To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/05/12 13:10
Subject: Re: [K-list] Experiencing kundalini
From: Pepper J. Baxter
On 2001/05/12 13:10, Pepper J. Baxter posted thus to the K-list:
Was a wonderful insight for me, and so interesting. I have a thing that happens and is probably cyclic
if I would look back in my past journals about K-upheavels. Each time it is time for a significant
growth change I am very sure that I am going to physically die. I start getting the physically dieing
dreams, and getting my affairs in order so that my son will not have to go through a lot of probs.
Maybe I'm dieing to my physical being put first still in lots of ways. I list my material "stuff" and
tell my son that they will be willed to him, that I have creamation paid for , etc. (Hummmm! The
willing of my "stuff" to my son does not sound to great now that I think about it.) Willing material
though can mean lots of things on lots of levels that are good. I guess I've already put upon him my
"stuff" of the mind that he needs to sort out to yae, and nae to.
The thing is that I didn't physically die any of those times. I died to old outworn ideas, beliefs, and
hugged points of views that needed to be viewed from other vantage points. Talk about death of a
salesman! (private joke with myself) I need to look at what all I leave my son hier to. We have been
so close from day one and he trusts me because when I see any attitude wrongs I have done, or find
myself doing,...we have a talk and we discuss it so it isn't taken as gospel, or some such thing.
I have the feeling that soon any stableness I feel at this time is about to fly right out the window. I
must really listen to my still small voice now. "It" gives direction that sounds at the time as if "it"
must be crazy. I rationalize, and talk myself out of it and my whole world turns to Shit! My faith is
not up to par. I was shown this a couple of weeks ago.
I was sitting at the desk making out a check to the "Termanily Ill" for $10.00 when a loude thought
form voice said, "Make it out for $50.00." My mouth actually flew open as if I were in great shock, and
though I knew I must do it without hesitation,...I rationalized that I needed to hold onto some extra
money for my AAA insurance coming up, and how do I know if maybe some one out there isn't playing with
my mind to see of they can make me and possibly others do his or her bidding via telepathy etc., and I
went ahead and wrote in 10. Then I went sort of bonkers and rationalized that I had already given 10 to
Paralized Vet's, and 10 to another outfit that I forget who. I figured that was 30 dollars, and thats
close enough. But, I knew that was not the point. The point is that I messed up on the faith test and I
knew it, and no more tests have came in that area sense. Ha! And jeeze if I don't think I'd fall again.
This means that I am still trying to do it all myself instead of getting out of the way and let God's
will be done.
One of the things about writing to the K-list is that a person can clearly see what they are dealing
with in the self, and maybe it strengthens the self and the many who maybe needs to see the info for
now, or even later on.
Also now that I see what I have known all along, but in writing, spelled out before my eyes, maybe I
will pass the test this time because I want to so much. This entry of Ori's sure helped me a lot.
Pepper
Ori wrote:
> Hello list-members,
> I've been pondering what it means to experience kundalini. I've had some
> experiences that I attribute to kundalini, but who is to say for sure. It
> seems to me that the important thing is to follow one's own path with
> integrity and not worry so much about whether or not certain experiences
> are manifested.
> I've been a subscriber of this list off and on for 5 or 6 years now. It
> was one of my first internet contacts with others discussing kundalini. I
> want to share an experience I had almost 2 years ago that resulted from a
> cumulation of causes. The kundalini blew right through me and I literally
> lost my mind. I took some psychiatric medications for 3 days which totally
> blew me wide open and I've had to rebuild from the ground up. I needed
> medication to help stabilize me but it took a while to find the right
> ones.
> The spiritual insights have made it worthwhile. It was as if I died or at
> least was blown out of my body and for days (lifetimes) went through a
> process of incarnation. I was aware of being outside the cycle of birth
> and death, literally in the eternal now. I could have chose not to return,
> only for some reason I knew I had to. I saw guides and angels too. I've
> never seen angels like this before. I really could understand some of the
> visions told by others. They were aware of me with a natural awareness,
> not like I was out of the ordinary. It was like I was always there and just
> didn't know it. They were helping me though. The experience has given me
> "real" views of the spirit world... rather than just intellectual or
> imaginary.
> A guide presented me with a blue cloak... to help pull my inner parts
> together. A blue chakra for expression of all the inner voices.
> I had an alter with a fresh bouquet of irises from an iris farm. It is my
> favorite bouquet of the year. I had various flowers on my altar through
> this whole process. I craved apricots throughout it too, or apricot nectar
> an unusual craving. I kept the space clear and clean by smudging and using
> incense and bells.
> I realized I had been blown out of my body. I was transiting through the
> final stages, post-bardo, life or death decision making point. It was the
> place where the cards are shuffled again, and the parts are
> reassigned. This is the place of karmic resolution. I cried very easily
> during this time. The slightest combinations would blend into beauty
> calling forth tears of beauty.
> Memories of a recent past.
> I traveled for lifetimes.
> Most people see their life pass before their eyes when they get close
> to death.
> I saw many lifetimes pass before my eyes.
> Karma was balanced through the fire of vision
> and the allowing of love
>
> I am One of the Ones.
> I center from the Soul group place of Oneness
> joining with my brothers and sisters in some like function, so that we
> may join in The Work.
>
> I was out. Way out past the planet level, past the galactic level, and
> then some. I was viewing the circle of life and death. It is like a ferris
> wheel circle with each seat being a lifetime. It is the ancient place. I
> watched the ferris wheel turn and had the opportunity to see how one small
> act (tsuva?) might heal an entire thread that had been present for
> centuries and how that thread might have impacted families or cities and
> more. As it is healed so is the whole healed. It is greater than what
> I've called generational healing. The boddhisattva returns from
> Enlightenment to assist in the healing of the whole.
> I struggled with viewing my experience from a medical paradigm or a
> spiritual paradigm. Fortunately for me I had mentors who assisted me
> during my transitional state. I was diagnosed bipolar, but I knew there was
> more going on than just a psychiatric state. I am no longer able to work
> and am still trying to understand my experiences even now two years
> later. I have no regrets about including the medical paradigm in my healing.
>
> Just another experience,
> Ori
>
> Ori
> oriATnospameskimo.com
> Kundalini Resources on the Web
> http://www.eskimo.com/~ori/kundalini.html
>
>
http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
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