.
Then the child goes to school .. what if the teacher has unresolved issues
around childhood abuse by a male .. what is the unconscious energy she
radiates when presented with a class full of small boys ..
again, the same can be said for the opposites, and I have worked with a
number of teacher who I have got to look at this issue .. and all of them
have told me how they bring their home (and parental) relationship
issues into the classroom. This information, btw, is not only my experience,
but gathered from the statistics of teachers with whom I have worked
professionally.
The teacher is also presented with the mirror. In a class full of 7 year
olds for example, he or she will be continually presented with all of the
issues which she had when s/he was a 7 yo his/herself in school ..
and if these issues are unresolved .... ! The cycle is perpetuated.
>The unique things about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder :
>Anything that resembles "memory bits" of the trauma in sound, smell, sight or
>interaction can replay the entirety or parts of the original traumatizing
>incident, or repeat or create a connection to an unexplained feeling of
>helplessness and fear or panic feeling. These are called "triggers". It works
>similiarly to imprinting, or classical conditioning. These trigger events
>cannot be extinguished for years, so, the best that you can do with them is
>become so familiar with them that they are anticipated and amusing and put
>into perspective as just a brain cell that wont die... or hypnosis, if you
>find someone skilled enough.
Research in Australia with the children and grandchildren of returned Vietnam
Vets is leading the Health Authorities to ponder the paradigm that PTSD can
be inherited.
There have been a number of cases also, where a female has been able to
resolve vague memories of sexual abuse .. as memories of abuse .. not of
her, but of her mother .. or her grandmother.
A Child of a rape victim can grow up with the belief that she was a victim ..
however this is a false memory for her, but her mother's memory which she
is carrying is as real as if it had been her own.
>And repeatedly sharing the event with others in empathy -- this releases the
>fear reactions, and the anger.
yes .. but first, you've got to get the "victim" to correctly recall the
event ..
and identify the truth of the memory
>The mind will sometimes "erase" the event if it was too traumatic and recall
>can only come about through piecing together all the trigger events over
>time. Journalling is one way to bring about memory and resolution.
Yes
>People will seek environments that they find most familiar - ie victims will
>gravitate to new forms of the old abuse, including role reversal.
Yes .. and this is played out in the case of the abused mother/male child.
>When you hate who hurt you, but you do not resolve this, you sometimes
>emmulate their behaviors.
Yes.
and there is another hidden statistic .. one that is just coming out ..
How many children suffered abuse .. including rape ..
at the hands of religious figures ..?
We have one case just coming out now of an orphanage where
there were 300 children incarcerated in the 50's .. and all of the children
so far traced (about 30% .. both male and female) have reported that
they were sexually abused by BOTH the priests and nuns who ran
this orphanage ..
In this scribes humble opinion, the only way out of this is through
making a safe environment for people to talk about their memories
and experiences .. without the fear of retalliation .. so that the anger
can be resolved, and the grief released.
A child will not reveal any violation if there is a love for the
person who perpetrated the act .. because he or she
knows what happens .. and he/she will not be able to suffer
the pain that was caused to the person loved .. through the
punishment inflicted ..
Just a few random observations to perhaps
add some more pieces to the jigsaw ..
and I would not be surprised if this brings
up a lot of reactions from some people
who are carrying hidden scars.
I would hope that this list will be tolerant of any
who do react to what I have written here .. and allow
these people to release their own trauma in the moment
without being put down or abused by any who may disagree.
It is the fear of being "put down" by someone who has a
biased perspective based on unresolved issues, which
stops people talking about their own fears.
I will respond to any who wish to write to me privately on this issue ..
or, if there are a number who wish to continue this further, I am
happy to set up a closed list for people to discuss this matter in
a protected environment
Christopher Wynter
Hobart Tasmania.
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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