To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/12 23:23
Subject: [K-list] Perpetuating the Cycle - or NOT
From: Cleocatras
On 2001/05/12 23:23, Cleocatras posted thus to the K-list:
Dear List Family,
I guess it is time to post my disclaimer about an issue that has come up in
private mail. No names need to be mentioned at all, I just want to make it
known my view on a certain topic that seems to upset someone right now.
For the record, and the mirror history,
I have spent considerable time in my life dealing with pedofiles and incest,
both personally, with several family members as victims and perpetrators and
I also spent two years as a facilitator in victims groups (Incest Survivors
Group) and two years as a facilitator for court ordered therapy for sex
offenders - i.e. convicted sex offenders.
After some time of working in this area, I discovered several things.
Pedofiles very rarely have a one time only incident, instead, if they can
molest sucessfully (successfully meaning: that they dont get caught or have
serious reprocussions) Simply put, if they are successful in molesting one
child or teen victim, you will find they continue and create a lifetime of
victims. I can only tell you that the validity of this statement held true
among the 500 to 700 convicted pedifiles that I knew personally, and within
my own family.
After considerable dialogue with cousins and siblings and my own personal
experiences, I uncovered a minimum of eight pedofiles and twice as many
victims, about 5 victims told me their experiences personally, while
reporting the other victims in their immediate families.
I do believe that my open dialogue probably saved many of the cousins and
their children from the terrible experiences the rest of us had to suffer.
But this is the unspoken tabu subject I had the nerve to discuss openly
within my circle of siblings and cousins, and there will never be a way to
know for sure if some of us were spared.
But, let me put it more simply. If you know a pedofile in your family and he
is allowed to supervise children without a watchful eye, this is called
putting children "AT RISK". I personally cannot neglect my failure to
protect. There are even laws about this these days, called exactly that:
"Failure to protect".
What seemed to be successful for me to do during my private conversations
with my cousins and siblings was to tell my personal experience briefly, and
then remind them that they do not have to believe me, but the only reason I
am saying something is so they do not leave their children alone and
unsupervised with the individuals I am claiming as unsafe. I was merely
asking them to take the added precaution, whether they believed me or not was
inmaterial. I did not seem to cause too many severe ripples in the family,
and yes, there were some cousins that did not believe me, but still gave me
assurances that they would take such a precaution.
So here I am on this list and someone asked me privately what I would do, and
the above explanation was sent in response. For all practical purposes, lets
assume that when someone asks you what you would do, it is a fairly straight
forward form of permission to give them your answer. I am not going to take
responsibility for it at that point, or in that context.
The idea is absurd to me, that the person who had asked me this is now trying
to hold me accountable for messing them up. For the record, I do not accept.
For anyone else who might ask me the same question - what I would do in this
situation - in the future, I have now posted my answer in advance.
It would just not be me to allow other children even the remote potential of
being molested when I have the knowledge that they are not safe. Forget
anyone else's agenda on this, innocense should be protected and isnt that the
role of us adults to try to do so, in lieu of protecting the perpetrator?
IF an adult violates another person who is not able to protect themself, then
tell me how your concern for the perpetrator adult outweighs the safety of an
unprotected child? That is exactly the reason why we have so many victims.
Fear of the perpetrator's wrath. Honestly, the quiet talk I developed on a
one on one basis with my cousins did not provoke these issue to any great
degree compared to the potential benefit. I am certain my nieces and nephews
are safe, and that my own children are safe. And at least two of the
pedofiles are working toward resolution, and as determined as I am to break
the cycle within the family. I think you would all be surprised how caring
and forgiving and open everyone becomes when the lies and fingerpointing are
gone. Healing is contageous.
Cat
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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